this is a depressing post, read at your own risk!

So it's official, after discussin, thinking
of maybe trying, going to couple therapy, 
taking a break, it's clear, my wife and I 
are separating for good. 

It's a bit sad, but at the same time it's
exciting to be moving on. It will be hard
but it's also new. I tend to see the positive
in all things... 

I also slowly moving toward self-hosting more
of my projects. With lucid.observer getting 
almost launched, I've started to list my
meditation and dream on there. It feels 
good to focus on one thing only, and have
a place to record my dreams, my reflections,
my meditations. I've posted a few dreams, 
and my latest guided meditation. 

Go check it out on gopher! lucid.observer

I'm planing to work a bit more with Solene,
this Friday to activate gemini as well. I'll
see what will live on the gemini side of the
server, but so far it will be a small server
with local email, gopher and gemini hosting. 
There might be a small bulletin board too :D

I've backed up my gopher here. I am questioning
moving out of sdf for gophering and moving it
all to lucid.observer. I had a weird interaction
on COM the other week and it made me want 
to move on from SDF. Although I'm developing
good friendship here, and it's the only
online community I partake on, I was 
quite hurt and made me take a bit of
a break. 

This gopher hole is filled with sadness,
suffering, loneliness. Filled with failed
attempt to list my music, to create a garden,
to write poetry. Starting fresh might be a 
good move. Well, with all that is happening
in my life right now you might understand
where this desire to start fresh comes from. 

It made me think about all of use 
going minimal, text only, gopher, gemini
and such. To a certain degree we want  less
computer time, less complexity. 

I was ready solderpunk blazing star post: 

gopher://zaibatsu.circumlunar.space:70/0/~solderpunk/phlog/embracing-the-universe-like-a-blazing-star.txt

I liked it. I've started a few years back
a lot of what he is listing there and I feel
there should be some sort of guide of liberation
from the modern web... The more account you delete,
the less dependant you become from the web, 
the more you realize that there isn't a lot
that you need. 

As we are preparing for my wife to leave
the house, we are clearing up all the thing
we don't want. I don't know really what I 
want to keep. I feel like I want to get rid 
of so many things... There is a part of me 
who built a persona for my wife, that I don't
even know if I need or want anymore. 

Writing is always there. Meditation is 
always there. Music, although maybe not 
electronic, is still there. Drawing too! 
Karate, theatre... 

Well I guess a lot wants to stick around! 
But reducing the amount of stuff will
be healing. 

I will also move from this house at
one point. Maybe this year, maybe in
a couple years. It will be awfully lonely
to be in here... I have a feeling my daughter
might not want to come and visit too often. 
It gets so dark here, and so cold. We'll 
see how it turns out. I was feeling quite 
lonely in here even with my wife, so 
it might be different? Could I invite 
other people to live in here?

I might move to the Ashram too at a certain
point. A in-between, for a while... I don't
know. But I feel my 'stuff' needs to light
up so I can be ready to move when needed.