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[11]webshit weekly (2021/08/14)
An annotated digest of the top "Hacker" "News" posts for the second
week of August, 2021.
[12]One Bad Apple
August 08, 2021 [13](comments)
An Internet is mad about Apple (business model: "Uber for spyware")
turning your phone into a cop, and posts a lot of irrelevant
misunderstandings about it. Hackernews follows this up with dire
warnings about the state of child trafficking in the world today,
complete with admonishments that there is no hope for improvement,
except for venture-backed smartphone apps. None of the outrage focuses
on the obvious motivation behind Apple's new spyware: if they can put a
U2 album on your phone, they can put some kiddie porn on there too, and
so can various national governments, and now you'll get automatically
reported. There is no information in Apple's documentation regarding
how low your Chinese social credit score has to get before this is
automatically deployed to your iCloud account.
[14]Climate change: IPCC report is 'code red for humanity'
August 09, 2021 [15](comments)
Some bureaucrats, whose funding is dependent on climate change,
declares climate change to be extremely important. Of course, tens of
thousands of scientists around the world have been saying this for some
time, but now the United Nations has paid some empty suits to read this
information and grow concerned about it. Hackernews has solved all
these problems in their heads some years back, casually post to this
effect in comment threads, and are immediately torn asunder by other
Hackernews who have solved this problem in their heads _but different_.
[16]TikTok overtakes Facebook as most downloaded app
August 10, 2021 [17](comments)
TikTok (business model: "Uber for Vine") is more popular than Facebook
(business model: "Uber for Sino-Soviet Propaganda"), presumably because
it bypasses the middleman and delivers the content straight from the
source. Hackernews debates whether it's just a matter of time before it
turns out to be evil, or whether a social-media application targeted at
children and operated by a government full of genocidal monsters is and
shall remain "fun." Other Hackernews point out that the app, which is
operated by a company in which the murderous, barbaric Chinese
government has an ownership stake, is mean to fat people.
[18]GitHub’s engineering team has moved to Codespaces
August 11, 2021 [19](comments)
Github (business model: "Uber for README.MD") directs its employees to
eat its own dog food. Because of Github's acquisition by Microsoft
(business model: "Uber for customer abuse"), it turns out that what
Github engineers are eating came out of the dog to begin with.
Hackernews tries to figure out whether they, as customers of
Microsoft's latest desperate attempt to get anyone to use Azure, have
any control over their information, or whether they'd be better off
remaining with their existing workstation-as-a-service provider, Apple
(business model: "Uber for garden walls").
[20]Apple's child protection features spark concern within its own
ranks: sources
August 12, 2021 [21](comments)
Reuters (business model: "Uber for chatlogs") reports about an Apple
chatlog as though it were news. This is a continuation of the ongoing
outrage over Apple's new policy of outsourcing its content moderation
services to your battery. The stakes are high; three, possibly even
four people have declared an intention to use Apple products slightly
less over the next five to ten years. Hackernews is running out of shit
to post about this, so they just link to their previous comments and go
back to refreshing their order status pages.
[22]FOSS app removed from the Play Store for linking to the project's
website
August 13, 2021 [23](comments)
Google continues the war against its own users, renewing the surge at
the second front recently opened (against its own developers).
Hackernews thinks that any agency of any government gives a single shit
about what appears on the app store besides advertising platforms with
users numbering the billions. Other Hackernews dislike that Apple and
Google have so much control over their own property, and look forward
to the day when they can be liberated by human rights advocates Epic
Games, which is famed for both caring about individual humans and for
being part-owned by the Chinese government, a deadly pack of human
jackals who prey on the weak at an industral scale.
[24]Asahi Linux for Apple M1 progress report, August 2021
August 14, 2021 [25](comments)
Asahi (business model: "Uber for Yellow Dog Linux") goes to an
extraordinary amount of effort to remove half of the value of expensive
computers, and replace it with a shivering basket case of an operating
system. Hackernews desperately wants to appear so technically-inclined
as to run a gimmick operating system on overpriced luxury computers,
but since the shit doesn't actually work and there's no benefit to
getting it working, nobody has much to discuss.
[26]webshit weekly (2021/08/07)
An annotated digest of the top "Hacker" "News" posts for the first week
of August, 2021.
[27]The rise of never-ending job interviews
August 01, 2021 [28](comments)
Bureaucrats continue to fuck everything up for everyone. Hackernews
points out that Google is full of this particular brand of bureaucrat,
which Hackernews interprets as meaning that everyone on Earth is an
incompetent moron, except Hackernews, who has all the answers. Many of
those Hackernews work at Google, where they explain that they're much
better at interviewing than anyone else at Google. Nobody attempts to
determine whether any of these superior interviewers are in fact the
same people the rest of Hackernews is bitching about.
[29]Life before smartphones (2020)
August 02, 2021 [30](comments)
An Internet reminisces about the past, but forgets to mention why.
Hackernews also has a past, and it was the same one the author lived
in, and so this thread serves as this month's nostalgia dumping
grounds.
[31]NSA Kubernetes Hardening Guidance [pdf]
August 03, 2021 [32](comments)
The National Security Agency provides a satirical document in which we
are instructed how to spackle over all the cracks in the towering
edifice of software we use to serve text files to six strangers per
day. Hackernews doesn't even bother to read the document, but sets
about reconstructing it from a combination of first principles and the
horrifically embarrassing experiences they have of being hacked because
they were subscribed to the wrong set of remote systems administration
services. Meanwhile, half of the Kubernetes security primitives are
deprecated, replaced, and then deprecated again faster than it's
possible to render updated versions of the PDF.
[33]Apple enabling client-side CSAM scanning on iPhone tomorrow
August 04, 2021 [34](comments)
Your phone is a cop. Hackernews can't decide between being outraged
that someone else is digging through their shit or being grateful for
the Machines of Loving Grace. None of the outraged Hackernews are
sufficiently incensed to actually do anything about the situation.
[35]Apple's plan to “think different” about encryption opens a backdoor
to your life
August 05, 2021 [36](comments)
The Electronic Frontier Foundation attempts to explain why you should
be angry about your phone being a cop. One Hackernews has cleverly
avoided this situation by buying a different phone. None of the others
have. A debate rages about who deserves to be spied upon, whether you
can trust a phone you didn't build and program yourself from a box of
transistors, exactly how much worse Apple needs to behave to convince a
given Hackernews to buy a different phone, and whether children are
people.
[37]An Open Letter Against Apple's Privacy-Invasive Content Scanning
Technology
August 06, 2021 [38](comments)
For day three of the Apple-themed Performative Outrage Theater, some
Internet rando pontificates on a single-use domain name and invites
other nerds to type their names into Github. Tim Cook was available for
comment, but nobody asked.
[39]Sci-Hub is fundraising
August 07, 2021 [40](comments)
A piracy site stops pretending to take the high road and wants some
money instead. Hackernews continues to misunderstand the purpose of
peer review, can't figure out how to navigate a journal publisher's
website, and thus is happy to pay the pirates for their superior
indexing service.
[41]webshit weekly (2021/07/31)
An annotated digest of the top "Hacker" "News" posts for the last week
of July, 2021.
[42]The Framework Laptop is now shipping
July 22, 2021 [43](comments)
Some Internets decide that the missing piece from whitebox laptop
offerings is bespoke usb modules. Hackernews is convinced the ability
to exchange a USB port for a slightly different USB port is the quantum
leap in personal computing for which the world has been waiting. The
rest of the comments are feature requests nobody wants.
[44]AWS's Egregious Egress
July 23, 2021 [45](comments)
A pack of webshits compose a hitpiece on their competitors. Hackernews
sets about to deliberately construct a Stockholm Syndrome analogue
which will allow them to rationalize being locked into an abusive
business relationship. Other Hackernews think the hit piece is unfair
because other hyperscale cloud providers are also abusive. Whether or
not this is acceptable for a given provider seems to depend on how long
a particular Hackernews worked for that provider.
[46]Introduction to open source private LTE and 5G networks
July 24, 2021 [47](comments)
Canonical (business model: "Uber for Debian") continues its search for
a source of actual revenue. Hackernews is interested in the MacGuffin,
but not the actual target of the marketing blog. Better luck next time,
Ubuntu!
[48]Anna Kiesenhofer: Mathematician, amateur cyclist, Olympic champion
July 25, 2021 [49](comments)
Bicycling enthusiasts try to figure out why someone without even a
Serfas sponsorship has managed to win. Hackernews knows it was because
the professional collusion tools failed the old guard, creating an
opening for someone to win based on actual physical exertion. One
Hackernews is mad that women are allowed to ride bicycles, but it's not
clear if the anger is about the competitive aspect or that a woman has
a bicycle at all.
[50]The Insecurity Industry
July 26, 2021 [51](comments)
Edward Snowden would like everyone to recognize that nothing has got
better since diming out the NSA, either for Edward Snowden in
particular or anyone else in general. Hackernews warns us that
Snowden's unhinged ideas, such as holding people and companies
responsible for the products they sell, would immediately lead to the
complete and immediate collapse of the First Amendment. Other
Hackernews misinterpret this warning as a directive to get angry about
the C programming language.
[52]Element raises $30M to boost Matrix
July 27, 2021 [53](comments)
Some web programmers go into debt in the pursuit of a more perfect chat
app. Hackernews thinks the big difference that will make this chat app
win over the six million nearly-identical chat apps is their approach
to copyright licensing. Other Hackernews think the lone thing
preventing the chat app from global market domination is some CSS.
[54]The mermaid is taking over Google search in Norway
July 28, 2021 [55](comments)
Google, the world's largest repository of algorithmic search expertise,
gets trick-fucked by blogspammers and doesn't notice because nobody at
Google both speaks Norwegian and gives a shit about search results.
Hackernews is overrun by Nordic commentors decrying their universal
inability to get Google to lift a single finger to help anyone,
anywhere.
[56]How Dwarf Fortress is built
July 29, 2021 [57](comments)
An Internet interviews the developer of the second-largest text-based
adventure game (behind Linux). Hackernews recounts every experience
they've ever had with the game.
[58]Who Owns My Name?
July 30, 2021 [59](comments)
A person who was famous is angry that continued fame is at someone
else's discretion. Hackernews recognizes the name from the original
controversy and now wrestles with the idea that other people are
allowed to make art about actual events even if that art doesn't
reflect the actual series of events which occurred. No technology is
discussed.
[60]Faster CRDTs: An Adventure in Optimization
July 31, 2021 [61](comments)
A webshit is mad at a peer-reviewed paper for impugning a favored
algorithm. Instead of just writing a letter to the journal pointing out
the problems, or even citing the actual goddamn paper, the chosen
solution is to whine a lot in a blog post and conclude that science is
flawed. Hackernews splits attention evenly between the claims made in
the blog post and ranting about how 'academics' aren't as good at
programming as, say, Hackernews.
Opinions are those of your employer.
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References
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4. http://n-gate.com/
5. http://n-gate.com/about/
6. http://n-gate.com/fosdem/
7. http://n-gate.com/hackernews/
8. http://n-gate.com/privacy_policy
9. http://n-gate.com/software/
10. http://n-gate.com/sitemap
11. http://n-gate.com/hackernews/2021/08/14/0/
12. https://www.hackerfactor.com/blog/index.php?/archives/929-One-Bad-Apple.html
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14. https://www.bbc.com/news/science-environment-58130705
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16. https://asia.nikkei.com/Business/Technology/TikTok-overtakes-Facebook-as-world-s-most-downloaded-app
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18. https://github.blog/2021-08-11-githubs-engineering-team-moved-codespaces/
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20. https://www.reuters.com/technology/exclusive-apples-child-protection-features-spark-concern-within-its-own-ranks-2021-08-12/
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