-----------
              Billy Bob Bates
                   =====

        Billy was growing tired of life
    with his mother, sister, cousin, and
    wife.  She had started growing cold -
    What?  Why the singular?  Same person.
    Anyway, she had grown cold.  Putting
    out less, brushing her once lovely
    tooth, losing 120 pounds of baby weight
    despite vows to keep her plump bridal
    figure, and so-on.  The welfare drying
    up after the kids left town with the
    circus did nothing to help.

        Seeing no relief on the horizon,
    Billy planned.  After packing Martha
    her lunchtime cigarettes and Bud Light
    for the Ladies' Bingo & Boilermaker
    Hour, he hitched the Airstream to the
    lawnmower and began his bid for a new
    life.  As money was tight, he engaged
    the mower deck across town, trimming
    some lawns along the way.  There was no
    need to unhook the trailer as all were
    on his route.  The final day of lawn
    money would buy enough gas and vodka to
    make the county line.

        Life started looking up as he
    merged onto the paved highway from the
    town's dirt road.  With a bit of luck,
    he could be at Aunty Mabel's meth shack
    by dusk for an amphetamine pick-me-up,
    feminine company for the night, gray
    water hook-up, and more cash come
    morning by taking the day's deliveries
    while Mabel slept in.

        Billy Bob Bates was a man with a
    plan.  A man with nowhere to go but up.
    His face broke into a toothy grin as he
    swigged some vodka, flicked off his
    Ryobi hat, and felt the breeze of an
    open road tousle his mullet.

                  - FIN -