CW: Layoffs, and overall kinda depressing

I let my plant die in botany :( I have been away for too long.

To be fair, it was kind of a crazy 2 weeks. My kid turned 4 years old... wtf.
Lots of my dear friends were laid off from their jobs and I am still struggling
with some addiction and adhd. Luckily I have my first meeting with my new
therapist tomorrow. I _really_ hope this therapist is good. I hate the hunt for
a good match and if this works out, I don't see myself needing anyone different
for a long time. The only reason I am switching therapists is because I moved.

The layoffs have been hard on me. I go through moments of intense fear and can
convince myself that I was actually supposed to be laid off and they just
messed something up. Dozens of my friends are now no longer working with me.
And we have no idea what criteria was used to make the decision for who goes
and who stays. It makes me feel like at any moment the trap door is going to
be triggered by the big guys upstairs. This week will be mostly dedicated to
figuring out how I can work under these conditions. Everything is different
now.

As depressing as this has been so far, I will call out that there were a few
days before the big news came that I felt wonderful. Like better than I have in
a long long time. My wife and I were spending some really great time together,
the kiddo was being really fun to hang out with, work was flowing nicely. I
also feel that I did the right thing and savored those days. I took it in and
will strive for more of those days.

Oops. I forgot to finish this. Hello from the next day.