I am so useless right now! 

Dress rehearsal went really good, 
which is not helping with my stress. 

I am not agitated, or  panicking, 
just useless. I'm glad I don't have
smokes with me or I'd be going 
outside to smoke all day. 

One hour before I have to 
leave for theatre, but we 
could leave all the gear as is, 
last night, so there isn't 
a lot to setup. Make-up, costume,
I have to review the sound effect
for Gregor's voice... 

My daughter and my ex will be
there too. Which bring to the 
surface more emotions. I haven't
been in the same room as my
ex for a while now. We see 
each other here and there. 
I see how she would like to
be friend, and seems disappointed
that I still hold some resentment. 

When I started directing the
play, I had a family, a wife
and a daughter, in our home, 
it was getting peaceful after 
some trauma from last year. 

And now, as this theatre season 
comes to an end, I'm more often
alone then ever. 

It's quite the release of a
project. I felt like crying 
yesterday, crying from holding
the space for 9 months for this
to happen and now it's happening. 

It's a weird sensation. It's 
what has kept me going for the
last few months. And now, 
in the next 72 hours, it will 
be over. 

It's such a strange thing. 
I marvel at this psychedelic
reality.