|
what's a boundary in a relationship besides cheating where once it's
broken, there's no 2nd chance?
########################################################################
|u/Responsible_Caker - 15 hours
|
|You trust them with your insecurities or secrets that trouble you the
|most. And when you both fight, those things are used to mock you.
|u/Sad-Way-4665 - 14 hours
|
|And after the divorce, she uses those stories to entertain her
|girlfriends.
|u/Responsible_Caker - 14 hours
|
|That's gotta hurt.
|u/Sad-Way-4665 - 9 hours
|
|It did
|u/Moxi86 - 7 hours
|
|You two have the same avatar so it took me a minute to realize
|you weren't talking to yourself
|u/JuneApe - 7 hours
|
|Haha I had the same reaction
|u/Sad-Way-4665 - 7 hours
|
|I didn’t even notice
|u/Outside-Flatworm1890 - 6 hours
|
|3?
|u/Moxi86 - 5 hours
|
|Now you go on and get! Shits confusing as fuck already
|u/Djdjdjdjdj10 - 1 hour
|
|One is responsible and the other is sad
|u/sharkmouth92 - 8 hours
|
|I’ve had this happen and it sucks every single time yet they
|made us believe we could trust them to tell them if they didn’t
|demand we tell them.
|u/mondocalrisian - 7 hours
|
|No. There is no they. Women are not a homogeneous group. Stop
|your red pill bullshit and go outside.
|u/Grumpis1012 - 8 hours
|
|If her friends were good people, they wouldn’t be her friends.
|u/jmi60 - 7 hours
|
|If she was a good person she wouldn't be your ex-wife.
|u/Sad-Way-4665 - 7 hours
|
|Well, that was mostly my doing.
|u/jmi60 - 6 hours
|
|Poor guy. Well, I guess you're fair game in some respects. I
|would imagine your wife if you were still married would bag on
|you with her girlfriends because women do that with their
|girlfriends, so in that respect, she still loves you I guess or
|she wouldn't talk about you at all.
|u/overflowingsunset - 24 minutes
|
|You’re making a far reaching generalization about women and
|projecting your insecurities. Women who love their partners
|and are empathetic won’t be doing that.
|u/chasingsunset42 - 6 hours
|
|Damn… harsh!!
|u/mrlahhh - 13 hours
|
|Oh, this hits too close to home rn. I knew I shouldn’t have opened
|this thread ☹️
|u/Responsible_Caker - 13 hours
|
|Whatever your insecurities were, just know its okay to have them,
|and nobody possesses the right to use it against you.
|u/Zestyclose_Rabbit586 - 10 hours
|
|Right and ability are two different things.
|u/Responsible_Caker - 6 hours
|
|You got a point there.
|u/mrlahhh - 12 hours
|
|Yeah absolutely. Not really about “right” atm though, the
|betrayal is tough
|u/SmartAlec105 - 6 hours
|
|Same. I was in a drunk-cheerful mood but now I’m in a drunk-
|concerned mood
|u/yeah-this-is-fine - 11 hours
|
|My ex single handedly gave me performance anxiety, would guilt trip
|me any time I didn’t want to have sex, and then would use my
|performance anxiety against me in an argument. That shit stings.
|u/GoDominion - 8 hours
|
|I had a partner make fun of me for having a massive panic attack
|during sex. I'm a mentally stable person and during that panic attack
|the one thing I wanted to do was get in my car and drive 80mph into
|something solid. She said a few days later after some light banter
|"at least I don't cry during sex." 0-100 real quick. I looked past it
|for a while thinking that is was just a slip of the tongue since it
|was my first relationship, but once I discussed it with friends they
|said that she needed to go.
|u/Responsible_Caker - 6 hours
|
|That's really wicked in her part. You have great supportive
|friends.
|u/Cry-meariver - 13 hours
|
|I told my ex boyfriend how my father wanted to marry me off the a
|minister when I became of age. He used it against me.
|u/Responsible_Caker - 13 hours
|
|That's really bad and shameful on your ex's part. Anyway, good
|thing, he's your ex now.
|u/natsak491 - 10 hours
|
|Yea as soon as something shared in confidence is used against you,
|game over
|u/phobosmarsdeimos - 6 hours
|
|This is beyond your sexual partner too. A friend betrays that trust
|and it's gone.
|u/Responsible_Caker - 6 hours
|
|Absolutely right!
|u/Specialist-Way-648 - 4 hours
|
|You'd be surprised how common this is. I think it stems from a lack
|of respect in the relationship, it's def not something people just
|do. Well some might. Hope things are better!
|u/Responsible_Caker - 4 hours
|
|Maybe you're onto something here. It does come from a power
|imbalance, one feeling he is superior to the other, because he
|knows personal stuff. Thank you for your concern, yes they are
|good. Two of my friends had an ugly spat recently, and one of them
|spoke some things that shouldn't have been spoken, that made me
|realise this.
|u/Specialist-Way-648 - 4 hours
|
|That would be a good sign for couples therapy if it continues.
|Wishing them the best of luck! Have a good evening!
|u/MysticIncounter - 10 hours
|
|This is what got me to dump a promising relationship. Very true.
|u/Responsible_Caker - 6 hours
|
|Dodged a bullet there my friend.
|u/ketchupnliqour - 5 hours
|
|My sister has done this to me and a sibling. We confined in them
|about serious topics and issues with our partners just to have them
|throw it back in our faces or threaten to tell our partners families
|about a secret we shared.
|u/Responsible_Caker - 5 hours
|
|Time to disown your sister i guess.
|u/Aggravating-Pound520 - 3 hours
|
|true! Trust and respect should be non-negotiable in any
|relationship..
|u/Cheaky_Barstool - 36 minutes
|
|Best friend did this to me in January, he then cheated on his gf as
|well after haha. So yea. Shows the character of the man.
|u/Goldenbeardyman - 10 hours
|
|You trust her*
|u/Responsible_Caker - 9 hours
|
|Him/her/them, whatever floats your boat pal.
|u/Red_Marvel - 16 hours
|
|Violence or verbal abuse, get out as soon as possible.
|u/tunachilimac - 15 hours
|
|I used to work with a guy, nicest guy ever. He was the "give you the
|shirt off his back" type not "she owes me sex because I was polite"
|nice guy. Everyone loved him. Then one day he started getting
|really short tempered with everyone. We thought it was a bad mood or
|something but kept up and was getting worse like he'd shout and
|swear. Then one day his girlfriend let us know he'd hit her and she
|moved out, and wanted to know if we knew anything because it was so
|out of character. At that point our boss told him he either went to a
|doctor or he was fired. He cursed for a bit but agreed to keep his
|job. It ends up he ha brain cancer. Shortly after he started
|treatment, he went back to his old personality. He died not too long
|after that but was at least able to make amends and leave on good
|terms with everyone and he obviously felt absolutely terrible about
|what he'd done. This isn't to excuse violence in a relationship
|ever. But if you've known someone for a long time and it's a sudden
|dramatic shift, get yourself to safety but also please try to find
|someone that is able to convince them to seek medical treatment.
|u/ablack9000 - 13 hours
|
|I mean that’s about as close as it gets to a one time pass for a
|violent outburst.
|u/modsruinthisapp - 13 hours
|
|This was my thought too. Literally brain cancer changing your
|emotions...lol you get a pass
|u/PJHFortyTwo - 13 hours
|
|Reminds me of that one mass shooter in Texas. Had a tumor on
|his amygdala. I think it was Whitman.
|u/CombustiblSquid - 7 hours
|
|He knew something was wrong too. I studied this case in
|undergrad psychology and if I remember correctly he left a
|letter detailing some of the mood changes he had noticed and
|before going on the shooting asked that his body be left to
|science and that his brain be examined. He tried multiple
|time to get help from psychiatrists too. From wikipedia:
|>Whitman met with Maurice Dean Heatly, the staff psychiatrist
|at the University of Texas Health Center, on March 29, 1966.
|He referred to his visit with Heatly in his final suicide
|note, writing: "I talked with a Doctor once for about two
|hours and tried to convey to him my fears that I felt come
|[sic] overwhelming violent impulses. After one visit, I never
|saw the Doctor again, and since then have been fighting my
|mental turmoil alone, and seemingly to no avail." >Heatly's
|notes on the visit said, "This massive, muscular youth seemed
|to be oozing with hostility [...] that something seemed to be
|happening to him and that he didn't seem to be himself." "He
|readily admits having overwhelming periods of hostility with
|a very minimum of provocation. Repeated inquiries attempting
|to analyze his exact experiences were not too successful with
|the exception of his vivid reference to 'thinking about going
|up on the tower with a deer rifle and start shooting
|people.'"
|u/redshift739 - 12 hours
|
|I think mass shooting you don't get a pass, but it's a huge
|shame he couldn't've just got treatment
|u/modsruinthisapp - 12 hours
|
|Coyote solely for the use of that conjunction Up vote got
|autocorrected to coyote and I'm keeping it lol
|u/SleepyCorgiPuppy - 11 hours
|
|Now I’m imagining a coyote, sitting on a log with a phone
|in its paws, up and down voting stuff to pass the time XD
|u/oiraves - 10 hours
|
|Shhh don't out me bro
|u/lolofaf - 11 hours
|
|Wasn't this the dude who begged everyone around him for
|help and even told police what was going to happen and how
|he really didn't want it to happen etc, and everyone around
|him did literally nothing? Doesn't make it right, but the
|dude was also just failed by society (if my memory was
|correct)
|u/Guiac - 11 hours
|
|Diagnosing a tumor like his in the 1960’s was almost
|impossible.
|u/Jono-Tron - 3 hours
|
|There was also that guy who survived getting shot in the head
|with a nailgun (in a workplace accident I think) but was
|apparently an unbearable asshole afterwards
|u/overflowingsunset - 20 minutes
|
|All it takes is one moment for him to kill her, whether it was
|his disease or not. A woman should keep herself safe no matter
|what. It’s like saying some killers are going through
|psychosis, so it’s not really their fault. I get that legally,
|but doesn’t mean they get a pass and their partners should give
|them a chance. Fuck thattttttttttt.
|u/Zhiong_Xena - 12 hours
|
|Brain cancer is about one of the only things that excuses the
|behaviour. Get out still, because the victim is a danger to self
|and you, but the actions are definitely excused.
|u/tunachilimac - 12 hours
|
|Yes I tried to specify get yourself safe that's still your first
|priority even if you think it may be due to a medical issue and
|want to get help for them as well.
|u/Br12286 - 9 hours
|
|I had a coworker who had been dating a guy since they were in
|highschool, they were engaged and everything. Found out he had
|brain cancer, she stood by him through it all. After he went into
|remission he broke up and said that he realized life is short and
|he didn’t want to not experience life and regret the what ifs.
|They stayed in contact and would rekindle for a short while until
|he would back off again. It was the same cycle for a couple months
|and each time he’d end it she would be so hurt and distraught.
|Then his cancer came back and this time there was nothing the drs
|could do. They got married and not long after he passed. It
|happened so fast from his second diagnosis to when he passed from
|what I remember. She loved him so much and it made me feel torn
|because on one hand it’s like “fuck him” and on the other I totally
|understand and sympathize with the turmoil he must have felt
|inside. If I remember correctly he was only 23 when he passed.
|u/xanif - 13 hours
|
|I was in a thread months ago. It was about a husband freaking out
|because he found that his wife had a "go bag." The comments were
|heated and I was very much so: everyone should have a go bag. I
|pointed out that I can't promise I won't be violent against my wife
|in the future. Nobody can. One particular person took great umbrage
|and asserted that I must be a violent person. You can't promise
|you'll never get a TBI, a brain tumor, a psychotic break, or any
|other number of things that will cause a massive personality shift.
|u/Shurgosa - 13 hours
|
|Yeah I guess technically no matter how disgusting this must taste
|inside somebody's mouth, you are correct. You simply can't make
|that promise 100%
|u/Krkasdko - 12 hours
|
|Those people must've never had someone make it their mission to
|make them snap in childhood or youth, because I couldn't
|imagine categorically making such a promise after learning that
|I can, indeed, be enraged to the point of violence, either.
|u/abqkat - 8 hours
|
|Or just for like other, less nefarious things. Chance to go
|stay the night in a neighboring city, spontaneous trip to go
|look at stars, no power for a few days, friend suddenly needs
|emergency childcare, and yes, if my husband did something
|irredeemable or dangerous. I think it's just good sense
|u/DoomOne - 12 hours
|
|My family keeps multiple "go bags" at the house. Each one
|contains clothes, a first aid kit, basic hygiene supplies and dry
|snacks. Never know when one or all of us might have to leave
|unexpectedly. It's come in really handy for medical
|emergencies, TBH.
|u/gnostic_heaven - 8 hours
|
|I feel like a secret go-bag would strike me as strange too, that
|I would also be dismayed. Sure, you can't make any promises, but
|I think it's very very unlikely that i would change so suddenly
|and without any warning at all that my husband would need a bag
|to gtfo right tf now. Like, I'm suddenly going to shift so fast
|and without warning that he wouldn't have time to even put a few
|articles of clothing in an overnight bag and leave? Totally
|another situation if both people decide to have them, and I feel
|like it's another situation entirely to have one prepped for fire
|season or hurricane season or just for any random disaster. But a
|secret one to potentially escape *me*? It would change the way I
|saw him and the relationship.
|u/xanif - 6 hours
|
|That's fair. And my opinion that it's completely normal even
|without telling your partner was hotly debated so you're not
|alone in that sentiment.
|u/gnostic_heaven - 5 hours
|
|Yeah as I was writing it, I was thinking to myself "this
|person has probably already had this exact conversation in
|that other thread" lol, but I couldn't help myself since I'd
|never heard of this and would be a bit hurt, myself. Thank
|you for indulging me haha.
|u/Mouthy_Dumptruck - 12 hours
|
|I think partners acknowledging that they can't predict the
|future, but people will always need money, clothes, and a plan
|(gobag) is one of the ultimate signs of love and care. "I don't
|know what the future holds, but I know I want you to be prepared
|enough to navigate it successfully whether I'm there or not."
|Each partner should have a private savings account that gets
|equal contributions once or twice a month.
|u/SpicyYellowtailRoll3 - 10 hours
|
|My family has multiple. Comes in handy if we need to evacuate
|from a hurricane.
|u/wilderlowerwolves - 3 hours
|
|Do they live in an area that's at high risk of a natural or
|manmade disaster?
|u/TheElusiveRaspberry - 9 hours
|
|Or even the threat of. I was on a first date once when, in the middle
|of some lighthearted banter, he raised his hand and said ‘which side
|do you prefer?’ Nope. I walked out of there straight away. I got all
|the messages pleading ‘it was a joke’ but no, joking about hitting me
|on the first date is not even remotely funny. He then got verbally
|aggressive and started calling me names. When someone show you who
|they are, believe them.
|u/Resident-Secretary84 - 7 hours
|
|I dont know what could have possibly made him think you would find
|that amusing lmao, not laughing at you in any way but what the
|actual fuck LOL
|u/TheElusiveRaspberry - 5 hours
|
|Right?! I don’t know why he thought I’d find it funny either.
|Maybe testing the waters, looking for vulnerable prey. I know he
|wasn’t expecting me to walk, that’s for sure.
|u/SugarHooves - 13 hours
|
|Adding that if they abuse your pets, it's only a matter of time
|before they do it to you. Get the fuck out.
|u/Soviet_Bat_1991 - 12 hours
|
|This. My ex was abusive towards her parents outside cats,
|literally punting them across the yard because she thought it was
|funny. It didn't take long for her to turn that abuse towards me
|and make my life hell.
|u/debelasarma - 9 hours
|
|Animal cruelty is always a flashing bright red flag. With go go
|dancers. Go go, RUN.
|u/Delamoor - 14 hours
|
|I kept excusing verbal abuse in my marriage. It's quite insidious, it
|creeps up on you over many years. Bad moods and criticisms and
|controlling behaviours. Frog in a pot. And then, say, they get drunk
|and suddenly this other person comes out and you're left absolutely
|stunned. But you patch things over and keep going... And it happens
|again. And again. With increasing regularity.
|u/UltimateToa - 11 hours
|
|The fact that people let that fly more than once is insane to me
|u/Tiredohsoverytired - 9 hours
|
|Some folks can be insidious with the verbal abuse. Even when you
|KNOW it's not the case, using DARVO (deny, attack, reverse victim &
|offender) can make you feel like the bad guy. Make you question if
|maybe you were a bit too harsh and provoked them. Make you wonder
|if maybe you could both do better and try again... Except it's
|only you trying. They'll convince you they're trying, but they're
|such a VICTIM and YOU are so mean. It builds up slowly, gets in
|your head, until you can't see the situation clearly anymore. And
|then it's so hard to find a breaking point where you actually
|leave, because maybe it was you this time too... It really is
|crucial to leave the first time, and not look back.
|u/Immediate-Sugar-2316 - 4 hours
|
|I experienced this when working in a call centre, my colleague
|screamed at me after I followed her instructions exactly. She was
|later forced to apologise though she continued to blame me for
|'not following instructions' the rest of the office reaffirmed
|that I did exactly what she said. She continuously patronised
|me even after her forced 'apology', I tried buying luxury Belgian
|chocolates that I shared with her though this did not seem to
|work. I had a long list of customers who phoned up specifically
|to complain about her, I was one of many in the office so the
|amount who complained would have been pretty high. She constantly
|was rude to customers. I was reluctant to do anything about it as
|it would have caused her to lose her job. After a few weeks
|working there she kept asking me 'when are you leaving' she
|stopped turning up to work, refused to even show her face again.
|I think it was because the rest of the office turned against her
|for bullying people. She had been there for 4 years though and
|would not turn up to the office because of how much everyone
|disliked her. My point is that abusive people often don't get
|very far if they are constantly being watched, having other
|people's second opinions helps prevent abuse.
|u/mom_with_an_attitude - 6 hours
|
|Some women are economically dependent on their husbands–especially
|stay-at-home moms with young children. Some women move cross
|country to be with their partners, and then they may be isolated
|with no family and friends nearby to rely on. There are many
|reasons why a woman might not leave right away. She might think
|it was a one-off event. She might think she could "fix him." She
|may truly be in love with him and may have a hard time seeing
|things objectively. Hormones make us do funny things. She may have
|grown up in a violent household, so violence seems normal to her.
|u/nonameisdaft - 6 hours
|
|Yerp... happens once it'll happen again, and again, and again.
|u/SavingAlyce - 5 hours
|
|I agree with this, this grows overtime. Time won't change their
|behaviour, Believe me
|u/WhereIsMyCuppaTea - 9 hours
|
|Agreed, can relate from experience from an ex.
|u/Lotosam - 8 hours
|
|I will play devils advocate here using my own abuse that I caused. I
|learned that it I produce 2/3 the amount of dopamine as a normal
|person. Making me clinically depressed by default. I verbally abused
|my entire household. My wife absolutely did not put up with it.
|Counciling, both individual and couples helped, but only for short
|amounts of time. Long story short, I have been in therapy and have
|meds that work for me along with vitamin supplements. Is there
|damage? If course, but my point is this. If my wife hadn't been there
|for me all the while protecting herself and the rest of the family, I
|would honestly be dead. But she refused to give up on me.
|u/BlackIceCake - 15 hours
|
|Realizing they mock your deepest insecurities when they’re angry.
|u/tjalek - 15 hours
|
|Deceitful actions. If I can't trust then I can't be with them.
|u/NixiieNee - 6 hours
|
|Agreed. If you lie to me i'm done. Even about something stupid.
|u/Opposite-Promise-878 - 13 hours
|
|I once dated a girl who worked with kids and she told me she knew that
|a little girl was being abused at home but didn’t say anything because
|she was a brat. Admitted this in front of a group of people.
|u/NotReallyInterested4 - 11 hours
|
|I think I would’ve been arrested that day, yall have insanely good
|self control in that situation
|u/ShreakingDeath - 10 hours
|
|Right?! I'm catching at least an assault charge if someone said
|that to me.
|u/trainwreckmarriage - 5 hours
|
|What an awful person. She didn't think that abuse might cause
|behavioral problems?
|u/WhereIsMyCuppaTea - 9 hours
|
|She needs to report that regardless of her bias.
|u/Cr8o - 8 hours
|
|She's likely legally obligated to report it, if she lives in the
|USA, anyway.
|u/I_might_be_weasel - 15 hours
|
|Pooping in the cat's litter box and claiming the cat did it.
|u/rosie_pasta_69 - 15 hours
|
|That's oddly specific
|u/Nyther53 - 15 hours
|
|Its an old reddit story, I'm sure someone will dig it up.
|u/rosie_pasta_69 - 14 hours
|
|is it [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/tipofmytongue/comments/j8wa
|0o/tomtvideo_story_from_a_guy_talking_about_pooping/)?
|u/Rogue_Aviator - 14 hours
|
|That was a quick dig up, you’ve got a great shovel to dig
|things up, don’t you 😏😂😂
|u/blackcatsneakattack - 11 hours
|
|It was only buried under a fine layer of cat litter.
|u/armaghetto - 12 hours
|
|George Clooney, and the roommate was Richard Kind
|u/weareallmadherealice - 13 hours
|
|No when poop is buried it’s like Vegas. It stays buried….i wanted
|to know how big a pee ball I could make.
|u/doctorwhoobgyn - 7 hours
|
|Whoever cleans the litter box will dig it up.
|u/jokkelec - 10 hours
|
|Frank?
|u/little-ass-whipe - 8 hours
|
|This is especially cruel. They'll start off super proud, sending pics
|of it to all their friends. "Can *your* cat do this? Didn't think
|so." You either have to lie to them for the rest of their life, or
|come clean to save your own conscience, and know that they'll be
|absolutely humiliated and, if it *really* went too far, possibly even
|lose a Guinness World Record.
|u/I_might_be_weasel - 8 hours
|
|The first time my friend sends me pictures of their cats' shit they
|are no longer my friends.
|u/JonnyPancakes - 14 hours
|
|So it was the lying that sealed it, right? I can see how we could
|work through the first part depending on first offense ideas and the
|reasons that might have lead to it. Curiosity and intrusive thoughts
|cause some funny chaos
|u/lobotomy-cuntbag - 12 hours
|
|r/oddlyspecific
|u/Growing_Wings - 9 hours
|
|https://youtu.be/2foDE-cV3js?si=EH-ZVtMcwm471RCI
|u/I_might_be_weasel - 9 hours
|
|Yep. Textbook example.
|u/contraries - 12 hours
|
|Didn’t that happen in Deadpool?
|u/jobbybob - 11 hours
|
|I you are actually a weasel, why lie about pooping in the cat tray?
|u/Dresi91 - 1 hour
|
|r/oddlyspecific
|u/ianmoone1102 - 15 hours
|
|Turning on me in front of other people. Berating me me in front of
|friends or strangers. F that, and F anyone who does it.
|u/AAPL_ - 12 hours
|
|i initially read “turning me on in front of other people” and i’m
|like ok interesting
|u/Katnipz - 10 hours
|
|Oooohhh
|u/FinndBors - 10 hours
|
|Yeah that’s the sound she makes when I turn her on.
|u/EasyBounce - 5 hours
|
|I did too 😂
|u/burn_echo - 7 hours
|
|Lord, my ex used to do this to me. I had horrible, horrible social
|anxiety back then and she took advantage of that. She started a lot
|of arguments in general, but she would go 10 times harder on me in
|public/social settings because she knew I would just shut down and
|look like a chump. You’re right, fuck her.
|u/D0ctorGamer - 13 hours
|
|This also goes for anyone who ***records*** any fights or
|disagreements, either to bring up later or to share
|u/Krkasdko - 12 hours
|
|Share - agree 100% Recording in general? Eh. It can help. Some
|people don't even notice how irrationally they argue in the moment,
|and showing them can really help.
|u/Sydet - 12 hours
|
|I guess with consent anything goes. A recording without consent
|though...
|u/KillerLeader - 11 hours
|
|If it’s your significant other/good friend, you indirectly
|agreed to the filming because you filtered them enough to trust
|most things that they do/are about to do.They may have good
|reasons for doing that: to help you realize some mistakes for
|example.
|u/Sydet - 10 hours
|
|Definitely not. If it is to help me they can always ask for
|consent before.
|u/iLqcs - 9 hours
|
|I've thought a lot about this. What's your take on it if one of
|the parties in the fight is being abusive and repeatedly (and
|doesn't see it that way)? Is it ok to record them to show it to
|them?
|u/Krkasdko - 8 hours
|
|If you have to ask, probably not? As has been mentioned,
|consent is important - for a variety of reasons (legal, trust,
|helpfulness vs making it worse...) If you haven't discussed
|the topic and can't take consent as implied, you probably
|shouldn't do it without asking first. Depending on the kind of
|abusive person, it may also just be...a very bad idea.
|u/gnostic_heaven - 7 hours
|
|Early in our marriage, I'd tell a few friends and family what my
|husband would say to me during fights. He found out and wasn't
|happy about it. I was like, "Don't say anything to me in a fight
|then, that you wouldn't want anyone else to hear. Keep it all above
|the belt." I think we were both immature, but we ended up working
|everything out. This was before we all had smart phones - I don't
|think I'd literally record, but this was in the same spirit,
|honestly.
|u/Thatskindasexy - 3 hours
|
|My ex would do that and I didn't do anything about it because I was
|so lost as to why someone would do that lol
|u/StressedtoImpressDJL - 15 hours
|
|Ignoring sexual boundaries
|u/Sisyphos_Status - 12 hours
|
|This!! So much!! For real!!
|u/Dervrak - 13 hours
|
|It's what I call the verbal nuclear bomb. It's something you know about
|your significant other or they told you in strict confidence, something
|very sensitive and personal to them. Then you get in an argument, and
|it gets more heated, and you KNOW if you drop the verbal nuclear bomb
|on them, you will "win" the argument instantly but also end the
|relationship. You tell yourself you will NEVER use it, then as the
|argument gets more heated you feel the nuke launch codes being prepped,
|you try to hold back but the missile is leaving the silo. Then BLAM!!
|the nuke strikes, they burst into tears and run out of the room, you
|won, but at what price?
|u/Brullaapje - 11 hours
|
|This is what I call winning the argument but losing the person.
|u/warbeagles - 7 hours
|
|Best marriage advise I’ve ever received: words are like toothpaste,
|once it’s out it isn’t going back in
|u/jdml5 - 7 hours
|
|Winning the battle but losing the war
|u/Is-Bruce-Home - 11 hours
|
|😬😬😬
|u/kingtechllc - 9 hours
|
|Example?
|u/rico_muerte - 7 hours
|
|"Because I have to keep repeating myself AND YOU NEVER LISTEN.
|That's why your dad beat you when you were a kid, you don't fucking
|listen!"
|u/kingtechllc - 7 hours
|
|That's good and damn brutal
|u/Dervrak - 7 hours
|
|Maybe she was drinking one night and confessed that she had once
|had sex with her step-brother when she was a teenager, maybe didn't
|even remember she told you the next day. So in the middle of the
|argument you release the nuke, "Oh Yeah Carol! Well maybe I WAS
|checking out your friend, BUT AT LEAST I DON'T FUCK MY OWN FAMILY
|MEMBERS! Yeah, I KNOW about you and your step-brother Mark! So
|those in glass houses have no room to throw stones, do they Carol?!
|Do they!" (This example was complete fiction; I certainly never
|had a girlfriend named Carol who fucked her step brother. Pinky
|Promise!)
|u/kingtechllc - 7 hours
|
|Carol owes you an apology
|u/lupin_bebop - 14 hours
|
|Emotional, mental, or physical abuse. Definitely once those come in,
|it’s a dealbreaker.
|u/WhereIsMyCuppaTea - 9 hours
|
|I call the early signs "papercuts".
|u/MissLyris - 11 hours
|
|For me, it's when someone constantly undermines my feelings or
|belittles me. Once that trust is broken, it’s hard to rebuild. I
|believe in respecting each other’s emotions and boundaries; if that's
|not there, I’m out.
|u/D-Rez - 16 hours
|
|murder
|u/Never_Gonna_Let - 15 hours
|
|A gal can't have hobbies?
|u/HK47WasRightMeatbag - 10 hours
|
|Yes, but why can't we do them together?
|u/skelebone - 10 hours
|
|I'm a girly girl with a girly secret If I tell it to you,
|promise that you'll keep it? I'll tell you now, my little secret
|is, is, is, is I accidentally killed a man I had to hide the
|body in my pink glitter van To be honest, it felt kinda good I
|want to kill again, but I don't know if I should
|u/0x633546a298e734700b - 9 hours
|
|That's it lads, I'm picking the bear
|u/Never_Gonna_Let - 9 hours
|
|I'm a guy, I just like women with interesting and comparable
|hobbies.
|u/OgOnetee - 13 hours
|
|https://youtu.be/yOWAl9os-9Y?feature=shared
|u/BlackBeard558 - 15 hours
|
|So that's why they're asking about body count.
|u/karma_the_sequel - 14 hours
|
|IYKYK
|u/menomaminx - 11 hours
|
|of course, what else would it be?
|u/blackcatsneakattack - 11 hours
|
|Depending on who my guy killed and why, it might not be a deal
|breaker.
|u/newbies13 - 8 hours
|
|ehhh it would depend... hahah
|u/scotianheimer - 13 hours
|
|Loving the swings from “significant physical and emotional abuse” to
|“likes the wrong sandwich filling” in this thread.
|u/Ok_Difference44 - 14 hours
|
|Telling people you don't "break up and make up" starts as 100%
|agreement and ends up as Shocked Pikachu. If you negotiate using the
|relationship itself as a threat then you must be prepared to lose the
|relationship.
|u/Nay2003 - 13 hours
|
|this the one for me. we can be together once.
|u/gnostic_heaven - 7 hours
|
|Omg seriously. My husband decided to "break up" with me during a
|fight early in our marriage. I said to myself, "Okay. I guess I'm
|going to get a divorce now." And left to run errands. The whole time
|thinking about how I was going to probably have to move back home
|with my parents, and who I was going to get to watch my kid when I
|went back to work, etc. He called while I was out, dismayed that I'd
|left, and even more dismayed that I'd taken him seriously. I forgave
|him that time, and told him not to do it again. I didn't forgive him
|the next time he did it, some years later. It was so cruel. "This is
|how I always knew it would end," he said. I was *done.* We worked it
|out again, but it took me about six months to mentally come back to
|the relationship. It's been about seven years since then and divorce
|has not passed across his lips since. I ended up being pretty
|forgiving, but yeah, don't risk it. Be prepared to lose the
|relationship.
|u/BuzzedBlood - 3 hours
|
|On a website that often has people telling to break-up at the drop
|of a hat, it’s nice to hear a story of forgiveness that worked out.
|I’m sorry that happened, especially twice, and I’m glad it sounds
|like he’s a different person
|u/figgednewtonian - 12 hours
|
|Mental health is an exception here. It takes a shit ton of courage to
|ask your partner to seek help.
|u/m10476412 - 15 hours
|
|Making fun of you behind your back to her friends.
|u/kryppla - 10 hours
|
|Favorite thing about my wife is she talks me up to anyone, never
|tears me down. That’s real love and support.
|u/GhostWCoffee - 12 hours
|
|On the same note, talking about your sex life to them, or other
|intimate details.
|u/GeorgeStinksLol - 12 hours
|
|Id be fine with that to a limit, and if they asked me first
|u/tjalek - 15 hours
|
|100%
|u/ayatollahofdietcola_ - 12 hours
|
|If they put you in situations that you're not comfortable with, even
|after you have expressed you are not comfortable with it. Even worse
|if they did not attempt to compromise with you in any way. For
|example, I had a partner who completely disregarded my wishes when I
|asked him not to have random guests in the apartment during COVID. The
|very last time I told him this, I woke up at 1am *that night*, with
|strangers in the apartment. there was no going back after that.
|u/ShermansMasterWolf - 3 hours
|
|Its a complete disregard of you as a person.
|u/Juddy- - 13 hours
|
|Reaching out to your partner's estranged parents that your partner cut
|off. Just no
|u/KaTheEdgy - 46 minutes
|
|I've read about cases like these. It's usually people that had good
|relationships with their families and can't fully grasp how toxic
|some families can be and why the children chose to cut them off. In
|this case, ignorance isn't bliss.
|u/Sharp-Program-9477 - 15 hours
|
|Child neglect
|u/Kittytigris - 13 hours
|
|Constant avoidance of responsibility was mine. That and being
|ridiculously passive aggressive about everything. Now that I’m a lot
|older I tend to notice that both of those are usually precursors to a
|lot more serious issues in someone. I’m not talking about someone
|doing something out of reflex but the kind of person who keeps saying
|they’re going to do something, then refuses to do it. When you brought
|up that *they* said they were going to do it, and they lashed out at
|you angrily for holding them to their word. There’s something really
|wrong with someone who refuses to take accountability of their own
|decisions and promises that they broke.
|u/Lilyannis143 - 9 hours
|
|One of the many, many reasons I'm divorcing my husband now...
|u/Historical-Carry-237 - 5 hours
|
|Oh man this hits home for me my partner does this all the time
|u/NotAnotherEmpire - 16 hours
|
|Theft or other dishonesty about money.
|u/ScrumptiousGoblinAss - 12 hours
|
|Mistreating my pets
|u/Longjumping_Ad8418 - 6 hours
|
|This 100%!! I didn't realize how jealous she was of my dog. It took
|nearly 3years .. 2 years with her living with us, poisoning my baby,
|and a little over a year after she left before I figured it
|out..kinda weird how my dog stopped getting sick every other week
|when she was out of our lives.
|u/damnedrascal - 15 hours
|
|Watching a new episode of our show without me, that’s a death sentence.
|u/njdevil956 - 14 hours
|
|Ultimate cheating. Don’t deny it I can see the Fckn red line!
|u/TheMightyDontKneel61 - 11 hours
|
|Fucking ey. I was watching sons of anarchy with an ex and couldn't
|put my finger on why I was always so fucking confused. She'd watch
|ahead and then just guess where we were previously up to and
|sometimes play it from there for me or sometimes just play it from
|where she was up too. Was fucking infuriating
|u/njdevil956 - 7 hours
|
|That’s why she’s your ex. Cheating bitch. Would have changed the
|password
|u/AdaptiveVariance - 14 hours
|
|Lol my ex wife did this to me without warning, a show we had started
|watching together because our therapist suggested it!!! And she just
|acted like it was no big deal and she had no idea why I'd be even a
|little hurt/upset. This was like a year before she told me she had
|arranged for her mom to move in and they wanted me to gtfo.
|u/lilacgeek - 13 hours
|
|I'm polyamorous and this is one of those things you can't recover
|from. Have fun with your folks, but no one is watching any further
|episodes on shows we started together.
|u/TerminalVector - 12 hours
|
|Yup. Attending a sex party? Have a great time. Caught up on a
|show on our list without me? Fury of 1000 suns.
|u/WeirdJawn - 11 hours
|
|Or at least have the dignity to pretend that you didn't and watch it
|again!
|u/TimedDelivery - 15 hours
|
|Stealing. I know way too many folks who found out that their spouse had
|emptied their joint accounts and/or taken out credit cards in their
|name, usually for gambling, drugs or camgirls. There was no coming back
|from it in any of the cases.
|u/killaho69 - 14 hours
|
|If I had to guess, sneaky recording in the bedroom.
|u/ShermansMasterWolf - 3 hours
|
|How do you get the good camera angles if you sneak it?
|u/Not-User-Serviceable - 15 hours
|
|If you say you don't want fries, and then eat my fries.... I don't know
|how that's recoverable.
|u/beeny13 - 14 hours
|
|*our fries
|u/CuriousTsukihime - 10 hours
|
|Comrade fries
|u/ImperialKnight1234 - 8 hours
|
|Notice of fries acquisition and redistribution
|u/TwoIdleHands - 13 hours
|
|I will always say “I don’t want a whole thing but can I have a couple
|of your fries?”. If you say no it’s up to me to buy myself some or
|not eat yours. If you say yes I will eat no more than 3. If you don’t
|offer more. I’m not eating more. Respect is important people! But in
|all honesty, I’m getting fries, why wouldn’t I?
|u/WeirdJawn - 11 hours
|
|You must be married by now! If not, someone propose to
|u/twoldlehands.
|u/TwoIdleHands - 9 hours
|
|Married and divorced. Folks aren’t always compatible as time goes
|on. But damn if we’re not great coparents and still supportive of
|each other as people!
|u/swarmofpenguins - 2 hours
|
|You took a fourth fry didn't you
|u/TwoIdleHands - 1 hour
|
|😂 nope. A woman has to have principles and a sense of wrong
|and right. I would never!
|u/OGREtheTroll - 11 hours
|
|JOEY DOESN'T SHARE FOOD!!
|u/alderheart90 - 2 hours
|
|r/expectedfriends
|u/AdaptiveVariance - 14 hours
|
|I have a 3 year old daughter so I would be totally ok with this LOL.
|u/reflect-the-sun - 13 hours
|
|As a man, you should always buy extra fries. How is it 2024 and guys
|still can't figure this out?! Edit; Stop your whinging and just buy
|the damn fries. FFS. I pity the women in your lives.
|u/Holdredge - 10 hours
|
|If a woman isn't grown enough to say what she wants. She isn't
|grown enough for a relationship. I will give the shirt off my back
|and starve to death for someone I love but someone acting like a
|child isn't something I find attractive.
|u/Not-User-Serviceable - 11 hours
|
|As a man, you can lick my salty, sweaty balls... ... just don't
|touch my fries.
|u/halborn - 13 hours
|
|So we have to shell out for extra fries on the assumption she's
|lying about wanting fries? Great way to start a relationship.
|u/Krkasdko - 12 hours
|
|Who said anything about start? That's maintenance, and after a
|couple of years, you should just know better.
|u/halborn - 12 hours
|
|Putting it in the middle of a relationship doesn't make it any
|less toxic. It's completely reasonable to expect people not to
|lie about wanting fries.
|u/Krkasdko - 11 hours
|
|It's also completely reasonable to buy some extra fries if
|you know they'll want to eat, just not order, some. My wife
|is like that, I know, so I can plan for it. Kind of like
|her extending our congratulations to people she knows I'd
|forget. Doing things the other doesn't ask for, but would
|appreciate, is kind of relationship 101.
|u/Future-Spread8910 - 8 hours
|
|So you feel it's reasonable for your partner to just lie,
|and know she's lying, and just accept it. She could also
|just be a normal person and say, Yeah I'll take some fries.
|Doing things you haven't been asked is, doing the laundry,
|helping out with unexpected things. Yeah it's fries,
|nothing life altering, but if she will lie about something
|so innocuous, what about more important things?
|u/Krkasdko - 7 hours
|
|The mistake you make is thinking that this, in any way,
|transfers to important things. If you asked my right now
|if I wanted fries, I'd tell you no. If you then showed
|up with delicious fries, my mind would change. Is that
|so hard to grasp? If she asks me if I want to go into
|the Whisky bar we just passed, I will say no. (it's
|expensive, there's people there, we have Whisky at home)
|Smart as she is, that's not what she does - she says
|"let's check out the Whisky bar!" She barely drinks,
|and doesn't like Whisky. We both know it. But this way,
|I'll be excited to go in and it's going to be a nice
|evening. I know she's almost certainly gonna take some
|of those fries. Smart as I am, I'll have enough to spare
|without getting annoyed by someone stealing my fries.
|It's a pretty basic social skill that works with your
|buddies, too. Sometimes it's called being nice. If
|that evokes some deep trust issues in you, I'm sorry.
|u/Future-Spread8910 - 7 hours
|
|Your long winded attempt to rationalize it screams
|insecurity.
|u/Krkasdko - 7 hours
|
|Alright then, have a good day.
|u/halborn - 8 hours
|
|Anticipating needs and accounting for shortfalls are good
|things to do but that's not what we're talking about.
|We're talking about *expecting your partner to lie* and
|*acting as though she doesn't mean what she says* and those
|are not good things at all.
|u/Krkasdko - 8 hours
|
|Maybe we just have very different ideas about what a
|"lie" is and how serious fries are. I absolutely see
|your point for topics of consequence, but this isn't one
|of those topics, imho. Like, I'm autistic, but not that
|autistic.
|u/halborn - 7 hours
|
|If it's inconsequential then why even lie? It serves
|no one.
|u/Krkasdko - 7 hours
|
|Is it a lie to be in the mood for fries after fries
|materialize, but not before? Really?
|u/Ian1732 - 10 hours
|
|Also a strong boundary in parental relationships.
|u/Funandgeeky - 13 hours
|
|This is why I just started ordering a large fries.
|u/Funkyouup82 - 13 hours
|
|Lying about something for years and even after the truth comes out
|still lying. Trust us impossible after that
|u/MsSideEyes - 3 hours
|
|Totally agree. But what if their reasoning is "I hid the truth from
|you cause I know it will hurt you?" Would you consider that or still
|a no go?
|u/ShermansMasterWolf - 3 hours
|
|If my wife said that, I'd ask her if she wants a child or a man.
|u/chpbnvic - 12 hours
|
|My boyfriend gave me a tiny little flower the first month we started
|dating. Now it's in a fairly big pot and will soon need to be repotted
|to an even bigger one. But if that plant dies, we have to break up.
|u/irishlonewolf - 11 hours
|
|offtopic but if you 2 ever have kids in the future... you should see
|if you can take a small part of that plant and grow it in a new pot..
|u/chpbnvic - 11 hours
|
|That would be so cute!
|u/newbies13 - 8 hours
|
|I would be so tempted to swap it with a similar but dying plant and
|act panicked and see how they react
|u/MassiveBulge2000 - 15 hours
|
|If your wife or girlfriend is really mad at you and then says you have
|a small penis and you can't satisfy her. I don't see a relationship
|recovering from that. Every bedroom session the man will feel
|inadequate.
|u/007baldy - 13 hours
|
|Username does not check out.
|u/TheHunt3r_Orion - 12 hours
|
|I mean....it kinda does if that's how he feels he needs to over
|compensate...
|u/g_r_a_e - 10 hours
|
|I had someone tell me in anger that they can't wait to have sex with
|someone else so they can finally enjoy it. Six months later they are
|complaining that I am not intiating sex as often as they liked...
|u/TheDemonMaker - 9 hours
|
|You stuck around six months after that?
|u/g_r_a_e - 3 hours
|
|I had a lot to learn
|u/ShermansMasterWolf - 3 hours
|
|Ah consequences for actions.
|u/slava_ukraini - 14 hours
|
|Scott F Fitzgerald? Go take a walk in the louvre and look at the
|statues to feel good about yourself.
|u/Dervrak - 12 hours
|
|The proper response if you girlfriend says that is, "I don't know,
|your sister seems to think it's big enough and it satisfies her just
|fine!"
|u/CertificateValid - 14 hours
|
|Casual theft. It’s hard to look at someone the same once you know that
|they’ll steal from you if it’s convenient.
|u/ayatollahofdietcola_ - 12 hours
|
|I was once dating someone who seemed like he was really great. He
|came over, he made dinner, we watched movies, it was really nice.
|At the end of the evening, he goes "wait, I think I forgot my
|wallet," goes back to my bedroom for a second and I thought nothing
|of it. But I don't remember him taking his wallet out. Turns out,
|he was stealing my underwear. I got proof of it later on, too.
|u/frugalfarrot - 7 hours
|
|You’ve had an ex do this? That’s harsh
|u/VelEmeris - 11 hours
|
|For me, it's when they break trust by sharing my deepest insecurities
|or secrets during a fight. That kind of betrayal hits hard and there's
|no going back. Trust is everything in a relationship and once it's
|gone, it's game over for me.
|u/SolidLikeIraq - 14 hours
|
|Apparently you should not slice TINY slivers of cake off of your
|spouses dessert that she has in the fridge from last nights dinner.
|I’ve heard.
|u/Previous_Willow4577 - 10 hours
|
|Getting mad if I don’t want to have intimacy. If I’m just a hole to you
|then you can leave, buster
|u/Vegan_Digital_Artist - 13 hours
|
|For me there are a few things: 1. Lying 1. Yeah, even the smaller
|lies. To me, lying to me about smaller and really insignificant things
|tells me that you don't trust me, and I can't and won't be with someone
|who doesn't trust me. 2. Being verbally or physically abusive 1.
|This should be a no-brainer. But I won't tolerate it 3. Making fun of
|my hobbies and interests 1. I've had an ex that didn't let me engage
|in my hobbies and interests and every time I tried to, she'd gaslight
|me into spending time with her instead (mind you we lived together and
|spent plenty of time together). I've gotten to a point where if you
|expect every second of my free time to be with you and you have a
|problem with my hobbies, then it isn't going to work 4. Not respecting
|my boundaries 1. Another no brainer. But while I am pretty chill
|about things I do have boundaries that I set at the very beginning of
|the relationship. If you agree with the boundaries and then break them
|anyway and try to argue an exception? No, you broke my boundary. It
|isn't working
|u/newbies13 - 8 hours
|
|Everyone lies, all the time, you're lying just by trying to say you
|don't. It's part of being human, like literally they've done
|studies... I 100% understand the sentiment, but that bun needs a
|little more time in the oven.
|u/Vegan_Digital_Artist - 7 hours
|
|Oh i don't deny that. But i also firmly believe if you lie to me
|about small shit then can i actually trust you to be honest about
|the big shit? That's probably one of the few i would be willing to
|overlook at least once depending on what the lue is. but the trust
|would certainly be weakened a bit.
|u/newbies13 - 7 hours
|
|So that's actually the interesting thing, the more someone cares
|about you, the more likely they are to lie about huge things. The
|little lies are easy to hand wave away because the stakes are so
|low. The big stuff that could actually result in the loss of a
|relationship is the stuff people lie about way more. The joys of
|being human.
|u/Vegan_Digital_Artist - 7 hours
|
|also why i don't want any kind of relationship anymore 😎
|u/newbies13 - 6 hours
|
|That's real, dating is not in a good place these days and
|being happy alone is one of the healthiest things a person
|can do for themself.
|u/snipethencelly - 10 hours
|
|I was seeing someone earlier this year and I confided in her something
|I'd never told anyone. Partially because it was good to finally open up
|to someone and as a way of letting her in so she would better
|understand me. A week later she just casually mentioned in conversation
|how she was telling her friend at work about it. Ended it shortly
|after that.
|u/JeffTheJockey - 13 hours
|
|Ultimatums. Relationships are not a bargaining chip to get what you
|want.
|u/tinyhorsesinmytea - 12 hours
|
|I can understand the big ones like “you’re a monster when you drink
|and I can’t be with you if you continue to do that” but agree on any
|petty ultimatum.
|u/JeffTheJockey - 11 hours
|
|Yeah I mean if it’s consistent and it’s abuse do what you gotta do,
|but if its like my ex for example who said “get me a cat or we’re
|done” or “take me to NYC or we’re done” that’s just manipulative.
|u/green_meklar - 12 hours
|
|Messing with my stuff. I can't think of any kind of disagreement for
|which destroying or throwing out my personal possessions is an
|acceptable response. You do that, you are *gone.*
|u/Deep_Marsupial_1277 - 13 hours
|
|Manipulation.
|u/beachlover77 - 13 hours
|
|Spending all the money on something wasteful, destroying your partner's
|possessions, getting rid of a pet without telling them, physical
|violence, verbal abuse, criminal activity are a few things that I would
|not give someone a 2nd chance from.
|u/Badlifedecision2402 - 9 hours
|
|Ignoring your sexual boundaries or trying to wear them down.
|u/0ffline- - 13 hours
|
|Loading the dishwasher incorrectly
|u/hello14235948475 - 15 hours
|
|You push sex too much when you know that crosses many boundaries.
|u/coffeealways33 - 12 hours
|
|Taking my clothes off the line to hang hers out when they're not fully
|dry......oh the rage.
|u/MightyProJet - 8 hours
|
|What's it like living in the 19th century?
|u/coffeealways33 - 5 hours
|
|It's quite racist though it's coming too an end, There's also a
|very large uptick in industrialisation as work transitions across
|from agriculture to industry and factory work. Women are terrible
|at drying clothes.
|u/Straight_Ace - 13 hours
|
|Lying about something major
|u/Magenta-Magica - 13 hours
|
|When they hate you during a fight And basically remember all the bad
|things and when u have a discussion it’s Armageddon. :/ rather not go
|there again.
|u/Bonus_Practical - 4 hours
|
|if he doesn’t stick up for me if I’m getting disrespected and or
|treated poorly especially if his family are the ones Treating me
|badly.
|u/FaultElectrical4075 - 15 hours
|
|Breaking up for the last time One or both of them dying
|u/Beneficial-Produce56 - 8 hours
|
|Someone who breaks up with you and wants to get back together. Unless
|they were mistakenly trying to spare you from the Mafioso they’d pissed
|off, they have made it clear that their commitment is non-existent.
|u/theycallmeebz - 16 hours
|
|Disrespect
|u/TwoIdleHands - 13 hours
|
|I want to include disrespect of them as their own autonomous person.
|Because that’s less overt but equally a no-go. If you can’t respect
|them being who they are and being separate from you, you’re an ass.
|u/theycallmeebz - 13 hours
|
|Yeah, like getting involved with someone and then trying to change
|them?
|u/Richard_Howe - 12 hours
|
|Stealing, like if I can’t take you places because I know you’ll steal
|something, it’s not going to work. & Violence, I can restrain
|myself from harming others, there is no excuse for my partner to be
|incapable. Being physically weaker doesn’t grant me the privilege to
|kick Hafthor Bjornson in the balls so it absolutely wouldn’t fly if
|someone weaker than me tried it on.
|u/vshawk2 - 12 hours
|
|When they hold you up to public scorn and ridicule.
|u/goddess_of_fear - 11 hours
|
|Verbal abuse. Once you go off on me, I am gone.
|u/direwolfx631 - 10 hours
|
|Taking pictures or videos of you while you're scantily clad or engaging
|in intimacy without your consent.
|u/valerioshi - 9 hours
|
|unsolicited fisting.
|u/Thin_Recognition_782 - 12 hours
|
|Voting for trump
|u/halborn - 13 hours
|
|Eating my chips.
|u/Wonderful_Horror7315 - 13 hours
|
|Violence, including verbal.
|u/menomaminx - 11 hours
|
|animal abuse / disappearing animals if they don't respect your pets,or
|even if they don't respect their own pets--run! this applies to
|friendships too. my friend, that's no longer my friend, bought a very
|expensive dog from a strip mall --and he was very sick. because she
|had already spent over $1,000 on the dog, she refused to spend any
|more. I ended up "loaning" her several hundred dollars I didn't have,
|because I couldn't stand the idea of a puppy suffering. that dog had
|everything wrong with it! worms! kennel cough! bacterial infection! and
|also something highly contagious I don't remember the name of it
|anymore , but I remember she would let her dog socialize with other
|dogs on a leash outside after learning this dog was sick. this was an
|indication there was something wrong with her personality --she was
|sick. I won't tell you what she did after this, but I will tell you to
|the humans in her life the dog's treatment was a warning--and we don't
|talk anymore.
|u/amaricana - 7 hours
|
|Malice. I don't care how emotional you are, wishing harm on me or any
|of my loved ones will never fly. Had an ex try to get back together
|with me who had unfortunately shown her true colors during the breakup.
|Some things can't be taken back once said. I unfortunately saw this
|from both my parents towards each other growing up and vowed to never
|ever do it.
|u/jimes00 - 7 hours
|
|If they're a recovering addict, relapsing and putting the family at
|risk
|u/pet-fleeve - 7 hours
|
|Attempting to weaken your relationship with friends/family in any way.
|u/AlphaTangoFoxtrt - 6 hours
|
|Physical Confrontation. To me, that's a line I won't come back from.
|As a guy, I can never raise my hand against a woman. Nor should I. I am
|not trying to excuse domestic abuse. But in a DV situation, no matter
|*WHO* started it, the system is rigged against the male. I'm sorry, but
|it is. In a DV situation, guess who gets to stay at home, and who goes
|to jail? In 95% of times, it's the guy who gets to go for a ride, and
|sleep on a cot. As a guy even if I act in self defense, if I raise my
|hand against a woman, I'm going to jail. So that's my hard line. If a
|woman ever strikes me, we are done. There's no coming back from that,
|because one day it may get worse, and I *CAN NOT* defend myself. I mean
|I could, but if I dare to, I'm going to jail, and spending thousands in
|legal fees in an uphill battle, and it's not worth it. Male victims of
|domestic abuse are frequently not believed, or looked down on. "Oh,
|you're 6'2" 210 and she's 5'5" 105. What can she *really* do to you?"
|A lot. "Oh like you couldn't stop her..." Maybe he could, maybe
|doesn't want to hurt her, maybe he doesn't want to make his situation
|worse, maybe he thinks it's easier to just 'take it" than risk calling
|the cops and going to jail for reporting his own abuse...
|u/forageforcoffee - 6 hours
|
|Silent treatment & choosing to hurt you after you’ve told them they’re
|hurting you
|u/stacey-e-clark - 5 hours
|
|Abuse me or my kids
|u/Aggravating-Pound520 - 3 hours
|
|physical abuse. it's a BIG NO for me.
|u/ontheroadtv - 12 hours
|
|Isn’t monogamy in a monogamous relationship the bare minimum? That’s
|not a boundary that’s the stated definition of the relationship. Lots
|of throwing around the word boundary in a way it’s not really intended.
|If someone cheats *and you leave* the leaving is the boundary.
|Boundaries are not the other persons behavior, it’s your response to
|it. That’s why if your “boundaries” are crossed multiple times by the
|same person it’s not a boundary. It’s you asking someone to behave in a
|particular way and they are telling you the can’t/won’t. I’m not trying
|to say the post wrong, just the use of the word boundaries is
|misplaced. Ex: Don’t cheat on me. - not a boundary If I
|know you cheated I will leave - boundary (also one that should be
|unspoken) I guess my point is these aren’t boundaries they are signs
|of abuse or danger in a relationship and boundaries makes it sound like
|it’s something people have to establish with the other person when it
|should be expected. I’m not saying this well, but don’t confuse a
|boundary with abuse. They aren’t interchangeable.
|u/freshartrice - 10 hours
|
|what would a boundary to being disrespected be for example? or could
|you do some examples?
|u/ontheroadtv - 9 hours
|
|Disrespect is a very broad term so I can’t speak to what you would
|consider disrespect. But a personal example for me is people who
|drive in a way that makes me uncomfortable. It’s not one exact
|thing but you know it when you feel it. So my personal boundary is
|once I feel uncomfortable in someone’s car, I don’t ride with them
|again. If it’s friends or family I don’t tell them I just don’t get
|in the car if they are driving. I volunteer to be designated
|driver, I leave or arrive at a different time, drive myself or take
|a ride share. You can’t cross my boundary if I don’t get in a car
|with you. It’s my responsibility to not knowingly put myself in
|situations that make me uncomfortable. Not the other persons
|responsibility to change the way they drive to make me comfortable,
|that puts my needs in their control. If you’re talking about an
|intimate partner, it’s different. When there is something they do
|specifically I bring it up, I dated a guy who would run the stop
|sign by my house, not fast not recklessly, but it was a crosswalk
|for an elementary school, and for that particular stop sign it was
|important to me that he stop every time. I told him it’s a bad
|habit not to stop there, the risk to children is very high, if I’m
|in the car and you run it again, I won’t ride in your car any more.
|(I was also borderline uncomfortable with the way he drove in
|general) I didn’t tell him not to run it. I said it’s important to
|me that you stop every time and if you can’t, I won’t ride with
|you. That very night he was dropping me off after dinner and ran
|it. (It was clear he looked at me when he did it, it wasn’t that he
|forgot) I refused to get in his car again. I was clear about how I
|felt, I didn’t tell him what he could or couldn’t do, I just told
|him what my response would be if he did it again with me in the
|car. Not even did it again, but specifically with me in the car. He
|seemed really surprised when I wouldn’t get in his har again. We
|only went out a couple more times after that. A different
|example, when I moved in with my current roomate I was very clear,
|I don’t think it’s funny to scare people, I don’t enjoy being
|scared and if you scare me on purpose my response most likely
|appear to be an over reaction by how mad I get. He said cool, and
|in 8 years never scared me on purpose and it’s never been an issue.
|Boundaries are you response to someone else’s behavior. They can
|change, sometimes you don’t know what your boundaries are till
|something happens and you think yea, not letting that happen to me
|again. I hear horror stories of people saying this person keeps
|crossing my boundary. The hard reality is you can not control
|someone else’s behavior. No amount of boundaries are going to make
|them respect you if they don’t respect you. If you are constantly
|having to establish more and more boundaries that’s not going to
|change their behavior it’s just going to frustrate you. Part of
|the boundary is not putting yourself in a position to have it
|violated. I guess that’s why I don’t like way the OP phrased the
|question. It’s not on you to tell someone not to cheat on you in a
|committed relationship. That’s expected, boundaries are the nuance
|you consider cheating and it should be on the same page with the
|other person because some people consider cheating just talking to
|someone else. If someone cheats (sleeps with someone else, not a
|grey area cheating) or hits you that’s not breaking a boundary
|that’s abuse. Being abused is not the fault of the victim(recipient
|of the abuse?), having someone cross the same boundary over and
|over, it’s time to stop putting yourself in that situation. Again,
|being the recipient of abuse is never your fault. I’m still not
|explaining it well and it is kind of semantics but I guess it comes
|down to it’s not your responsibility to tell someone not to abuse
|you, it’s their responsibility to not abuse you. It’s your
|responsibility to (when you can) not put yourself in a situation
|that you know will make you uncomfortable, or communicate the
|things that bother you in a way to resolve them so you both
|understand what’s going on. Fuck relationships are hard.
|u/SCP_radiantpoison - 12 hours
|
|Luckily it's never happened to me, but: Physical or verbal violence:
|no-brainer. Any kind of emotional manipulation: I still have some
|issues setting boundaries, so if you use that against me I'll go no
|contact for my own sake. Snooping through my devices: if you don't
|trust me you shouldn't be here anyway, so in a way you won. Good luck
|convincing me not to press charges though. It may sound extreme, but I
|subject myself to the exact same rules. I'm not a crook, I just fall in
|love too hard.
|u/Skytrout - 12 hours
|
|Her making amphetamine on our kitchen table with her ex boyfriend and
|smiling devilishly like a child who has eaten the whole jar of cookies
|while her parents are a way. Also not using a protective tablecloth
|while handling chemicals.
|u/TheMaddieBlue - 10 hours
|
|Physical violence. I should have left the first time he pushed me down.
|u/ryneku - 8 hours
|
|Wow. This entire thread is basically "my last relationship, the reddit
|post". I still have to interact with her because she is pregnant and I
|need to see her tomorrow...not sure how to even interact with her
|though. I don't want to be anywhere near her! It is so hard to hold
|my tongue or keep the disgust off my face when talking to her.
|u/Ok-Policy-8284 - 5 hours
|
|Lying.
|u/Eowyn800 - 16 hours
|
|I wouldn't say there's no second chance for cheating as I don't care
|about it all that much unless it's a really extreme case. But I'd say
|hitting, sexual abuse or abuse in general
|u/No_Name_Canadian - 13 hours
|
|Murdering me
|u/HiddenLeaforSand - 12 hours
|
|I spiraled terribly and needed my ex to come back from a trip to help
|me. It was the first time in the many years we were together that I
|verbally said “I need help”. She chose her trip. There goes the trust
|that we have each others back always
|u/A-R-9783 - 13 hours
|
|Physical harm, verbally aggressive assault causing psychological
|problems
|u/orion726 - 10 hours
|
|Watching the next episode of a show we're watching together without me
|u/Compulsive-Gremlin - 10 hours
|
|Money. If you’re not honest about money. How you spend it. How you save
|it.
|u/jdirte42069 - 10 hours
|
|Murder, feel like that's one
|u/growmorefood - 10 hours
|
|Telling your gf her sexy pics aren't that good
|u/Imatallguy - 9 hours
|
|Any kind of abuse, be it physical, mental, or financial.
|u/Due_Arm_5371 - 9 hours
|
|One boundary that has no turning back, in addition to cheating, can be
|disrespect. This includes humiliating, disqualifying or treating your
|partner badly, especially if it is repeated. Also things like physical
|violence, serious lies, or betraying trust at important times. These
|things are often difficult to forgive because they directly affect the
|relationship.
|u/Learning-Power - 9 hours
|
|Lying about sexual health. e.g. "I don't have herpes/HPV" Then
|later finding out they do. Fuck those people.
|u/SuperMakotoGoddess - 8 hours
|
|Any behavior that suggests they control you or you are their dedicated
|servant. Instant dump. Also violence.
|u/Ok_Blackberry_284 - 8 hours
|
|Gossiping behind their back - this doesn't have to be for just romantic
|relationships either. Any relationship, if someone tells you something
|in private, keep your mouth shut. You are not the town crier. It's not
|your job to run around bleating out people's personal business like a
|billy goat.
|u/Pancakefan16 - 7 hours
|
|Consent
|u/Yupperroo - 7 hours
|
|Outspoken dislike of your partner's children, which would be
|stepchildren.
|u/SimpGuard - 7 hours
|
|Bullying and emotionally or mentally hurting you.
|u/GorgeousW1fe - 7 hours
|
|A boundary that, once broken, leaves no second chance is
|disrespect—when trust and mutual respect are shattered, rebuilding them
|becomes nearly impossible.
|u/mike9941 - 7 hours
|
|she took my kid 3 states away and didn't allow me to speak to her or se
|for about 2.5 years.... that did it.
|u/SaltyReaperNZ - 7 hours
|
|Sharing my fishing spots.
|u/lawpara19 - 7 hours
|
|You tell them a million times what bothers you, and the answer is
|always. I'll try to be a better listener.
|u/WhyLimitMeTo20Charac - 6 hours
|
|I've seen a few people (let's be real, guys) on r/wallstreetbets who
|have used and lost entire joint saving accounts on stupid options bets
|u/gypsyhippieforlife - 6 hours
|
|Physical abuse -- There is no compromise/apologies/counseling or any
|other quick fixes from that. There will always be a 2nd time, never a 1
|time situation. That person is capable of hurt if that has no
|boundaries and possibility of change is zero eo 1--- don't depend on
|them to get help,nor do it again or make the necessary changes to never
|allow that to happen again.
|u/SLIMaxPower - 6 hours
|
|betrayal
|u/titusmaul - 5 hours
|
|Using the words “I want a divorce.”
|u/Cuish - 5 hours
|
|Divorce? Sure, divorce. Hey, you got it, toots! And here's a picture
|even you can figure out. It's a door! Use it!
|u/ShermansMasterWolf - 2 hours
|
|I've known people who have said it as an ultimatum, "If this thing
|doesn't change, I want a divorce." But there's also people that say
|it because they're immature and hurtful.
|u/Old_fart5070 - 5 hours
|
|Public disrespect and contempt.
|u/Abystract-ism - 4 hours
|
|Gambling away large sums of money in secret.
|u/Da-dtou-di - 3 hours
|
|1 for me is airing dirty laundry publicly. I don't care what we're
|going through. We work through it together. Publicly, we're a united
|front but I guess I'm a romantic like that. It's supposed to be us vs
|the world not me vs you + the world.
|u/ReadingThales - 3 hours
|
|When you’re talking about something you care for passionately and they
|disregard it as “nonsense.”
|u/Various_Ice_6566 - 12 hours
|
|A sneaky butt finger.
|u/tardiusmaximus - 14 hours
|
|Serving me asda own "instant" coffee instead of branded.
|u/ZuluMD88 - 12 hours
|
|Diabolical.
|u/TheBookGem - 13 hours
|
|Dying
|u/Larkspur71 - 13 hours
|
|Dying. That's a deal breaker.
|u/007baldy - 13 hours
|
|Being allergic to dogs.
|u/Eastern-Violinist-46 - 12 hours
|
|Telling family/ friends secrets you have divulged to your partner now
|that you guys are on a break or have broken up.
|u/Vanilla_chinchilla7 - 11 hours
|
|Telling your ex girlfriend you never lost feelings for them, telling
|your wife you never lost feelings for your ex.
|u/thenaked1 - 10 hours
|
|shitting in the bed. girl you gots to go
|u/sharkmouth92 - 8 hours
|
|Safe word being ignored
|u/Kattulo - 8 hours
|
|Sharing something extremely personal to you with other people behind
|your back...or just being purposefully mean and spiteful just to hurt
|you.
|u/smaugbreath - 12 hours
|
|Pineapple on pizza. Unforgivable.
|u/murkshroom - 16 hours
|
|Yeah, fuck respect!
|u/chefboyarde30 - 12 hours
|
|Disrespecting my boundaries you are gone.
|u/Sad_Orchid2637 - 11 hours
|
|Did you read my mind before posting…
|u/Geministr - 11 hours
|
|Lying,I can't trust someone who lies
|u/RedMageMajure - 10 hours
|
|I came home from a camping trip and my girlfriend had sold my
|television, Playstation 1, my bed and dresser and threw out all my
|clothes. I mean, she had already made the choice but that was enough
|of that.
|u/henrithelobster - 10 hours
|
|Stealing money
|u/Dorksim - 10 hours
|
|Farting in each other's presence. Once that Rubicon has been crossed
|the relationship will never be the same again
|u/Diligent_Writing_820 - 10 hours
|
|shitting on your pillow
|u/kboisno - 10 hours
|
|I concur. Can’t come back from that 😂😂😂
|u/Egomaniac247 - 10 hours
|
|pooting
|u/2Scarhand - 10 hours
|
|I'd say stealing, including purchases of several thousand dollars
|without talking to your partner. Even with a joint bank account, that
|doesn't give you a free pass to use your partner's savings on whatever
|you want.
|u/Firm-Analysis6666 - 10 hours
|
|Apparantly, politics.
|u/ChubHouse - 10 hours
|
|Disrespect . In any form.
|u/AlternatinCurrently - 9 hours
|
|Taking the big piece of chicken.
|u/Lucky_Artist_2656 - 9 hours
|
|La confianza y las mentiras
|u/Constant_Function238 - 9 hours
|
|For me, breaking this trust, by cheating, is the ultimate breach. I can
|never trust him again. Period.. the end. There’s no fixing it.
|u/SOSOBOSO - 9 hours
|
|Once one partner opens the fart door, the other can use it as often as
|they like.
|u/rowenaravenclaw0 - 9 hours
|
| Cheating and gaslighting.
|u/tbkrida - 9 hours
|
|Stealing.
|u/heliumdealerx - 8 hours
|
|Physical altercation/abuse
|u/Providence451 - 8 hours
|
|Physical violence. No coming back from that.
|u/Monst3r_Live - 8 hours
|
|hiding money. have had bad experiences with this. never gonna happen
|again.
|u/Mid_July_Diamond16 - 8 hours
|
|Taking the side of crazy in-laws. I firmly believe that you marry
|the person, you marry the family and if that family is fucking crazy
|then you're stuck with that for decades. Even worse when future
|children get dragged into it.
|u/alclarkey - 8 hours
|
|I'm pretty sure that would be beating on your SO. Or trying to kill
|them. Selling their favorite item behind their back maybe.
|u/jmi60 - 7 hours
|
|Not being warned about a yeast infection.
|u/mangokiwi_88 - 7 hours
|
|Public humiliation, saying or doing things to purposely hurt you during
|an argument, holding you to a standard they can not hold themselves to
|u/Oryx - 7 hours
|
|Confiding in someone and honestly telling them about the personal
|mental struggle that you go through daily, in the hope that they
|*might* understand what motivates or limits you better... and then
|having them instead use it against you in a petty argument, as if it is
|just bullshit, and basically an inconvenience to them.
|u/Upper-Serve-3427 - 7 hours
|
|e
|u/Stabby-the-cat - 7 hours
|
|The obvious one has to be violence. I’ve been married for 30y & I love
|my hubby with all my heart but if he ever hit me, in any way… that
|would have to be it, no matter how much he apologised for it
|afterwards. I had an Auntie who had many miserable years as a result of
|domestic violence & she never made it past 42yo as a result of it. If I
|hadn’t learned anything from her death, then it would’ve been for
|nothing.
|u/RootsRockRebel66 - 7 hours
|
|No surprise butt stuff!!
|u/xXRick-GrimesXx - 7 hours
|
|Probably if they kill you
|u/AriasK - 7 hours
|
|Physical abuse.
|u/ArachnidGuilty218 - 6 hours
|
|Taking all my money. Literally every cent. She spent incessantly. Stole
|our savings account, tried to take an inheritance, and hide or threw
|away several personal items. She was a certifiable narcissist.
|u/Optimal_Shirt6637 - 6 hours
|
|Lying in general
|u/Wolf6907 - 6 hours
|
|Trusting them with your secrets then they tell everyone
|u/Jpalm4545 - 6 hours
|
|Abuse of any sort.
|u/JourneyMan2585 - 6 hours
|
|Using the last of the toilet paper and not putting a new roll on.
|Despicable.
|u/Sad-Image-8349 - 6 hours
|
|Abuse Controlling Broken promises Downing/belittling Telling secrets
|u/BeautifuIMuse - 6 hours
|
|Disrespect—whether it's dismissing feelings, breaking trust, or
|consistently crossing lines
|u/Emotional-Range-962 - 6 hours
|
|If my pets get treated badly, that's a big no
|u/EquipmentThis8960 - 6 hours
|
|Having your life threatened during a fight
|u/luckythrowaway777 - 6 hours
|
|Stealing money
|u/attikol - 5 hours
|
|Shitting in the room with another person. No going back
|u/xxartyboyxx - 5 hours
|
|Cheating and Manipulation
|u/Prestigious_Jello365 - 5 hours
|
|insulting parents whether verbal or physical
|u/41VirginsfromAllah - 4 hours
|
|Lying about domestic violence. Ask me how I know
|u/Pure-Criticism-204 - 4 hours
|
|Well breaking trust is a pretty big one
|u/gcs_Sept09_2018 - 4 hours
|
|Being mean to my kids.
|u/Pixel_Sketch - 4 hours
|
|Lack of affection. this sure is no turning back.
|u/Violett_B - 3 hours
|
|Had an ex boyfriend pose as a stranger for like a whole year on my
|livestreams (I work in adult entertainment and stream on a camgirl
|site). He’d even send me loads of tips. As soon as I found out it was
|him, nothing was really ever the same and we eventually broke up.
|Couldn’t trust him for shit after that.
|u/phageblood - 3 hours
|
|They use the trauma you trusted them with against you. they talk shit
|about you to other places.
|u/JardinSurLeToit - 3 hours
|
|Lying would be a serious problem, but betrayal with certain private
|information or financial betrayal would be nearly impossible to come
|back from. Love is very important, but mutual trust is the basis of the
|relationship.
|u/JeniWMT02031 - 2 hours
|
|They find out things about you they had no reason to go find out.
|u/SetLeather9353 - 2 hours
|
|This goes for both romantic and platonic relationships. Putting down
|someone for their interest or hobby that genuinely makes them happy.
|u/7eleveneggsandwich - 2 hours
|
|He was so high and after our did he out of nowhere said “hits different
|with someone younger” pertaining that he enjoys sex more with younger
|women. We were in our late 20s when this happened. It has been a core
|insecurity I didn’t say anything about it when it happened and made
|sure I can prove that I’m an okay choice. Definitely dumb. But now
|that we’re no longer together and wants me back I remind myself of how
|disgusting that made me feel which until now I carry. [edit] just
|wanted to add how liberating to finally say this somewhere. I have kept
|this all in.
|u/liam-dolittle - 1 hour
|
|Putting a dirty knife (jam/marmite/garlic(!!)) in the butter. If they
|can do that, what else are they capable of!?!?
|u/Charcoalpeach99 - 1 hour
|
|Allowing their friends to make fun of you or disrespect the
|relationship
|u/whydoesitalwayssnow - 1 hour
|
|My mother always said “they get one” meaning one time striking out in
|anger. In 55 years my father has never used his one. Had a guy hit me
|in the leg in anger, the way you would an annoying sibling, broke up
|with him the next day.
|u/KaTheEdgy - 48 minutes
|
|Comparing you or your relationship to others. That's something that
|breaks my heart and pisses me off at the same time. Once I expressed
|how tired I was from working night shift for more than three weeks,
|with just one day off to sleep normally. She sad "Well, my dad always
|works 12 hour shifts and I've never hear him complain". Another of her
|bangers was "Well, I work 8 hours, too".
|u/Big_Brewster - 22 minutes
|
|Lowkey should not have read the comments Defintely where they dial
|back in dating. Like if all the sudden they switch from hot to cold.
|Get too flakey. Ill hit them very casually with the "no you blew it
|habibs" and take them home
|u/Mottis86 - 21 minutes
|
|Cheating a second time.
|u/StrawbraryLiberry - 19 minutes
|
|There's a lot of them, honestly. One is if they lie about their real
|name.
|u/ParsleySuperb4048 - 10 minutes
|
|Not sharing food
|u/TuxedoCatSupremacist - 13 hours
|
|Not standing on your side in the event of conflict or argument with
|someone, especially a family member. This is important, because it
|shows your SO’s loyalty, and whether your SO will protect you in times
|of need.
|u/TwoIdleHands - 13 hours
|
|Meh. If you’re right I’ll back you to the end of the earth. But if
|you’re having a disagreement with your family and you’re the one
|being an ass I’ll hear you out then nicely tell you I think you’re in
|the wrong. I don’t want a partner that just goes along with what I
|say. I want someone who actually believes in what I say. And if what
|I’m saying is BS I want them to tell me that.
|u/ShreakingDeath - 10 hours
|
|This. Have your partner's back in public and the disagreement at
|home. If my partner says some dumb shit or does the wrong thing,
|I'm gonna defend them in the moment. But once we get home, "bruh,
|dafuq?"
|u/StrangeDays929 - 4 hours
|
|We should reach out to all my ex’s to find out. Never met a woman who
|gave me a second chance.
|u/xXROGXx971 - 12 hours
|
|Voting for Trump, apparently :)
|u/mikecws91 - 12 hours
|
|Farting
|u/Twilight_Velour - 3 hours
|
|eating junkfoods
|u/Psychological_Ad1999 - 11 hours
|
|I’m non-monogamous so there is no cheating. I will not tolerate
|manipulation
|