A bit of a bland update~ maybe
to help be get back into writing
in a more regular way?

I bought a car, it's a stick
shift, it's a new learning,
my brains likes it. It's really
more like driving a machine, 
it's more 'fun', although I don't
want to allow myself to like
driving??  A 46, it's the first 
time I buy a car by myself, it's
a strange feeling, a little more
grown up than I see myself. 

Full moon is coming up and we're
in the week of putting the play
out there. It's been over 10 months
in the making with 2 months off. 
It's weird to be a director, 
more on that shortly. 

My addiction to Youtube
is ridiculous. I don't 
want to admit it, but it's
been filling a void of
loneliness.  It makes me
feel as if people are talking
to me personally. I feel 
less alone... It's a big 
addiction, similar to when
I was addicted to the social
network. I'm looking forward
to be over that. 

I'm getting the Digitone II
in a few days. This synth is
really crazy. I like the 
Elektron workflow, and I've
been looking for a drum synth. 
Digitone is not a drum synth but
it can really be one. In any case
since it's just been release it
will be easy to resell if I 
I need to. 

I'm excited about new gear, but
I dislike the 'pause' it create
in my own music creativity. I'm
really looking forward to play 
with this new toy, so I don't 
feel as excited to play with 
the toy I have now... It's a 
shame, I'm looking forward 
to just play with my toys. 

My new writing spot is inspiring. 
I write poetry in French on there. 
I'm not sure it will make it to
the gopher land. 

I've move from wanting
to be celibate for the rest
of my life, to be celibate for
a year. Then I realize that the
only affection I was getting
was from my cat. Then I though
maybe a sex bot could be a
solution, then I though that
I might be okay with a women
with not a lot of experience
with men (as I feel very 
inadequate still.) Now I'm 
making a list of what I would 
look in a partner. It feels 
like I'm re-opening to the
idea of being with someone.
I'm still not looking, but 
I think about a relationship
in a more positive way. 

I've lapse in my mantra, dream
and yoga practices in the last
couple weeks. As I focus on work
and theatre it feels like other
parts of myself are put on the 
back burner. 

Works is good, I have many 
new contract, and I dive into
work as it keeps me away of 
feeling lonely, with the added 
value of making my bank account
growing. I have a bit of saving
now even after buying a new car. 

I want to save some more to be
able to travel during the winter. 
We'll see how that goes, but my
daughter  is really excited about
traveling down south.

I'm a bit meh about all that, 
although I'm grateful that I
don't feel as broken as in September. 
I don't cry as much anymore. 
I am more annoyed about my 
ex, instead of being sad. 
I guess that's part of grieving. 

I need to rebuild my energy 
from the ground up. I've been
quite wasteful on many level,
and looking forward to be out
of that phase. I know it takes
time...