I just went to the charming, 4th-biggest-city-in-NZ, outdoor, night- time orchestral performance orchestrated by the Hamilton Garden Arts Festival. Their internet presence is not worth entertaining, so no link. It was the Rusty Player Orchestra conducted by Rupert D'Cruze. The schedule reads like other flamboyant or slightly weird orchestr al music (and unrelated) hung on the premise of some Tchaikovsky wit h the intriguing 1812 overture billed to end in fireworks. I give the orchestra and conductor As (of ambiguous signum) for thei r performance. Sadly, that's not a good description of the otherwise charmingly just-barely-rural event. The content, The Magnificent Seven - E.Bernstein Chariots of Fire - Vangelis Light Cavalry Overture - Suppe This is Me - theme from The Greatest Showman The Big Country - J.Moss Waltz of the Flowers - Tchaikovsky Can Can (Orpheus) - Offenbach Finlandia - Sibelius Ritual Fire Dance - de Falla Superman Returns - Williams/Ottman Jupiter (Planets Suite) - Holst Hallelujah - Cohen arr Justus Rozemond 1812 Overture finale - Tchaikovsky had me grapple with the clear reality that movie themes, which get g aspingly called our time's contribution to great music are cheap and tawdry when put next to even a controversial legendary romantic com posor. Here I must house an unfortunate interjection. The first MC of the n ight seemed promising and kiwi-as, reminding us of the names of the sponsors and to use the recycling bins before abrogating himself in leiu of a second MC whose time seemed mercifully short until the kin dergarten teacher MC took the stage. The orchestra's stage was nicel y placed for the whole audience at the lower part of the gently slop ing Rhododendron lawn in Hamilton City Gardens. Their stage was fain tly set with slightly pink stars above the musicians, who were handi ly lit. To the right, a massive white-barked tree was given a color gradient: It worked surprisingly well. Unfortunately, to the left a temporary projector screen had been set up, which robotically flippe d between close-ups of different musicians, showing that they were i n fact very shabbily dressed - intending to be heard, rather than se en that night. The screen naturally segued into garish yellow-light- studded carnival food stands. "Do you like movies?" shrilled the kindergarten teacher. The Magnificent Seven theme When cut as a trophy from the movie scene of the time and mounted as a starting piece here, I was reminded how much the words cliche, ch eap and epic have in common. It certainly sounded like a show openin g with the theme from The Magnificent Seven. Chariots of Fire theme An orchestra playing a recognisable theme like an uncommonly skilled friend humming a few bars to remind you how that movie's theme goes