sometimes people ask me how i am, and i don't know how to answer because i'm
often not in a good state for self-assessment.

--

when i'm feeling good, i can't remember a time during which i didn't feel good,
and it seems inconceivable that i could ever not be feeling good.

when i'm feeling bad, i can't remember a time during which i didn't feel bad,
and it seems inconceivable that i could ever not be feeling bad.

there is the up state and the down state; without a transitional grey zone in
between, i have no mechanism with which to bridge between them. i cannot touch
either state from the other. sometimes, the switch just flips.

--

sometimes i have to remember that most people are not inside my head 24/7,
therefore most people do not see, hear, or experience the chatter that is my
general head state. sometimes i have to remember that all humans are
individual, fully-formed humans with their own agency, and thus act
autonomously and in their own self-interests. i act only in my own
self-interest, because i am incapable of perceiving things beyond my own
awareness; others do the same. somehow, we manage to cooperate.