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Date: 2024-09-23
Time: 10:00 am (ish)
Mood: eyes are starting to open
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I think I need to just be quiet.

This sounds a bit harsh - telling myself to basically "shut the fuck up" - but it's true. I talk too much and tend to turn simple conversations into larger discussions that no one intended or wanted to have. It's also not apparent to me at the time the conversation is happening that I might be annoying people; it's only LATER that I reallize all this. That's when I really feel stupid. It's probably some social anxiety or something(?), or maybe a delay in understanding people's body language? Or maybe the near complete LACK of body language in most of the conversations I have?

That's odd. "Lack of body language". While it's true I've always felt a bit out of place, that feeling has only increased since the pandemic. I feel like I've had a bit of an issue "reading" people, being able to tell when a topic of conversation has run its course for the other people in the room. I feel like I was better at it before the pandemic. Could part of this be due to the fact that I'm still working at home? I mean, before the pandemic nearly all of my conversations and interactions with people were in-person. Body language is a lot easier to read _when you can see the person you're talking to_ and now most people keep their cameras off when meeting remotely.

For the past 4 years - 8 hours a day, five days a week - the majority of my conversations have happened over Teams/Zoom, where the other person is not showing their face. Outside of work, thanks to social media, YouTube, and the rest, most of my interpersonal relationships happen with a screen of some kind in the middle. How can anyone
expect to keep their interpersonal skills sharp when they, at best, get only audio input from their inteactions with others?

It's no wonder I feel more out of place these days. Given that this trend toward less and less face-to-face interaction is likely to continue, it's probably best that I be quiet until I have a better grasp on how to read people and situations better using only my ears.


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