Embracing the universe like a blazing star
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(or: Spreading myself incredibly thin as a precursor to spreading
myself thick on exciting new surfaces)
I have been so busy throwing myself into implementing my plans and
goals for 2024 that I haven't even gotten a spare moment until just
now - and, frankly, I'm just forcing a spare moment into existence
by sheer force of will slash discounting the future to justify the
opportunity cost - to actually sit down and tell you what those plans
and goals are. Which is probably fine, because in all likelihood you
don't care terribly much, but I'm going to inflict it on you anyway.
I am going to be much busier than usual this whole year long,
on multiple fronts, doing everything I can to cross items off
a long, inter-connected TODO list with the ultimate goal of
making substantial progress on the following inter-connected aims.
Fair warning, the list is real, the items on it are concrete, I know
full well the direction I am steaming in, but a concise and fully
internally consistent written formulation of the whole shebang for
public consumption is something I'm going to try to formulate on the
fly right here right now, so it's not gonna be perfect, but again,
that doesn't matter.
The overarching plot point is something like this. I have been
intellectual, emotionally, spiritually, whateverly prepared for
probably a good two years now to start really seriously walking the
walk on a bunch of stuff I have been talking about for even longer,
with regard to removing computing and the internet in particular from
the centre of my life. Not completely stopping either, but doing
both less, and doing that less both via different means and toward
different ends, doing both more conscientiously and becoming less
invested in them so it will be easy to continue moving away them,
Zeno paradox style, forever, because I think that's the inevitable
future. Parts of making this shift happen include levelling up
on non-computery or less-computery things to fill the gap left
behind by less computing, systematically changing the computing
stuff I don't leave behind to be more in line with my principles,
gracefully wrapping up and winding down stuff that I don't want to
put much more energy into but which other people have a reasonable
expectation of not being abruptly abandoned, both just as part of
being a responsible netizen but also so that the reduced time I
continue to spend online is not consumed largely by things that
fall in the "duties and obligations" category but are things I
really genuinely want to do. I desperately want to be able to
spend more of my reduced computer time emailing friends and writing
gemlog/phlog posts without a sense of guilt that I should be doing
something else. Moving forward I intend to try to be a lot more
careful and conscientious about starting any kind of new project.
Not saying I won't do it, but I won't do it on a whim, either.
All of this goes not only for stuff that you are aware of as mine
under the "solderpunk" moniker but stuff in "real life", too.
Some concrete steps/goals on the "compute less/wind down/wrap up"
part of this quest include but are not limited to:
* Ruthlessly minimise all involvement and interaction with and
payment to GAFAM/FAANG/etc.
* Reduce use of subscription and especially of streaming services.
* Close and delete as many old and long unused accounts as possible.
* Acquire no new computing devices without getting rid of at
least two others (and get rid of those in the most responsible way
possible), such that the total number decreases monotonically.
* Do not spin up any new VPSes without shutting down at least two,
such that the total decreases monotonically.
* Register no new domains.
* "Finish" multiple existing projects (whatever "finish" sensibly
means) per new project started, such that the total number of
unfinished projects decreases monotonically.
* Do not start new projects lightly! Be extremely cognisant of
their projected lifespan and the amount of ongoing commitment
they might cause. Make sure I have good reasons for doing them.
Prefer deep exploration of small number of ideas/goals/practices
over random scattering.
* Move all existing software projects to one single location
(closing accounts at old locations behind me!)
* Assign some kind of semantic versioning number, even if 0.0.1,
to all existing software projects by roughly the middle of 2024.
* Assign all existing software projects a rank in some three-
or four-tiered system of activeness/investedness/implied maintenance.
* Get all top-tier projects to 1.0.0 or higher by end of 2024 with
at least basic documentation available via Gopher and/or Gemini as
a ppropriate as well as installable man pages.
* Get all bottom-tier projects into some kind of state where they
at least run on the latest version of the relevant tech stack,
document them and then clearly and proudly declare them as more or
less unmaintained/abandoned.
* Generally, do a whole bunch of small little things I have been
planning/promising to do for years but have never gotten around to.
If you've been bugging me for years to set up PGP or I promised you
I'd fill out an interview or something, please look forward to it!
So far I've already:
* Converted a long-running Mediawiki instance I set up for a forum
community I used to be very active in some years back into a static
web site because it was still being referred to a lot but new account
signups and edits had slowed to more or less zero for many years,
I had stopped updating PHP or Mediawiki years ago, absolutely didn't
want to start again, but also didn't want to experience the tragedy
of inevitably seeing it hacked and vandalised one day. This was
a huge yak shaving expedition, but I got there and it feels good.
* Spun down a VPS running Nextcloud which my wife and I tried to use
for various things (mostly for an easily shared, multi-device-synched
calendar, which I turned out to suck for) but slowly used less and
less until it basically just became an expense and liability with
no benefit.
* Closed my AWS account. I used to use their Route 53 service a
lot, started walking away from it a years ago, but couldn't ditch
it completely because I have one domain with a crappy registrar who
didn't provide good tooling for changing DNS settings. I finally
got around to hassling them about it and set myself free.
* Closed my Spotify account. Yes, to my shame, I had one. Not for
long. My wife's been on it for many years, told me there was some
deal where I could hop on for a very small increase in monthly cost,
and I was at kind of low point for computing principle vigilance, so
I gave it a shot. The web interface is atrociously, shamefully bad,
even on my fancy modern Thinkpad X1 at work it introduces audible
pauses between consecutive tracks when playing an album, like the
lowest tier of no-name noughties MP3 player used to before it became
universally acknowledged that this was straight up unacceptable.
How far we've fallen! Of course, you're not supposed to use the
web interface anymore, you should "install the app for an improved
user experience" (motto of the decade). As soon as we added DRM to
the web, the big commercial media companies who were pushing for it
just abandoned the platform. Tragic. Anyway, it *did* broaden my
musical horizons substantially, but I've pivoted that into buying
more used CDs and using Bandcamp more. Value extracted, moving on.
* Deleted an old Reddit account easily linked to my IRL identity.
It was created 15 years ago, according to the trophies! Hadn't used
it for about 10. I was really pleasantly surprised that it was
quite easy to download a record of all my posts and comments and
votes in straightforward .csv format before I did this. I have
read elsewhere that I shouldn't expect such a cakewalk if I try
to delete my LiveJournal account, which a recent unintentionally
bone-chilling automated "congratulations" email informed me was
TWENTY ONE EARTH YEARS old.
* Opened a Sourcehut account and moved some projects there from
tildegit which did not have any open Issues or PRs. I will start
moving other projects from tildegit and from GitHub there as I tidy
things up because I'm far too lazy to figure out how to migrate any
of that stuff. I also have a GitLab account for Gemini purposes
but am working hard on making that obsolete, too.
* Not really a "winding down / tidying up" kind of thing, but more
of a "doing something I've been putting off for a long time" kind of
a thing, more specifically a "focusing more closely on the things
I care about most" kind of thing, I finally deactivated a whole
host of long dormant accounts at the Zaibatsu and granted asylum
to a handful of new sundogs, our first in years! A warm welcome to
you all, I'm sorry I haven't been more attentive/interactive on the
phlog/gemlog front, but, well, this post should make it clear why!
* Done lots of other small things too boring to mention.
On the "levelling up non-computery things" path I've already:
* Accrued a Duolingo streak of over 100 days
* Gotten an amateur radio license, which involved studying for
a multiple choice exam in a language other than English and
then physically travelling via train to another city to sit
said test in-person at a government building, with my photo ID,
a non-programmable calculator, two pens, and a bottle of water.
Haven't done anything like it since my undergraduate days.
It was surprisingly nostalgic! You'll hear more about my plans
and activities under this umbrella in future.
* Planned a bicycle tour through the Finnish archipelago for
this July. Sheldon Brown once wrote "singlespeed touring is not
as goofy an idea as it might sound at first blush", and I hope to
prove this true, powered by saaristolaisleipä, Tuplas, and sheer
exuberance at being back in Suomi. Preparations, of me and of the
bike, will be a big part of my life in the coming months.
On the one hand I am pleased and maybe even proud of all this
progress in the first quarter of the year. If I can maintain this
pace I really will put a substantial dent in my aspirations and I
can look forward to entering 2025 with something resembling a clear
plate, or at least a plate not so overfull that there's more food on
the table cloth than on the plate. On the other hand, I won't lie,
at times it has been pretty miserable. This whole big getting stuff
done project is not really "me". I am not an organised person, I am
not a disciplined person, I am forgetful and I suck at scheduling,
both setting them realistically and sticking to them. I think having
a Gantt chart for your personal projects, even if it's a vague one,
is a sign of a sick mind. I am gritting my teeth and putting on an
act and pretending otherwise in an attempt to clean up the mess of
seven or so enthusiastic and hyperactive years of being this way.
At times it has felt like I've given myself a second job to come
home to from my actual job and I've despaired.
Then again, it's not as if I was unconditionally joyous prior to
this effort, either. I've kind of described this whole undertaking
squarely in terms of retreating from computing practices I don't
agree with and throwing off the yoke of obligations, but the truth
is that's just part of it. It's a big part of it, for sure, it's
the easiest part to explain, it's the part people reading this will
appreciate and relate to the most, probably. I am also just trying
to live a more balanced and mentally/emotionally healthy life.
I tend to get really obsessively interested in obscure solitary
things and that makes me perceive every little social commitment,
every little household chore, every little family obligation,
every moment not spent productively working toward whatever weirdo
tings I'm currently living and breathing as some kind of horrible
imposition that is crushing my soul. That makes me miserable and
I'm sure as hell it must also make me miserable to live with or
be close to as well. Obviously I need to work on that some how,
and hope to, but I'm also trying for a kind of "defense-in-depth"
strategy where, expecting that I'll always be at least a little
like this, I redirect my obsessive interests toward things which
are either less solitary or are solitary but are more tolerant of
being put down and picked up, and trying to make a practice of not
announcing or sharing things until they are already finished or close
to it, so I don't have to worry about keeping up the appearance of
progress for an imaginary audience, or things like that. I want
to do more projects which can *be* finished, more easily.
There's an aspect of low-key midlife crisis to all this, too.
I will turn forty way too soon. My late thirties have been a
time of great change, both inward and outward. My worldview,
my values, my priorities, have shifted so much that my twenty
year old self wouldn't recognise me, would brand me a "hippy"
and disown me, ashamed, look forward to looking down and shaking
his fist at me from somewhere higher up on the Kardashev ladder.
I'm fine with that. The world has also, frankly, started
visibly ending; climatologically, ecologically, geopolitically,
medio-informationally, and more. I'm sure not happy about
that but I'm also strangely at peace with it, at least for now.
I don't mean that in a way which implies numbness or fatalism or
resolved-to-inaction-ness. I'm not sure how to describe exactly
how I do mean it. Like, it's no longer something I worry is maybe
coming soon, it's no longer something I suspect is here now but am
afraid to acknowledge it to myself, it's just become my default
everyday framing of reality, at least within the confines of my
own head and now in this post here, publically for the first time.
I received the courage to say this openly and matter of factly after
seeing other geminauts go before me. It's strangely liberating.
Maybe it shouldn't be. Maybe I have read YKK too much and absorbed
its vibe too deeply even though its world is in no way a reasonable
model for our own future (if this reference means nothing to you,
stay loosely tuned for the inevitable future day when I finally
write something about it).
I guess I'm just trying to set the stage for a change of course,
a partial fresh start. I don't know exactly where I'm going, but
acknowledging the change and deliberately and carefully leaving
some stuff behind and tidying up after me seems like an important
part of it. I'm trying not to overthink this post too much and
won't proofread and frantically tweak it as much as I usually do.
I don't know how I'm coming across here. This isn't any kind of
goodbye to the smolnet, it's not any kind of cry for help, despite
what some details here might sound like I am overall feeling pretty
positive. I guess it's largely a sort of apology in advance for
probably writing less and being even worse than usual at email
this year, a request for patience, a promise that some of you can
maybe look forward to stuff you've been waiting for a long time
finally happening. Maybe a self-motivational tool, too, because
now I'll look silly if I don't do a least some of all this...