arguably one of the worst things about the inconsistent schedule is the random sleep shifts. It's impossible to sleep consistently when you have to wake up at different times. At least I was already kinda prepared for this from my sleeping being horribly fucked up before work began...?

it feels like nothing is good enough. a good idea will be crushed because it might be slightly visually unappealing. you know what? fuck it. i'll do things the more attractive, but less convenient, way. more money for me if I have to do it at a certain time.

i've been detaching myself. after getting turned down for a fan to keep cool, there's no reason to exert myself 100% if it'll cause me massive discomfort. take it slow and steady (but not too slow of course), don't sweat anything you can't help. it should all be common sense, but here I am, attached to everything and trying to bust myself to make things right.

it's been proven it doesn't pay off. let's just get through the days, one at a time. i'm not gonna suddenly treat people like shit, but if I can't help someone, oh well. if they leave us? fine. whatever. less for me to worry about. we're stretched so thin anyway that increasing our number of visitors actually hurts more than helps, it seems, as then we can't keep up. or so it feels like, sometimes.

i'm hearing the faint beep of that fucking computer in my head at night. it's infuriating. the machine beeps when the screen is touched, and everyone can hear it. time to use the mouse, I guess. (besides, that's more accurate.)

one of these days, this isn't going to be me ranting about work. i hope. it's just annoying how I try to make things work better, and all of it's just "oh no you can't do that." whatever.