lots happening recently. so many emotions in many directions

alex has officiated their online relationship with someone. its scary and
unsual and terryfying but I need to learn to deal with it. this relationship
stuff is still so new to me! it feels so nice but so painful for someone I
loved with all my heart to be all lovey dovey with someone new. it REALLY
upset me but I think I was just scared they'll eventually grow tired of me
and drift away. also the fact that this new person is also a girlboy that 
does music stuff AND knows car stuff how can I compete D:. I know alex still
loves me and I still love alex and maybe this is all for the best. We did
kind of rush into our relationship way back in january 2023.. Now we can
experience eachother as friends. Business partners even ~

I think I'm getting healthier with people in general. I've been living with
this carnal fear for too long. I think the reality is that most people are
just as socially frightened as I am. And like I'm not even that bad with
people I'm just bad at turning strangers into friends. I'm getting better, I
hope..

Started playing mario and the thousand year door today. Silly game with a 
silly red man

Yes, I definetely wouldn't feel so hurt if their new person wasn't also a 
girlboy. Thats the thing that hurts the most. I'm being replaced by the
newer model!