Journal Entry for Feb 11th, 2023

Well, things have been up and down. My mental health has been okay, but I've been having issues with my balance and dizziness which is concerning.
There's a huge shortage of family doctors right now, so unless things get really serious I'm going to wait it out and see what happens.
Some days it's barely there, other days I tilt my head in the wrong way and the world starts spinning. It all started back in January, on one
of the Saturdays early in the morning. I woke up around 3AM because I had to use the bathroom. Started to get up out of bed and WHAM, the most
intense vertigo I have EVER experienced. I couldn't even sit upright, I just collapsed back onto my bed. As soon as I was laying horizontally
with my head tilted a bit to the left, the vertigo would go away. But as soon as I tried to get up again, it was like being on a crazy ass
rollercoast. The problem was, I REALLY had to use the bathroom, and I was seriously worried I was going to wet the bed. I started to panic,
and then I forced myself to breathe and just think things through. 

Should I try moving really slowly? That way if I start to hit a position that triggers it, I can move back the way I came, so to speak. After
much experimenting, I found that keeping my head perfectly level and moving very slowly, I could sit up, and then slowly stand up. Managed to
get to the bathroom, but while there I looked down and almost fell over. Anyway, the whole thing was a nightmare. I was freaked out that it
wouldn't pass. Thankfully, I had some gravol nearby, so I took one and this helped (and also helped knock me out). When I woke up later that
day, the vertigo wasn't as bad, but I still had to move slowly.

The sudden onset is what really confuses me. When I went to bed that night, I had absolutely no symptoms whatsoever of dizziness, etc. Since then,
it has varied a lot day by day, but it has never been as bad as that first attack where I literally could not stand up. 

On the panic attack front, my doctor prescribed me some medication to help when they come on, which I've been using in order to go to the
pharmacy every few weeks. I still don't understand what is triggering them, but at least the last few times I've gone downtown to the pharmacy,
the medication seems to have mostly prevented them. Often, I will feel the panic start to come on, but if I focus and just breathe I'm able
to overcome it entirely, which is something I could not do without the medication.

Besides that, things are actually not too bad. Work has been busy, so pay has been good, and I should finally have my C64 repaired as soon
as the final tool arrives to replace the RAM. That should be fun! I also need to look into the power supply for my TI-99 at some point, as
when I play some video games I get static and weird video glitches which I'm told is very common when the power supplies start to fail after
over 40 years since manufacture.

Please send some good vibes my way and hope that everything turns out well!