THE CRAZY BASTARDS BOOK OF FUH most of the text in this book comes from textfiles.com which is an archive of textfiles from the 1980's run by Jason Scott, you definitely should check out his website. http://textfiles.com/ Disclaimer the content in this book is for entertainment purposes only and not to be tried in real life. this document is in no way affiliated with or connected in any way whatsoever to textfiles.com. the views and opinions expressed by the author of any article or block of text in this document is theirs and theirs alone and do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of textfiles.com or the person who created this document. I claim no copyright or ownership whatsoever on any part of this document. The Crazy Bastards Book of Fun if you love reading about crazy shit, this book is a collection of mostly text documents from bbs anarchy forms, there's also some awesome cooking recipes, and if you love outdoor cooking, there are three different brick rocket stove designs you can learn, thats very easy to build. Table of Contents Pothead How to grow pot The Growing of Marijuana Indoors THE ART OF MAKING BONGS THE BENEFITS OF CANNABIS Cooking Food You Can Get Fucked Up On Acapulco Green Pot Soup Pork and Beans and Pot The Meat Ball Spaghetti Sauce Pot Loaf Chili Bean Pot Bird Stuffing Apple Pot Pot Brownies Banana Bread Sesame Seed Cookies One-pot spaghetti bolognaise Bacon, vegetable and lentil soup Breakfast Brekkie in a glass Pancakes Buttermilk Waffles Brick Rocket Stove Funny As Fuck Anarchy 5 Ways to Kill a Car Krazy Glue Tricks A Collection of Pranks An Anarchists' Guide to Airports Destroying an Apple Computer Fun things to do to an asshole's car How to Have Fun in a Hotel HOW TO TERRORIZE MCDONALDS Some More Mayhem, by the Fixer BASTARD OPERATOR FROM HELL Creative Ways to Answer your Phone 20 WAYS TO SABOTAGE YOUR SCHOOL 50 Fun Things For Non-Christians To Do In Church. Fun things to do to stupid neighbors REVENGE FOR EVERY OCCASION Supermarket Fun 100 WAYS TO FREAK OUT YOUR ROOMMATE A Collection of Answering Machine Jokes Actual bumper stickers found on cars Pothead How to grow pot Most seeds are fertile, but the best are from Mexico. Never throw your seeds away, for pot is a weedand can be grown almost anywhere. 1) First, soke your seeds overnight in clean, lukewarm water. 2) Obtain a planter box. If this is not avaliable, a plastic dish tray about two inches deep will serve just as well. 3) Fill the container with washed fine sand and shredded sphagnum moss. If this is not readily avliable, you can use regular soil. The soil should be packed firmly, and watered well so that the excess water is allowed to run off. 4) Dig furrows the full length of the container about one-half-inch deep. Now, you can sow your eeds. Do so every inch. Fill in each furrow with a clear plastic sheet and place it in a warm location where there are atleast 6 hours of sunlight a da. 5) The plants are on their own until they develop their first true leaves. * Even if the material mentioned above is not avaliable almost the same degree of success can be accomplished by placing the seeds on several layers of water-soaked paper towes. Now cover the seeds with a plastic sheet just as above, and expose to sunlight. ** In about a week, signs of life should appear. Within two weeks, definite little leaves should be present. This is the time to transplant. Transplanting)- 1) The soil should be similar to the original soil used in the germinating box. Make sure you pull up all other weeds in the general area allowing your plant as much freedom f growth as possible. 2) The original germinating box should be watered the day before you are going so as to make the move easier on the plants, and cut root damage to a minimum. The plants shoud be placed in holes two or three inches, depending on the size of the plant. 3) If there is a lack of sunlight, a small amount of tin foil around the plant can be very helpful for the first few days are the most critical after the actual transplant. 4) If the plants survice the shock, there should be no reason why they shouldn't grow into health, fully grown plants (which means, in certain climates, fifteen to twenty feet high). Care)- Very little care is needed after this stage, with the exception of fertilization. For fertilizers, oe can use a soluble nitrogen, nitrate of soda, sulfate of ammonia, or rotting garbage. Remember the round around your plants should be clear of weeds, but strangely enough, insects and marijuana do noharm. Harvesting)- When the plants are obviously ready to be cut, you must prepare a place for them to dry. The best dring is in the sun, but if you live in the city, it could be embarrasing and dangerous to have five o ten fifteen-foot marajuana trees hanging out of your fire escape. In this case, a sun lamp may be ued. When using the sun, drying usually takes about two weeks. With a sun lamp, the pot is ready after ony three or four days. When drying is done, take the leaves and crush them. This will be used as smok, and you know the story from there. * I have found that when the seeds are first growing, that the rain has almost no effect if thereis good enough covering. Otherwise, it may flood. Have fun!... The Growing of Marijuana Indoors To better familiarize yourself with the growing of marijuana indoors, you will need a manual. This article does not carry you through the harvesting stage and, besides, you may have problems peculiar to your own circumstances. The best manual is Ed Rosenthal's "Marijuana Grower's Handbook, Revised-Indoor/ Greenhouse Edition", $19.95 + $4.00 for UPS. if you must have it sent to your P.O. box, instead of by UPS, send $6.00 for first class mail. Their address is: Quick Trading Co., P.O. Box 477, San Francisco, CA 94101. (MS - The company may no longer exist. I have not researched it.) If you plan to sell marijuana and even harder stuff to Russian occupiers or Cuban invaders, you'll want the full range of knowledge concerning the dope field. For all this you'll need to subscribe to High Times, P.O. Box 410, Mt. Morris, IL 61054. $29.95 for 12 issues. (MS - Once again this company may no longer be in existence.) Growing Cabinet This growing cabinet is unique in the way it is built and lighted. The construction is simply 2x4 construction with some lx2's around the top and lxl2's around the bottom. It is enclosed on the sides, back and top with large sheets of cardboard salvaged from refrigerator cartons at a local appliance store. The lumber was actually scraps picked up here and there. The main costs in the system were the lights, timer and heating pad. Buying these items at a local discount department store cost approximately $47.00. He utilized an aquarium pump in the nutrient solution which was an additional $5.00. The only other item purchased was a gallon of white latex exterior paint. He found it on sale for $7.00 at a local hardware store. This brought the total outlay of cash to $59.00 for the actual materials and parts that he purchased. He used scrounged lumber and nails for the basic construction. You should be able to duplicate the same cabinet for under $75.00, depending on how much you can scrounge. To build the cabinet he simply cut the parts and nailed the basic frame together(as indicated). Then he stapled the cardboard to the outside. He left the front open and covered it with more cardboard held in place by small pieces of wood which would turn on a nail. You can use plywood, cardboard, or whatever is handy. The idea is to totally enclose the cabinet and then paint all interior surfaces with exterior white latex paint. This gives you excellent light reflection. The racks that the plant containers actually sit on are a couple of pieces of 2x2 with 1x2 slats running across them. He did not paint these parts. When setting up the cabinet he laid down the heating pad and covered the entire base of the cabinet with several layers of newspapers. On top of this was placed two layers of clear plastic. The plastic was brought up the sides of the cabinet all around to a height of about eight inches. This made the container in which the nutrient was held. The lights are just plain shop lights sold in most shopping centers. They use four-foot long tubes. He installed three sets of these lights which increased the amount of lighting about 50% over the normal recommended. This was a key factor in producing a crop faster. The plants had plenty of nutrients, proper heating and an excess amount of light which is the governing factor in their growth. Other factors that allowed him to have a six and a half month crop in nine weeks was the special medium he used in the plant containers. He used three parts commercial potting soil, one part styrofoam pellets and four parts compost. His compost consisted of rabbit manure but you can use any good compost to achieve the same results. The other factor is that he used a wick-type nutrient feeder. This is simply braided nylon rope (he used 1/2 inch diameter) cut into lengths that will circle around and up inside your container and then extend well down into the solution. The rope acts as a wick and carries nutrient solution to the plant roots. For nutrient solutions he used Peters brand soluble plant food. From the time the seedlings were planted until they were about to bud, he used Peters 20-20-20. Then he switched to Peters 15-30-15 for the flowering cycle. Instructions for the amounts of chemical to be added to the water for growing the various types of plant are on the containers. When making up your nutrient solutions the most important factor is the ph balance. He found that his city water supply was too alkaline for the feeding of his plants. The testing for ph was done with a common aquarium water test kit, bought at any pet shop. A ph count of 6 to 7 is necessary so that the nutrients are not locked up and the plants are easily able to move them. An ideal range of 6.2 to 6.8 should be maintained if possible. Since his water was too alkaline he added small amounts of vinegar until the proper range was attained. If yours is too acid, add baking soda to bring it down to the proper level. This is one of the key elements of success. If the plants can't use the nutrients they won't grow. If the ph is correct and they have plenty of light and carbon dioxide they will grow like mad. The plant mix containing compost will add more carbon dioxide to the atmosphere in the cabinet. You can also add carbon dioxide with chunks of dry ice. He started his seeds in wet paper towels and put them in peat pots with potting soil as soon as the shells of the seeds began to crack open. These were then grown under 24 hour lighting until well established; about two weeks. Next, they were planted in one gallon containers and put in the cabinet with a growing cycle of 24 hour lighting. Lower the lights to about six inches above the plants. As the plants grow, raise the lights. The lights are hung by chain or thin rope. When the plants are about 3 1/2 feet tall, turn on your timer to allow 12 hours of light and 12 hours darkness. The important factor here is to not allow any light to interrupt the dark cycle. This is also the time to change your nutrient solution to a 15-30-15 for the flowering cycle. If you want to harvest just buds and a little leaf, you can turn back the light cycle to 24 hours a day for a week. This puts the plants into a forced growth period. Then go back to 12 hours dark and 12 hours light. Your plants will begin to flower again without having to spend a lot of time growing new stalks and leaves. This is called "regeneration" and, using this system, you can harvest five or six crops of buds a year. THE ART OF MAKING BONGS I didn't start smoking buds till my sophomore year in college. I hadn't even drunk alcohol till college. Since I'm not much of a partier, I had a pretty neutral attitude toward drugs. It's not that I bought the War on Drugs misinformation that the government has been dishing out, but rather that I just thought drugs had no place in my life. I had no inclination towards them, I had a relatively satisfying life, and I didn't care if other people used them or not. In college some of my buddies smoked buds and I was often in the room when it was going on. I was still indifferent until one of them explained to me how he felt about pot. He answered all my questions honestly and I got the sense that it certainly wouldn't hurt to try ONCE. I suppose the rest is history, since I took a great liking to old delta- 9 tetrahydrocannibinol, and I now consider myself a marijuana/hemp enthusiast, as well as a bong artisan. I urge everyone to inform themselves about the FACTS of marijuana and about the LIES of the "War on Drugs". Whether you smoke or not you should know about the true detriments and ^benefits* of marijuana. You should also know of the wide range of uses of the hemp plant itself, for medicine, paper, clothing, "wood", and food. If you don't know the facts, FIND OUT the facts by talking to a lot of smokers. They know. You can also search out marijuana-legalization groups. They know. With your new knowledge comes responsibility. Pass on the truthful information to friends, co-workers, EVERYBODY. The more real information people know about drugs, the less the DEA will be able to bash down doors, confiscate equipment, and deprive people of a perfectly natural experience. While I would like to get into the topic of drug advocacy, there are many essays already out there (print and electronic text) which do an excellent job of informing the public of the truth about drugs. This essay seeks to fill a gap in the drug literature by going into detail about bongs, bong-making, and bong-using. I bring my own experiences, experimentations, and reading into the creation of this document. I hope it will enlighten many people. Pass it on! The Bong Concept The anatomy of a conventional bong is *very* simple. It consists of a bowl (and screen), a stem (sometimes optional), a chamber, some liquid, and an opening for the mouth(s). chamber > "carta" > <--- "mouth pi ece" / \ / \ / \ I I