Today's been crappy. I hope it improves.

Last night I went to SAEC and felt my energy immediately drain away from 
me. The people who remind me most of the situation I'm dealing with 
right now are there, and while it's none of their own fault, I think it 
just took something away from me. I don't know what. After SAEC we ate, 
and after we ate I went with Rob and Tatum to Whole Foods. I felt pretty 
terrible most of the time and just couldn't get the situation off of my 
mind. I bought some overpriced gelato and kombucha and darted off to go 
to my room as soon as we got back. On my way back, tornado sirens kept 
going off throughout Jackson, and as soon as I arrived back in my room 
it began pouring down rain (and what sounded like possibly hail). I 
finally got a tornado warning on my phone and my RA went through the 
hall knocking on every door for us to go down to the first floor. I just 
ignored it and fell asleep before 9:30 could come and slept until about 
12:45 today. Fifteen hours. And the only reason I got up when I did is 
because I remembered that I had to meet with Ms. Sudderth, my 
accompaniment for voice, at 1:45.

After meeting with Ms. Sudderth, and feeling pretty stressed because I 
knew all but one of my songs aren't yet ready for jury next month, I 
went to the computer lab to type up a journal entry for how I felt as 
well as complete the topic proposal I needed to have for Beethoven. Then 
I went to the Letterpress Studio at 2:30 for Dr. Pickard's class - only 
to realize that I mixed my times up and Dr. Pickard's class was at 
12:55 and that I was supposed to be in Beethoven. I wouldn't have even 
realized this had I not gotten the notification from my planner on my 
phone. I have totally lost it. After attending the class twice a week 
for the past three months, one would think I'd have this down by now.

I am stressed by this situation that is going on with my friend as well 
as my failure to meet the academic standard that I've set for myself. I 
used to have a passion and desire to learn all that I could and push 
myself forward to get the best grade that I possibly could. Hell, it's 
what got me to be the valedictorian in high school. But my grades have 
steadily declined during my time at college, and my mental state has 
gone somewhere that I can't see the road ahead. Every so often I do get 
a strong sense of the feeling that everything is going to be okay, but 
today is just one of those days where nothing so far has allowed that.

I'm sick of the yolk being popped on my fried egg. Literally and 
metaphorically.