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             = THE TRAGEDY OF AN ON-LINE ADDICTION =

                        - by Steve King -

"Did you know that last month's (expletive) phone bill is over
$450?" my wife scolded me in her harshest, my-husband-the-child
voice.  "That's more than twice the monthly payment you make for
that (expletive) computer!" she continued as she escalated to
screaming.

"I confess!  I confess!" I sobbed.  "I'm just an on-line junkie
-- I'm addicted to my modem!  I guess I'll just have to join
Modems Anonymous before I owe my soul to the phone company."

As a counselor for Modems Anonymous, I hear numerous variations
of the preceding story every day.  That insidious disease, modem
fever, is exacting a tragically large toll from the cream of our
society's computer users.  Modem-mania is sweeping through the
very foundations of our country and there seems to be no stopping
it.  This disease (yes, it is a social disease of almost epidemic
proportions) is becoming a such calamity that soon there's even
going to be a soap opera about on-line addiction named, "All My
Modems."

If you don't already own one of those evil instruments called a
modem, take warning!  Don't even think about buying one.  Modem
fever sets in very quietly; it sneaks up on you and then grabs
you by the wallet, checkbook or, heaven forbid, credit cards.

Once you own a modem, you enter the insidious addictive trap by
"dialing up" a friend who also has a modem.  For some strange
reason, typing messages to each other fascinates you.  (Even if
it is less than 10% of the speed that you can speak the same
words over a normal voice phone link.)  Of course, you make
several attempts at hooking up before you finally figure out that
at least one of you must be in the half-duplex mode; that
discovery actually titillates you (sounds impossible, but it's
true).

Then your modem-buddy (friend is too good a term) sews another
seed on the road to on-line addiction by giving you the number of
a local RBBS (Remote Bulletin Board Service).  Once you get an
RBBS phone number, you've taken the first fatal step in a journey
that can only end in on-line addiction.

After you take the next step by dialing up the the RBBS your