.--. .--. .--. .--. .--. .--. .--. :::::.\::::::::.\::::::::.\::::::::.\::::::::.\::::::::.\::::::::.\ ' `--' `--' `--' `--' `--' `--' DATE : 2019.02.23 TIME : 12:41 AUTHOR : SNOWCRASH@SDF.ORG MOOD : CONTEMPLATIVE TITLE : REALLY COMMITTING TO SOMETHING .--. .--. .--. .--. .--. .--. .--. :::::.\::::::::.\::::::::.\::::::::.\::::::::.\::::::::.\::::::::.\ ' `--' `--' `--' `--' `--' `--' I feel like I have lived an extremely ordinary life. I've done ordinary things, followed ordinary models of progression that people are expected to follow. You know the deal, go to school, go to college, graduate and get a job, get married, have kids, work decades, etc. It's like I have a series of in game achievements that I have unlocked. But I clearly feel like I have been playing on normal mode, and if I am honest on easy mode sometimes. I wonder if I am capable of unlocking achievements on hard mode. Take my hobbies, ham radio and classical guitar. Over the winter I have not done shit with ham radio. My antenna setup is outside and not up full time, and I havent done anything in the attic. I am clearly in easy mode there, and I haven't taken any serious steps to studying for the advanced extra license. Take classical guitar, here I am solidly in the normal mode. I take weekly lessons I practice every day, but usually only 15-45 minutes each day. I think this has the best chance of going to hard mode if I could consistently practice 1-1.5 hours a day. Life, laziness and time all conspire against that but I think I can slowly move toward it. As I sit here thinking about this post, I guess I am just feeling really unsatisfied being ordinary. Life doesn't feel like an adventure any more to me. A lot of weeks it just feels like if I detach myself enough by filling my time with things to keep me busy that I can force the week to be over. Am I alone in feeling this way? Probably. -Snowcrash ¯\_(ツ)_/¯