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The Strangest Computer Manual Ever Written
It's dark and funny and unlike anything else
[https]
David Friedman
6 hr ago
In the early 1980s, when the Apple II came out, a company called
Franklin made a knock-off version of the same computer. It was a
pretty blatant copy, which Apple wasn't happy about, but the law
wasn't clear yet on whether operating systems could be protected by
copyright. Apple eventually sued Franklin, and the court ruled that
operating systems could in fact be protected. That put an end to
Franklin computers.
But while Franklin's computers may have been clones, the Franklin
manuals were definitely original. They were more than just
user-friendly. They were written with a lot of creativity and humor.
The manual for the Franklin Ace 100 begins with about 40 pages of
computer basics: What are they and what can they do?
It's a little late to bring it up now, but a good rule of thumb
to keep in mind is that you shouldn't buy a computer unless you
know of at least two things that you can use it for BEFORE you
buy it. Using the packing box as a planter for your petunias
shouldn't be one of the two uses.
That sort of thing.
And then, on page 40, there is a chapter called "The Ancestral
Territorial Imperatives of the Trumpeter Swan." That's a really
strange chapter to put in a computer manual. Here's how the chapter
begins:
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For the next model, the Franklin Ace 1000, Franklin updated the
manual. Instead of being all one monospaced font, it became a lot
more readable. Here's how the same chapter appeared in the manual for
the Franklin Ace 1000:
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You can see that this manual has friendlier fonts. There are cute
cartoons of Benjamin Franklin throughout. But some of the written
humor is lost. They no longer call "Let's Get Started" a
"disgustingly cute phrase." The chapter heading is cushioned with "A
good title for this section might be..." This version of the joke loses
some of the punch.
But the Ace 1000 manual isn't just a watered down version of the Ace
100 manual. It has its own jokes, including several humorous glossary
entries. For example, in the first chapter of the manual there is a
list of things you can do with a computer. One thing it says you can
do is "get a list of recommendations for wines to serve with Terrine
Maison." I have no idea what Terrine Maison is. But you'll find it
helpfully defined in the glossary:
[https]
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The Ace 100 manual includes one section so shocking that I can't
imagine a modern computer company even considering putting it in a
manual. In this section, you are advised to circumvent copy
protection to make personal backups of programs you lawfully
purchased, and it even recommends software to help you do that!
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A company that built its flagship product by cloning Apple's
operating system recommends circumventing copy protection. At least
they're consistent.
The manual goes on to describe three categories of crooks in the
computer world. The first category is "Them," the computer
salespeople who overhype their products with advertising gimmicks.
The second category is "You." Franklin isn't actually calling you a
crook, but they say that software manufacturers will treat you like
one with over-reaching licensing agreements:
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The last category of crooks is under the heading "Us":
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I mean, technically I guess that was right, until the court ruling.
You won't be surprised to hear that most of the "Crooks" section is
omitted from the later Ace 1000 manual. But a condensed version still
appears in the section about copy protection.
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The Ace 1000 manual has a very dark section about the computer's
"reset" button, which was an actual physical button on the machine
that they warned you never to press. This is what it says:
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There's a button I'm supposed to never touch? And the accompanying
illustration has someone with a gun to his own head as he is about to
press the button? Is this some kind of psychological experiment? Now
I have to touch it.
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Both manuals make contemporary pop culture references, explaining the
concept of computer programs by comparing them to TV programs like
Hill Street Blues, The Dukes of Hazzard, or Live at the Met with
Itzhak Perlman (who the glossary helpfully defines as "a violinist").
In both manuals, the author tries to explain what kinds of programs
are useful and which to stay away from. He states that "the sole
purpose of many of these wonders in programming is to separate you
from your money." And then he gives this warning:
[https]
I'm pretty sure this is a reference to Damon Runyon, whose stories of
1930s New York hustlers were the basis for the Broadway musical Guys
and Dolls. Damon Runyon wrote, "One of these days in your travels, a
guy is going to come up to you and show you a nice brand-new deck of
cards on which the seal is not yet broken, and this guy is going to
offer to bet you that he can make the Jack of Spades jump out of the
deck and squirt cider in your ear. But, son, do not bet this man, for
as sure as you are standing there, you are going to end up with an
earful of cider."
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I first wrote an appreciation of the Franklin manuals back in 2010.
And at the time, I found myself wondering what other inside jokes the
manual has that I wouldn't know about. The manuals are uncredited,
but I figured out that they were written by a guy named Sal Manetta,
who later went on to work for Unisys and Intel. I couldn't reach him
initially, but I did get hold of Bob Applegate, a programmer who had
worked at Franklin.
Bob told me:
We hired this tech writer guy who knew nothing about personal
computers named Sal Manetta. He was the manager of the
Publication group. Sal hired a funky artist [Frank
someone-or-other] who did most of the drawings of Ben Franklin in
the user manual. Sal was supposed to learn about computers like
an average person back then, such as reading magazines, talking
to salesmen at stores, etc. Sometimes Dave and I would head over
to a local place where I used to work (where Franklin discovered
me), would "introduce" ourselves to Sal and give him advice on
buying his first computer, much to the annoyance of the sales
staff there.
Bob mentioned that many of the cartoons are based on real events and
people Sal encountered at Franklin. Here are some of the cartoons
along with Bob's comments:
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Engineering was in a long, narrow building with no windows,
nicknamed 'the cave'. Sal was never exposed to engineers before
Franklin, and we sometimes overwhelmed him. He often said
'Abandon hope all ye who enter' to people on their first visit to
our building.
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Look for the one of the boy soldering with an evil looking
computer... that's me... I wore Converse sneakers to work back then;
look at the star on the side of his sneaker.
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The computer salesman speaking BASIC code was my old boss at a
local computer store.
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The guy smoking a cigarette and dumping ashes onto the computer
is a repair guy from the same local store.
And where did the trumpeter swans come from?
The 'Territorial Imperatives of the Trumpeter Swan' was also
real. Resumes came pouring into Franklin, and we'd all look
through them. One guy had written a research paper with that
crazy title, and we all thought it was pretty interesting. So,
Sal worked it into the manual as a chapter title.
Shortly after my original post, I actually heard from Sal Manetta. He
was able to give a bit more context, including crediting the cartoons
to an illustrator named Frank Williams. You can find Sal's full
comment at my original post here, along with comments from several
other people who worked with Sal and Bob at the time.
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After Franklin lost their lawsuit with Apple, they continued to sell
computers that were similar to Apple's, but without any infringing
code. I found the manual for one of those computers, the Franklin Ace
500. Sadly, there is nothing creative to be found within. It reads
like stereo instructions. I was disappointed to see there's even a
chapter with the disgustingly cute name "Getting Started."
Want to read the manuals in full? Here they are:
Franklin Ace 100 (PDF)
Franklin Ace 1000 (PDF)
And for further reading, the newsletter Tedium has a great piece
about the early Apple clones that I recommend.
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That's it for the first newsletter of 2023! Thanks for reading. I
hope you had a great holiday and that the new year finds you and
yours happy and healthy.
See you next time!
David
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KW NORTON
Writes KW Norton Borders 4 hr agoLiked by David Friedman
[https] What a find and great post thanks!
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