November 26, 2020
I think I've mentioned that I don't dream much, but when I do my viewpoint is broken up or chopped up, like in a montage in a movie. It feels like I can't keep my mind's eyes open. Or maybe it feels like everything I'm experiencing is already in the past or out of time, even as I'm experiencing it. My time awake has become kind of similar, minutes or hours at a time lost while i'm immersed in... what? I'm not sure.
I'm talking more to some people now, and talking less to others. Not intentionally, I just am. There's 10 things at any time I want to do, but don't or can't. I used to worry that people I talk to through the internet don't have analogue existences, but I can't afford to worry about that now.
I think the world is ending or transforming very rapidly, but no one else seems to think that, or the other people who think that, from my perspective looking at them, seem a bit absurd. Still, I can't shake the feeling. I'm starting a new relationship with someone who's beautiful and strange. I can't think about how I feel about it now, so I'm proceeding on the blind faith that it's a good thing.
WARNING: Catastrophizing So many people are going to die in the next few months. So many more are going to die in the next decade. Maybe after then the population curve will slowly start to bottom out, depending on what we do. There's a ghost as big as a planet leaning on my bedroom door..