I must ask; compelled - within the literature and philosophers,
   have you found some who at first resonated with you and then
   failed you?

   I ask because I regularly deconstruct my heroes, sometimes
   painfully so and go through the stages of trauma in the process
   on a somewhat regular basis.

   I don't know if it's healthy or not but it's almost a
   compelling. Yet I never fully reject; I keep some parts, reject
   other parts, try to see them as someone like me, rather than me
   like them.

   Again, I don't know why I do this.