!Advice to expecting mom
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agk's diary
07 July 2022 @ 17:33
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written on iPad via ssh.sdf.org in Safari
in armchair as Evy and our toddler go to library
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Yesterday, after I taught Basic Life Support/CPR
at work, there was a "4th of July" cookout in the
courtyard. That's my country's independence day.
I sat with a woman in human resources who's always
kind and helpful to me.
Behind me food services talked about their grand-
kids. Behind the woman our CEO and upper management
talked about their financial advisors' investment
advice and "friends" who lost money in bitcoin.
The woman in human resources is entering the third
trimester gestating her first baby. She asked for
newborn parenting advice. We did things odd and no
two births or babies are the same. Old internet'd
say "YMMV."
Birth
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* Get The Birth Partner by Penny Simkin from the
library for your husband. Talk about how you'll
birth together.
* Renew it so he can look up what's happening when
you start labor.
* Make a birth playlist.
* Do a birth dreamboard with him. Prioritize 5
things. Pack a birth bag of stuff you'll want.
* Learn about nonpharmaceutical pain control even
if you want an epidural. Brainstorm what you
think'll help. Try 5 things with him. Simulate
contractions (ice on wrist, thigh, or vulva):
1 min on, 4 off (5-1-1 pattern). How'd you pro-
cess pain? Which things helped? Write findings,
tuck into Birth Partner book.
* Hire a birth doula if you can.
First week
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* Our friend stayed with us the week before the
birth. She cleaned house and freezer, cooked
and froze a month's meals, posted a list on the
freezer door: how many containers of each meal.
We scrawled tickmarks as we ate. Cassie got us
a CSA farm share membership at Lazy Eight stock
farm for fresh produce.
* We had friends over once to play mah-jongg but
otherwise told everyone to go away (unless
they wanted to pick up our farm share basket).
Most people don't know how to help and that's
okay.
* I soaked pads with alcohol-free witch hazel
extract, froze 'em in ziplocs. We used many for
perineal pain control; warm dilute witch hazel
in the peri bottle helped too.
* Keep taking prenatal vitamins.
* We zipped our mattress in a waterproof cover
with comfy pillowtop due to breastmilk leaks,
spit-up, pee.
* We didn't buy a crib. My friend got us a sheep-
skin, we bought a wool swaddle blanket, Evy's
mom got us a Moses basket.
Diapers
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* The hardest part of cloth diapers is figuring
what to get. Our friend sent us her kids' old
diapers, which let us try a variety.
* We like prefolds or flats with adjustable snap
cover shells (a few polyester, one wool for
nighttime). We didn't like pocket diapers.
* Our newborn used 5-15 prefolds and 3 shells
daily. We change the shell at bedtime/morning,
and if it gets poop on it or soaking wet.
* Prefolds or flats are $2/ea, shells $10, rubber
fasteners for prefold/flat without shell $10
(greenmountaindiapers.com).
* Keep wastebasket diaper pail where you change
diapers. Bring wet bag or plastic walmart bag
when you go out.
* Dilute vinegar neutralizes pee-smells.
* Rinse cycle first, then wash and another rinse.
If they still smell, switch from the gentle
detergent you're using to something like Tide.
Line-dry when you can; sun's magic.
Pottying
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* We read The Diaper-Free Baby by Christine Gross-
Loh in the third trimester and postpartum.
* We pottied baby over basin or toilet starting
the day she was born. Eventually Evy bought a
small secondhand potty for a few dollars.
* We don't catch every poop or pee. Probably 7 of
every 8 poops are on the potty.
* Watching cues and meeting needs helps husband
build a meaningful role and attentive relation-
ship with baby.
Swaddling, soothing, carrying
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* I love Calming Your Newborn, a drawing by Colin
Matthes: justseeds.org/calming-your-newborn-
essential-knowledge-post-5/
* When the baby was new we carried her in the Moby
wrap Evy's best friend got us. It cost $40. I
walked her to the creek in it the morning after
she was born while Evy rested.
* When she was a few months old my mom brought my
nephew's old bouncer/rocker. We rocked her up-
right enough to see goings-on. Don't let babies
<4 months sleep unattended in old bouncers.
Breastfeeding and pumping
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* You might need to swipe baby's jaw open with a
finger and shove your breast in its mouth to
help it get a good, deep latch.
* Watch baby's jawline to see if it's swallowing.
Stimulation makes milk.
* Push sides of your breast to squeeze out more
milk, make more, not get mastitis. Lift/gently
move around your breasts in hot shower.
* The baby might nurse for 45 minutes at first.
Get somewhere comfy with a boppy pillow and
snacks. You get thirsty. Your husband can bring
water and rub your feet to help make milk.
* You have to eat more when you're breastfeeding
than when you're pregnant.
* If you have problems, lactation consultants know
more than your pediatrician. They work in the
hospital and community.
* Nursing bras are better than regular bras.
You'll probably have to size up. Put washable
or disposable nursing pads in your bra cups.
Not killing the baby or each other
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* Your husband should take the maximum FMLA leave
he can get. At the end of 8 weeks, you'll both
wish you lived in a country that allows longer
maternity/paternity leave.
* Catnip (Nepeta cataria) tea, warm or hot, is
the universal home remedy for baby irritation,
gas, constipation, fever. Brew 5 mins, drink
(it relaxes you too and is delivered in milk).
* Learn about "the period of purple crying" when
babies cry most (peaks at 2 months). Like you
planned for birth pain, make anyone who cares
for baby tell you their plan to cope with frus-
tration, exhaustion, and inconsolable baby.
* Mom-guilt's a thing. It starts early. They try,
but babies are actually bad at killing them-
selves. You're imperfect but probably adequate.
Relax, it's usually okay.
* Build and maintain your family/friend circle.
Your husband should too. As you feel and learn,
who'll you confide in, play board games/drink
coffee/walk with, etc? Whether things are great
or awful, don't hide. People need people.