Top 10 Dumbest Criminals

10. Strike one!
England: A German "tourist," supposedly on a golf holiday, shows up at
customs with his golf bag. While making idle chatter about golf, the
customs official realizes that the tourist does not know what a "handicap"
is. The customs official asks the tourist to demonstrate his swing, which
he does--backward! A substantial amount of narcotics was found in the
golf bag.
9. "Hello? Guns for hire?"
Arizona: A company called "Guns for Hire" stages gunfights for Western
movies, etc. One day, they received a call from a 47-year- old woman, who
wanted to have her husband killed. She got 4-1/2 years in jail.
8. Say cheese!
A man successfully broke into a bank after hours and stole--are you ready
for this?--the bank's video camera. While it was recording. Remotely.
(That is, the videotape recorder was located elsewhere in the bank, so
he didn't get the videotape of himself stealing the camera.)
7. Drop everything and run!
Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from
the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the
front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their
truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the chain still
attached to the machine. With their bumper still attached to the chain.
With their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper.
6. Just forget it
Virginia: Two men in a pickup truck went to a new-home site to steal
a refrigerator. Banging up walls, floors, etc., they snatched a refrigerator
from one of the houses, and loaded it onto the pickup. The truck promptly
got stuck in the mud, so these brain surgeons decided that the refrigerator
was too heavy. Banging up *more* walls, floors, etc., they put the
refrigerator BACK into the house, and returned to the pickup truck, only
to realize that they locked the keys in the truck--so they abandoned it.
5. Ouch
A man successfully broke into a bank's basement through a street-level
window, cutting himself up pretty badly in the process. He then realized
that (1) he could not get to the money from where he was,(2) he could
not climb back out the window through which he had entered, and (3) he
was bleeding pretty badly. So he located a phone and dialed "911" for
help . . .
4. Let's do a little math
A man walked into a Circle-K (a convenience store similar to a 7-11),
put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk
opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the
cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took
the cash from the clerk and fled-- leaving the $20 bill on the counter.
The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars.
3. I know I forgot something
Indiana: A man walked up to a cashier at a grocery store and demanded
all the money in the register. When the cashier handed him the loot,
he fled--leaving his wallet on the counter.
2. You mean me?
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving
revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved,
the startled first bandit shot him.
1. The Hefty-bag
A man went into a drug store, pulled a gun, announced a robbery, and
pulled a Hefty-bag face mask over his head--and realized that he'd
forgotten to cut eye holes in the mask.