I wouldn't qualify what is happening
now as a burnout, but my nervous 
system is definitely in overload. 

This feeling of never being able to 
fully rest, this nervousness, really
easily being triggered by others, and
being very emotional all indicate a 
week nervous system.  I've got myself
some royal jelly, since it helped
quite a lot in the past. 

The festival last weekend, although
quite enjoyable was also a big source
of stress on many levels. 

This last week, with the landlord 
living in my house, it was also
quite stressful. I don't really have
a contract here, and although I would
probably be fine, I never know when 
he'll decide to sell the place. 
And with everything that is happening
in my life, I'm kind of expecting more
bad news. 

This fear, this negativity is also a
symptom of being burnt. I have a hard
time picturing myself in a beautiful
calming future. 

This weekend my daughter is home after
a couple week of being at her mom. It 
feel good to be with her. She is super
happy to do nothing, watch tv, eat food,
go to the beach. I couldn't handle more
at this point, and she also needs to 
do nothing for a bit. Life in the 
city has been quite draining for her
too, and her new class at school has 
been less than inviting. 

We have a deal now that she is taking
over the whole studio downstairs, so
I have to move my stuff around the 
house.  I am still unsure about this 
whole move out of the studio, but it 
will be a good reason to purge even
more of what I have. My ex moving out 
was a nice continuation of our purge 
of material stuff that has been happening
for the last few years. I feel like I 
still have a lot of stuff everywhere, 
and by changing everything in the 
house I feel I'll be able to lighten 
my physical possessions load. 

I moved my music studio upstairs by
my bedroom, on the same floor as the
tv. Twice already in the last 2 days, 
I went upstairs to crash in the couch
and watch some anime, but instead, I 
kept on walking and went to play some
synth. I so easily get caught up into
sound design and creating textures, and
beats, and moving my music studio from 
my working office, to a new place really
helps with the creativity. 

After a day of working in front of my 
computer, I really didn't feel like 
going back down in the studio to then
play music. These are 2 different energy, 
for me, and my work is really not creative
a lot of the time. I do a lot of web, not
a lot of illustration, branding, writing. 

Now the table I use for my synth is my 
drafting table, that I almost gave away. 
I can move the synth a bit and draw. 
And behind me, in my new studio, I 
have my new meditation spot. It's 
nice to have this near my bedroom...
Well, hammock room...  I also have my 
t-60 laptop, in order to also be able
to write in that new 'tiny' studio. 

Changes, changes all the time. I feel
like I am being forced into my own evolution. 
Always with new experiences. I don't know
why I live through all these different
realities. Sometime I feel that I am over
dramatic and we're all going through 
different life experience. And sometime
I realize how different I am. 

I always wonder if there is a purpose
to all that. And then I remember the 
word of one of my teacher: 

"Your life have as much purpose 
as the bubble created when you
piss in the toilet"