i'm so tired of doing group projects. why, why, why do we have to
have meetings instead of just emailing each other. it's making me
lose my mind in a small way each and every day. but that's just
class stuff. they're going fine in general, at least i think.
there's a lot of class-related stuff that's annoying me but i'm
also just being annoyable right now. research is going fine. i've
been so overwhelmed with these group projects and homeworks that i
haven't really been able to settle into my third rotation's lab.
i'm on an interesting project but i'm also just sort of... i don't
know. i guess i feel like i made a bad choice out of the three
options for projects i was given when the rotation started. i also
just really don't find model training to be satisfying work. sure,
thinking about it is fun, but i'm not really doing that nor am i
really qualified to do that. so i don't know. but this was the lab
i really wanted to end up in. it's literally not even been a week
so i need to calm down. i liked my last rotation a lot except for
the scheduling side of things. that, and i'm afraid i wouldn't be
able to do much computational work. i guess i don't even want to
write about school stuff and i'm annoyed as if someone is making me
write about it.

what else other than school... 

ana and i are working on more merch and i maybe finally finished
the second of two designs. i'm super excited to get that finished
up but also a bit terrified. i always feel mixed feelings around
selling stuff like that. spotify income is one thing, no one's
really paying me specifically for that. but when it's merch or
bandcamp stuff, i feel a bit more guilty when people buy things. i
know they're just doing it because they want to but i can't help
but feel like they feel some sort of obligation to. i know that
doesn't make any sense. it's kept me from doing any sort of other
physical media too since the first round of tapes however long ago
that was with max and ismael. i know the opportunity is always
there with ismael and eric and they'd love to make more tapes or
whatever with me and i do think it would eventually be fun. i guess
another part of it is that it's a more real evaluation than
streaming numbers of just how many people *extra* care. and
sometimes i just don't really want to know that. oh yeah. and if i
made a bunch of stuff and barely sold any i'd feel stupid.

i've been listening to a little more music than usual (which was
none at all), so i guess i'm listening to just a little bit of
music. i'm going through the whole thing where no music sounds good
and all music sounds bad. but i've found some songs i've liked at
least. i think sometimes it helps to make a game out of it. so what
i'm doing right now is that it has to be a specific kind of twee i
think made from 1997-2002, except i've been being a little more
flexible with the dates. i also am getting frustrated with myself
and kind of the world for the whole reliance on the algorithm for
music recommendations. unless you're reading blogs or biographies
or whatever, you're reliant on either the fans also like section,
radio, or playlists either generated or made by other people who
also found it from one of those three methods. and you just hope
along the chain of playlists someone is reading and thinking
otherwise we're just passing around whatever it's predicted we'd
like. and it ends up being a lot of stupid stuff that doesn't make
any sense. i don't know. it's not like i want more music
influencers in the world because that's even more annoying. i do
like reading silly personal music things people share if it isn't
just 'oh yeah this was recommended to me and also recommended to
all of you already because we're classified into whatever same
niche.' i know i'm doing the thing i tend to do with the internet
where i'm just minorly annoyed about one thing and make it out to
be a way bigger issue. but hey, maybe it will force me to be more
conscious of my sources.