Don't Panic: THE SIDEWALK COUNSELOR'S GUIDEBOOK
by Judith Fetrow
BIOGRAPHY
As a Planned Parenthood Reproductive Health Specialist, Judith worked as
an abortion counselor and as a surgical assistant during abortion
procedures. This brought her face to face with what abortion is, the
killing of a child.
When Judith worked for Planned Parenthood, pro-life activists would often
ask her when she thought life began. She would answer, "Life begins at
conception and what I do is murder." However, during the fall of 1990
Judith met a sidewalk counselor who became her friend. It was through
this friendship that she came to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ and
quit her job at Planned Parenthood.
Dedication
To Laura-belle, who took the risk and loved me as Jesus would- "I love you
more than life itself." And Laura's family (Roy-boy, Jayde-inski, and
Jesse-bug), thanks for being my family and teaching me how to love again.
I am also grateful to my church, Celebration Christian Center in Livermore,
California, for their love, their prayers (even when I was still working
for Planned Parenthood), and for their support- I miss you guys. To all
the pro-life, anti-abortion activists and sidewalk counselors who have
given up their security, their homes, and their reputations to follow God-
you are my heroes. Additionally, this book is for Elizabeth in New
Jersey- I hope and pray it makes a difference. I also offer up my heart
felt thank you's to Rob and Joan. Joan, thanks for repeatedly saying
the things I needed to hear- and for translating Texas evangelspeak. And
Rob, thanks for being such a great big brother, mostly, thanks for telling
me that I was not out of pro-life when I kept telling you,"I quit"- and
for accepting all of those latenight collect phone calls. To Suzanne for
being my Texas mom-"poor, poor Suzanne." To Karla and Rob for the fun
times and the laughs, to the Fickers for watching the blue beast
(forever), to Mikey for Disneyland, to the Clemmons for being true Texans
and true Christians. To Sally, my favorite midwife, for salt and
wisdom. To Janice and Jeff for sitting on the roof and all the other
weird things you've done. To Steve, Darwin, Lynn, Greg, and Faith, Pastor
Tim, and all the other folks whom God used to bring about my salvation-
thanks for your obedience. To Jerry, for believing in me when I was too
thrashed to go on. To Josh, you will always be my favorite-Christianity
needs more like you-thanks for "no compromises on the Gospel of Jesus
Christ." To all the folks out there who have sacrificed to support us-
thanks for the meals, sleeping place, gasoline, cash, love, prayers, etc.-
we could not have done this without you. But mostly to the Lord Jesus
Christ who loved me enough to come to a Planned Parenthood facility to
claim for me His own-I will be eternally grateful for that Love.-Judith
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Table of Contents
FOREWORD
GOALS OF TRAINING
UNITY
CLINICS AS A MISSION FIELD
QUALITIES OF EFFECTIVE SIDEWALK COUNSELORS
WHO IS THE WOMAN EXPERIENCING A CRISIS PREGNANCY?
WHAT IS A "CRISIS PREGNANCY"?
STEPS TO CRISIS INTERVENTION
LISTENING
OPEN QUESTIONS
HOW TO RECOGNIZE HER
WHO IS THE CLINIC WORKER OR VOLUNTEER?
OPENING LINES
ANATOMY AND PHYSIOLOGY
WHAT ARE THE OPTIONS?
METHODS OF ABORTION
EMOTIONAL ASPECTS OF ABORTION
END WITH EVANGELISM
ALTERNATIVES
ABORTIONISTS' VIEW OF CHRISTIANS
THE CHICAGO METHOD
ROLE PLAY
CONCLUSION
A NOTE FROM HOLLY TRIMBLE
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Foreword
This is a book for those people who feel they are called to go to the
abortion centers to counsel women, but have not gone because they didn't
know what to say.
We have put together this book, and training for sidewalk counselors, to
help people who are in that dilemma. It is easy to let our insecurity
restrain us from action. Excuses are numerous when the costs are high. The
truth is that thousands of babies die every day, and they can't hear our
excuses.
If you think of sidewalk counseling as crisis evangelism, and you think of
the mother as a respected friend, you will find that counseling women is
easy. There is no other place where you will find such a dramatic need for
Christ. The abortion centers of this country are the new mission field. God
is looking for missionaries to go forth and preach the Gospel. If we dare to
call ourselves Christians, which means being Christ-like, we have a
responsibility to make disciples of the world starting in our
neighborhoods-at our doorsteps.
We have written this book because we wanted to share our knowledge, and our
hope. As a former Planned Parenthood worker, Judith has, from the inside of
an abortion facility, observed what tactics work. As pro-life activists we
have seen, from the outside of abortion facilities across the country, what
tactics work. We hope and pray that our trial-and-error experiences will
help future counselors to get around the blocks and dead-ends that we have
encountered. It is always hoped that the student will surpass the teacher
because the student can draw on the teacher's experiences and not make the
same mistakes. This book may help achieve the same thing.
Additionally, all too often, if we don't see results, we think that we have
no effect. Please remember that just because a woman goes into an abortion
facility does not mean that she will have her abortion. There were many
times when Judith was working in the abortuary and women got off the table
just prior to having their abortions. We do have an effect, even if we don't
see it-remember, faith is the substance of things hoped for, and the
evidence of things not seen.
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GOALS OF TRAINING
Behold I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore
wise as serpents, and harmless as doves.(Matthew 10:16)
We hope that through this book each person will find the style of
counseling that God has given him. Each of us has a personality type,
and a style of counseling, that is his own. What works for Joshua does
not work for Judith; what works for you will be as individual as your
fingerprints. This book emphasizes the individual talents and gifts that
God has bestowed upon each counselor. Through training, we hope you will
utilize these gifts and talents to the greatest extent possible. We also
hope and pray that training will prevent the severe burnout rate that has
occurred among many counselors. As with anything, practice will hone your
skills and cause you to look to the Lord instead of to the circumstances
surrounding you.
Remember, none of us started out as "good" sidewalk counselors. The only
way to become an expert sidewalk counselor is to go out and counsel women
and their partners at the clinics. Like the Lord's prayer, this book is
only a pattern for the counselor's use. It is important, as will be
stressed throughout this book, to develop your own counseling style.
When we are in front of the clinics, we are to be driven by love,
compassion and obedience, not anger and obligation.
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UNITY
Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.
There is one body and one Spirit-just as you were called to one hope when
you were called-one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all,
who is over all and through all and in all. (Ephesians 4:3-6)
I appeal to you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all
of you agree with one another so that there may be no divisions among you
and that you may be perfectly united in mind and thought. (I Corinthians
1:10)
Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not
all have the same function, so in Christ we who are many form one body, and
each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to
the grace given us . . . (Romans 12:4-6)
Jesus told us that a house divided against itself cannot stand; that is
true of the Church and of the pro-life movement. If we are in front of the
abortuaries and are not of one accord, God cannot use us, and we will get
trounced. Rather than look to our differences, we need to accentuate the
similarities in our faiths, primarily that Jesus Christ who died for our
sins and rose on the third day is our Lord and Savior.
In the past there has been backbiting and judgment among brothers and
sisters who share a concern for, and dedication to, God's precious preborn
children. We must stop attacking one another and attack our real
enemy-Satan-the father of lies. We are called to love one another and to
support one another. And, as our grandmothers always said, "If you can't
say anything nice, don't say anything at all . . ."
Imagine the awesome work that God could do if we were not wounding our own
and leaving them on the battlefield to slowly bleed to death. Some of our
best warriors have been so wounded by their brothers and sisters that they
have left the ministry, and some have even turned away from the Lord.
Please, let's strive for love and unity at the abortion facilities.
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CLINICS AS A MISSION FIELD
Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has
been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing
them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and
teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with
you always, to the very end of the age." (Matthew 28:18-20)
The clinics present us with a tremendous opportunity to reach out to those
people who will not come to our churches, and who seldom see God's love. It
was the sinners, those who had little to do with the religious leaders of
the time, whom Jesus sought to reach. At the killing centers, one may find
the radical left, those involved in the occult, the walking wounded from
churches (in some cases), the homeless, the clinic workers, the
abortionists, the mothers, the fathers, the AIDS victims, and those who
simply need the Lord.
Jesus dined with the publicans and sinners. He said that it was the sick
who need a doctor; that situation has not changed. Christians know the
truth of the Gospel, and we are convinced of its validity, but there is
a world of people who do not have a revelation of the truth, and they
deserve to hear it. The abortuary provides one of the largest
cross-sections of people of any ministry field. This sounds like a good
place to share the hope and life provided by Jesus Christ. What better
place to show life and peace than a place of death and despair? Just as
Jesus reached out to the thief on the cross, we should feel compelled to
reach out to the abortion-bound mom, and the people who are leading her
to destruction, those who press towards their own destruction.
Christ set an example of how we are to live. This includes ministering to
those who make us uncomfortable, the socially undesirable, the religious
outcasts-those who have not heard the truth. Do they not need Christ more
than those who are already saved? It's time to get out of our armchairs and
get back to the streets. Even if you do not feel a call to minister
directly to the moms, you will definitely find someone to whom you are
called to minister.
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QUALITIES OF EFFECTIVE SIDEWALK COUNSELORS
Empathy
Empathy is the ability to understand what someone else is feeling and to
communicate that you understand, while at the same time remaining objective
enough to help them. If you understand your own feelings, you can generally
empathize.
It is sometimes easier for us to turn away from people in pain, rather
than reach out to them in their pain. It is difficult to hear the anguish
and despair of another person, but we must hear that anguish if we are to
minister to those who are hurting. Hearing someone's despair means really
listening to his words and not assuming what he is feeling and what he is
going to say. Scripture is always true, but there are times when people
need to see Jesus in us, not our quoting Jesus at them. Holding a hand, or
crying with someone, can often be better ministry. We cannot cringe at the
pain that needs mercy, nor can we walk away from the burden that needs
bearing. We are called to be the Lord's hands and heart to those who are
hurting.
Empathy is not assuming that another person's reactions or emotions to a
situation are the same as ours would be under the same circumstances. Our
reactions may not be "proper," but those reactions must be dealt with
because they are still genuine and valid. Sometimes we need to see the face
of Jesus in the face of another person.
Please remember that someone else may not feel the way you would under the
same circumstances. Although we must be involved enough to hear what is
being said to us, and to make use of our own emotional experiences, we must
also be detached enough to be able to tell the difference between our
emotional experiences and those of the woman.
If you have unresolved abortion issues in your life, it is often difficult
to effectively deal with another's pain until you have resolved your pain
from your abortion experience. It is important to walk through a healing
process before going out onto the streets, in front of the abortion
facilities. Your local crisis pregnancy center will be able to assist you
in finding post-abortion counseling services.
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Sincerity
Sincerity is the ability to be true and not hypocritical, honest and not
false. Sincerity is being yourself and not hiding behind phony piety or
defenses.
Although you may want to watch other sidewalk counselors and model your
style after them, you do not want to try to be exactly like another
sidewalk counselor. If you do model your style after someone else, this
is fine. Within a short time, you will find that you have developed a
style that is all your own. This style will be sincere and flexible because
it will be modified by your counseling experiences.
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Unconditional Acceptance
Unconditional acceptance is caring for and accepting the other person
despite his lifestyle-accepting him despite his sin. Judith often says
that her heart was touched by a pro-life activist who said to her, "Jesus
calls us to hate the sin and love the sinner." She was touched by him
because he did love her despite her job assisting in the killing of
children. Remember, love "bears all things, believes all things, hopes
all things, endures all things" (I Corinthians 13:7).
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Humility
Humility is recognizing our own strengths and weaknesses. It is the
evidence of respect for God and for the other person. God can use
anyone in this woman's life; you are not responsible for her decision.
You are not to blame if she has an abortion, nor are you to claim any
glory if she does not.
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Obedience
To love God is to obey Him. Our love for the Lord is evidenced in our
obedience to Him and to the tasks He assigns us.
But I gave them this command: Obey me, and I will be your God and you will
be my people. Walk in all the ways I command you, that it may go well with
you. (Jeremiah 7:23)
Jesus replied, "If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father
will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him."
(John 14:23)
Obedience to God is not a feeling; it is a state of being. It is a daily
commitment to walk in the paths that God has set before us. Sidewalk
counseling on a regular basis can be very frustrating. We must continually
remind ourselves that we are out there in obedience to God, whether or not
we see the results of our obedience. Obedience is not some warm, fuzzy
emotion . . . it is continuing to step out and follow the Lord without
regard for what we see, or for the circumstances.
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Other Qualities Needed to Be an Effective Sidewalk Counselor
1. An effective sidewalk counselor must be familiar with what the
Bible teaches on the sanctity of human life.
Psalm 139:13-16 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together
in my mother's womb. I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden
from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in
the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days
ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
Jeremiah 1:4-6 The word of the Lord came to me saying, "Before I formed
you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I
appointed you as a prophet to the nations."
Galatians 1:15 But when God, who set me apart from birth and called me
by his grace, was pleased to reveal his Son in me . . .
Psalm 127:3 Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from him.
Leviticus 20:1-5 The Lord said to Moses, "Say to the Israelites: Any
Israelite or alien living in Israel who gives any of his children to Molech
must be put to death. The people of the community are to stone him. I will
set my face against that man and I will cut him off from his people; for by
giving his children to Molech, he has defiled my sanctuary and profaned my
holy name. If the people of the community close their eyes when that man
gives one of his children to Molech and they fail to put him to death, I
will set my face against that man and his family and will cut off from
their people both him and all who follow him in prostituting themselves to
Molech."
Matthew 18:10 See that you do not look down on one of these little ones.
For I tell you that their angels in heaven always see the face of my
father in heaven.
Isaiah 45:9-10 Woe to him who quarrels with the Maker, to him who is
but a potsherd among the potsherds on the ground. Do the clay say to the
potter, "What are you making?" Do your works say, "He has no hands?" Woe to
him who says to his father, "What have you begotten?" Or to his mother,
"What have you brought to birth?"
Ephesians 2:10 For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus
to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
I Corinthians 6:19-20 Do you not know that your body is the temple of
the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are
not your own; you were bought with a price. Therefore honor God with your
body.
Deuteronomy 30:19 This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against
you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now
choose life, so that you and your children may live.
2. A firm commitment to the pro-life position . . . even in the
hard cases. Abortion is not the eraser that makes rape and/or incest
disappear.
More information on how to counsel the rape and/or incest survivor
is included later in this book. However, it is important to have some
knowledge of what rape and incest are.
Rape is a forced sexual encounter against the will of the woman.
You should not make a judgment about the woman's involvement in the
situation, it is important that the woman clarify the situation and how she
feels for herself.
Ask her is she is willing to tell you what happened. Listen to her
carefully. Encourage her to continue to talk about what happened, even if
the details make you uncomfortable; it is important that you not let your
discomfort show. Assume that the woman was functioning well in her life
until now and that all signs of distress are related to the rape. Be
prepared to make a referral for additional counseling.
Incest and child sexual abuse are the sexual involvement of adults with
children. All cases of child sexual abuse must be reported to the child
protection agency in your area.
Take the time to discuss the rape and/or incest with the woman in
a low key, undramatic manner. Avoid implying or suggesting perversity,
unnaturalness, or illegality. Help her in planning how she will deal with
the situation.
It is difficult to listen to the pain of a woman who has been raped; it
is harder still when it is a child. However, it is important to not turn
from the woman's pain. We are called to bear one another's burdens, to
walk through the wilderness with those whom the Lord places in our path.
If a woman discloses to you that she has been raped, she is placing her
trust in you; she is also reaching out to you. This is not the time to
offer pat answers. "Give it to Jesus" can often sound like "Don't give
it to me, I don't want to hear it." "All things work together for the good
of those who love God and are called according to his purpose" is true.
However, the woman will receive this as your not being interested.
Listening, showing compassion and love, and a simple "I am sorry that
happened to you" will be more useful to the woman. We are called to weep
with those who weep, and mourn with those who mourn. There are no quick
fixes for the pain of rape, incest, or sexual abuse.
3. A concern for the woman as well as for the child.
The uterus is a very strong muscle. You cannot reach through the woman
to reach the child. You must reach the woman to reach the child.
4. Recognition of your own values and biases.
Values: A worthwhile principle or quality, something of importance.
We are more comfortable sharing ourselves with those people who share our
values, those who hold dear the same things that we hold dear. This is not
always the case with counseling; you will not always counsel women who
share your view of the world. It is important to recognize our own values
so that we can more easily accept the values of others. We may not agree
with the woman's values, but if we can accept that they are her values at
this point, we have a better chance of reaching her.
Biases: Prejudices; preconceived opinions.
It is important to recognize those things that we have strong feelings
against. It is hard to hide a feeling of aversion from someone with whom
you are counseling. The woman will feel your reluctance and lack of
acceptance. Acknowledging our biases often makes them easier for us to
accept in a counseling situation. However, if you have strong feelings and
biases about someone, or about a lifestyle, it is often more productive to
let someone who does not have the same strong bias counsel that individual.
5. A commitment to confidentiality.
Assume that everything said to you is said in confidence. When a woman
shares something with you, it is important not to repeat what you are told.
What is shared with you is between you, the woman, and the Lord.
6. Warm, caring people who relate well to others and sincerely enjoy others
make excellent sidewalk counselors. A warm and caring spirit can be felt
by the woman you are counseling. These qualities and attitudes are a gift
from God to the woman.
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WHO IS THE WOMAN EXPERIENCING A CRISIS PREGNANCY?
Any woman can experience a crisis pregnancy. However, there are
similarities among most women with a crisis pregnancy. She is usually
from a single-parent home or a home where both parents work. There may
be pressure from her partner, family or peers to abort. She may feel that
she is trapped by circumstances and cannot continue the pregnancy (money,
job, school, illness, drug use). Please remember she is bombarded by
messages each day that encourage sex and abortion-on-demand. It is an
education process to undo the messages that she receives from television,
school, magazines, etc. Oftentimes, in front of the abortion clinic is not
the place to begin this education process. It is better to direct the
woman to the crisis pregnancy center in your area. They are better equipped
to counsel and undo the damage done by the fallacies the woman has been
fed.
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WHAT IS A "CRISIS PREGNANCY"?
Any pregnancy that causes stress is a crisis pregnancy.
A crisis is defined as an event or series of consequences that threaten our
well-being and interfere with our normal life. Some of the feelings
associated with a crisis are anxiety, ambivalence, dependence, low
self-esteem, anger, helplessness, detachment, fear and guilt.
Any pregnancy, even one that was wanted at the time of conception, can be a
crisis pregnancy. The crisis will occur because the woman perceives the
circumstances to be so hostile to her situation, her life, or her pregnancy
that she must seek an escape. All too often, the way of escape for the
woman appears to be abortion, even to women who would never before have
considered abortion.
Society has pushed abortion as a cure-all for the woman in a crisis
pregnancy. When people are faced with a crisis of any nature, they will
respond by using the information they have been taught. They will look for
the easiest answer possible. This mind-set will direct a woman on a single
course of action, one that has been presented time and time again-the
abortion option.
The crisis may interfere with the woman's normal ability to look at a
problem and come to a rational decision. This does not mean that the woman
is a "bad" person; rather, she is responding, in a very human fashion, to
what has been presented as a threat -by seeking immediate relief. When
confronting the crisis, it is essential to present simple, direct, clear
and precise answers to the woman's situation. Lengthy oratories will only
confuse the woman. Because of the need to find a clear answer in a crisis,
it is important to deal with the prominent concern the woman has regarding
her pregnancy. Helping the baby without helping the woman is doing a
disservice to everyone. You cannot solve all the woman's problems on the
street. You need only direct her to the crisis pregnancy center where the
woman can receive the aid that she requires.
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STEPS TO CRISIS INTERVENTION
* Establish a rapport with the woman-make contact-smile and look
her in the eyes.
* Help her to reduce her anxiety; allow the woman to talk out her
feelings.
* Explore her circumstances with her-remember to stay focused on the
issue.
* Encourage her to take action-give her a map to the crisis pregnancy
center; go with her to call and make an appointment. If you can, accompany
her to the crisis pregnancy center.
Crisis pregnancy centers exist to help women with the support necessary to
continue their pregnancies. It is important that each woman who is turned
away from an abortion center receive some type of information on the crisis
pregnancy center closest to her; it is not the responsibility of the
sidewalk counselor to support the woman throughout her pregnancy.
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LISTENING
"We who are strong ought to bear with the failing of the weak, and not to
please ourselves." (Romans 15:1)
"Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of
Christ." (Galatians 6:2)
One of the greatest gifts you can give a woman in a crisis pregnancy is
listening to her. The woman will be able to tell if you are really
listening; not just by what you say in response to her, but by how you say
it, in what she observes and senses in the way you react to what she says .
. . verbally and nonverbally.
Our body language tells people if we are really listening, if we really
care for them. How do you look? Are you relaxed? Do you seem open,
smiling, friendly? Do you look like someone she could trust and respect?
Do you seem interested in what she is saying, or are you obviously
thinking about your next response? Are you looking her in the eye, or
staring at the ground, watching the activity on the street, looking at
your watch? Are you fidgeting? Fidgeting is a giveaway that you are
feeling impatient. How is your voice? Are you strident or judgmental, or
is your voice quiet and soothing? It's the easiest thing in the world to
say that we understand and that we want to help, but does that show in
how we hold ourselves?
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OPEN QUESTIONS
One technique of good listening is asking open questions. Open questions
allow the woman to explore her feelings and do not guide the conversation
along pre-established lines. There are no "correct" or "incorrect" answers
to open questions; they do not direct the woman's thinking. Open questions
show the woman that you respect her. If she feels respected, she will be
far more willing to listen to you when you suggest that she accompany you
to the crisis pregnancy center.
If your questions can only be answered with a "yes" or a "no," you will
find you are asking question after question; you will be doing all the
talking. Additionally, you will sound like a prosecuting attorney or an
angry parent. This is not at all useful to the woman. Be silent after
asking a question so that the woman has a chance to think about her
response.
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Here are some examples of open questions:
* When did you learn you were pregnant?
* How did you feel?
* How does your partner/mother/father feel?
* How have other people reacted to your pregnancy?
* How did you come to your decision to have an abortion?
* What are your feelings about abortion?
* Could you tell me more about that?
* How did you feel when he/she said that?
* Can you give me an example of that?
* What do you mean by . . . ?
"Can you tell me?" and "Will you tell me?" allow the woman to say no,
although she will generally answer you. It is very important when dealing
with survivors of rape, incest or sexual abuse to allow them an opportunity
to tell you no. These women need to have control of the sidewalk counseling
situation; when you ask open questions, you give them that control.
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HOW TO RECOGNIZE HER
She is not the woman in the silk dress and the expensive shoes wearing the
Planned Parenthood name badge. It is fairly easy to recognize a woman who
is entering a clinic for an abortion. She will generally have someone with
her, as she needs a ride home after the abortion. She will be told by the
abortion center staff to "wear a comfortable, loose fitting, two-piece
outfit, like a sweat suit." With younger teenage women, there will often be
several young women walking together. Since teenage girls tend to release
tension through giggling, expect them to appear lighthearted. This is a
common reaction among very young women, so please do not be judgmental.
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WHO IS THE CLINIC WORKER OR VOLUNTEER?
Many clinic workers have had a previous abortion experience. A high
percentage of the women who work at abortion facilities have child sexual
abuse, incest or forcible rape in their backgrounds. Some of these women
have grown up in alcoholic, emotionally abusive, or physically abusive
homes.
When dealing with the clinic workers, please bear in mind that some of them
are wounded women. Although their dedication to abortion is confusing for
us, to them it makes sense. If you grow up in a home where "I love you"
means "I can hurt you," a home where there is no safe place, a world of
secrets and pain, where the only safe place is the company of other wounded
women, then it is not reaching very far to come to the wrong conclusions-
the wrong conclusions that killing children means saving them, and that
women are safer, more autonomous, and better able to care for themselves
in a dangerous world if they bear no children.
These of course are the wrong conclusions, but they are the wrong
conclusions that come from a place of pain. We need to share the truth,
and the love of Jesus, with these women if we are to successfully battle
these wrong conclusions and help them combat the pain and fear in their
lives. We need to love them as Jesus would-uncompromisingly,
all-consumingly, and unconditionally. We need to love them with a love
that they have never known, a love that will leave them standing in shame
under the hand of the living God.
Other clinic workers become involved in abortion rights because they truly
believe that they are helping women. For these clinic workers it is much
more a political choice. They are involved because of their love and
concern for women.
When we are in front of clinics and we hear the shouts of "murderer" and
"the blood is on your hands," it is a knife that goes through us. These are
women who need our compassion, they need our love, they need the healing
power of a risen Savior. Yes, what they do, the wholesale slaughter of
innocent children, is heinous. Yes, it must stop. But the way to stop it is
to reach out in love, not to retaliate in anger.
Love always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. We are not condoning
sin, nor are we excusing sin. However, if we can get into the heads of the
clinic workers, if we can understand the other side, we will be better
equipped to battle our true enemy-the father of lies-Satan. We will also be
better able to love the clinic workers as Jesus would-uncompromisingly,
unconditionally, and all-consumingly. Remember, we are called to love the
clinic workers.
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OPENING LINES
The best opening line is the one you come up with yourself. However, there
are some opening lines that are not appropriate. "Please don't kill your
baby," "I'll take your baby for you," and "You will still be a mother-the
mother of a dead child," are not very productive if you want someone to
stop and talk with you. The object of sidewalk counseling is to get the
woman to stop and talk with you. We have seen some wonderful sidewalk
counselors use very simple opening lines, so we have included some of our
favorites.
* I'm not here to tell you not to have an abortion. However, I do have
some information about this clinic that may be of interest to you.
* Excuse me, ma'am, can I get just a few seconds of your time . . . ah,
c'mon, please . . .
* Will you talk to me for just a second? My boss is over there watching
me, and the information I have for you really won't hurt you.
* Look, I know it's hot (or cold, or raining, or . . .), and you've
already made up your mind, but I have some information on the medical
malpractice suits against this clinic that I'd like to share with you.
* Hi, I'm giving this information to everyone who is going into this
facility today-would you like some additional information?
* Can I get you to stop for just a second so I can give you some
information that you won't receive inside this facility?
By the time a woman is approaching the doors of the abortion center she is
determined to get inside. She has been warned that you, the radical
anti-choice terrorist, are going to try to stop her. The way to disarm what
the abortuary staff has told her about you is to be friendly. No one is
expecting polite, kind, gentle people. That is not what they are shown on
the news, and your quiet spirit will disarm them.
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ANATOMY AND PHYSIOLOGY
It is important to know about the stages of pregnancy and fetal development
when talking to some women. It is also important to understand the basic
anatomy when discussing the possible complications of abortions. It is
always best to know as much as possible about a subject you are discussing
with someone; it never looks credible if you have no facts.
* Ovaries are the egg depositories where thousands of eggs are stored.
The ovaries are located on either side of the uterus and are connected to
the uterus by the fallopian tubes.
* Fallopian tubes are small tubes about the same diameter as a piece of
raw spaghetti. The fallopian tubes connect the ovaries with the uterus.
Because of the size of the fallopian tubes, they are easily damaged or, in
the uterus, covered by scar tissue.
* The uterus is a muscle about the size of a woman's closed fist. This
is where the fertilized egg (zygote) implants and grows for the next 38
weeks.
* The cervix is a small sphincter muscle the size of a quarter located
at the bottom of the uterus. The cervix remains tightly closed until the
third trimester of the pregnancy, when it softens to prepare for birth.
Once a month one ovary releases an egg, which waits in the fallopian tube
for fertilization. The entire system is geared for reproduction. At the
time the egg is released, the uterine lining is best prepared to accept a
fertilized egg. If fertilization does not occur, at the end of the
menstrual cycle the uterine lining and the unfertilized egg are discarded
and the process begins again.
If the egg is fertilized, the zygote will spend about six days traveling to
the uterus. On approximately day seven, the zygote implants in the uterus
and the placenta begins to form. The implantation takes about three days.
When this happens, the woman's menstrual cycle is stopped. Shortly
thereafter, when she misses her period, she will suspect that she is
pregnant. The baby's cardiovascular system is the first to develop, and
blood is being pumped by the third week. In the third week of pregnancy,
the central nervous system is forming, and at 40 days, detailed EEG
(brainwave) and EKG (heart tones) can be detected.
Between the fifth and eighth weeks, the face forms; ossification begins in
the backbone vertebrae in the eighth week. This is the end of the embryonic
stage. All major organs are formed, the skeletal system is established,
blood is pumping, and the fetus responds to outside stimulus and resembles
the baby we know it to be.
The renowned fetal stage is next, and will continue until the birth of the
child ("fetus" is Latin for "little one.") During this time many changes
will occur in the child, such as:
* the excretory system begins functioning in the ninth to twelfth
weeks, with the formation of urine, which is excreted into the amniotic
fluid;
* fingernails and toenails begin forming at ten weeks;
* between nine and twelve weeks, the sex of the baby is evident;
* at the 20th week, the hair on the baby is readily visible.
At the end of the second trimester, the baby is capable of sustaining life
outside of the womb, with assistance. The third trimester marks maturation
of lungs, liver, kidneys, and heart. Because the baby receives oxygen and
nutrients through the umbilical cord, these organs need not develop earlier;
they are needed to function outside of the womb more than inside. All of
the systems in the body are functioning and getting the final nurturing they
need before the baby is born.
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WHAT ARE THE OPTIONS?
Addressing the Abortion Option
Listen to the reasons a woman has for being at the abortion clinic. Do not
trivialize her reasons; they are very important to her, and you are not in
her situation. If you treat her answers lightly, she will not feel safe or
respected, and she will go into the abortuary. You may want to describe the
methods of abortion and the possible complications of those methods. Talk
to her about the emotional complications of abortion. If you are a woman
who has had an abortion, it may help to share some of your feelings about
your abortion. This is a good time to evangelize. You do not need to hit
her hard with the Gospel, but you can ask her how she feels about God. You
can also ask her, "How do you think God feels about abortion?" Always let
her know that you are telling her these facts because you care about her.
Remember, if you are not sincere, if she does not feel safe talking to you,
she will find the "safety" promised in the abortuary.
Letting her know the facts about abortion is important, but it is also very
important that you acknowledge and talk about why she feels abortion is the
answer to her crisis pregnancy. It is the job of the sidewalk counselor to
relieve some of the pressures she feels. In order to find the pressures she
feels, you must be able to listen. Try to find the greatest single problem
she is encountering, reassure her that there is help for her in her
situation. Do not give pat answers; you must reach her in her situation. No
one else has her specific problem. If you can provide a path for resolution
of some of her problems, the stress she feels will diminish. The woman may
need a friend and little else. Therefore, treat every woman like a close
personal friend.
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METHODS OF ABORTION
First-Trimester Abortions
During the first 12 weeks of pregnancy, two types of abortion are
performed: vacuum aspiration, and dilation and curettage. Most abortion
centers use vacuum aspiration because it is cheaper, faster and easier to
perform.
1. Vacuum Aspiration
The cervix is dilated with metal rods. A plastic tube, called a cannula,
is inserted into the uterus. The tube is connected to a machine which works
very much like a vacuum cleaner.
Many women are not prepared for this procedure because they have been
told it is quick and easy. Women have also been told that the pain they
will feel is similar to menstrual cramps, but a little more painful. They
are reassured that they will be given a local anesthetic. Despite the use
of a local anesthetic, many women find this method extremely painful.
The suction is quite powerful. It must pull the fetus and the placenta
from the wall of the uterus, and also cut them into small enough pieces
to pass through the cannula and tubing. At this point the doctor must
scrape the lining of the uterus with a sharp instrument called a curette.
The doctor will then suction again to be sure that no fetal tissue or
parts remain in the uterus.
If even a tiny piece of tissue remains in the uterus, severe infection
can develop. This infection can lead to bleeding, cramping, fever, and
even sterility. It may result in pelvic inflammatory disease (PID), an
inflammation of the reproductive organs that can recur for years and cause
scarring that makes it difficult to conceive a child. Infection may also be
a sign that the uterus was injured. Surgery, and occasionally a
hysterectomy, may have to be performed if prompt medical attention is not
given to the problem.
Excessive, uncontrolled bleeding (hemorrhaging) can also occur during
or after a suction abortion. The larger the fetus, the more of a chance
there is of excessive bleeding, but any woman can suddenly start
hemorrhaging during an abortion. Blood transfusions, which increase the
risk of exposure to the HIV virus and hepatitis, may be needed.
There is also a risk that scar tissue will form in the uterus. During
the pregnancy, the placenta roots itself into the wall of the uterus, and
often after suctioning, the abortionist must scrape the wall of the uterus
to remove all remnants of the placenta. This can leave areas where the
normal uterine lining cannot grow again, making it difficult to conceive
because the embryo cannot implant on the scar tissue.
Scar tissue may block the Fallopian tubes, either partially or completely.
If the tubes are completely blocked, conception is impossible. If they are
partially blocked, sperm may pass through the Fallopian tubes and fertilize
an egg, but the zygote is then unable to leave the tube and move into the
uterus. As the embryo starts to grow in the Fallopian tube, the woman may
experience a great deal of pain. This condition is called an "ectopic" or
"tubal" pregnancy. If the tube is not removed surgically, it will burst,
resulting in internal hemorrhaging and possible death.
During the pregnancy, the uterus becomes softer, and easier to perforate.
Perforations may be "mild to severe," and may also cause scarring and
hemorrhaging. Remember which organs are nearby. If the abortionist is not
careful, he can pull part of the intestine through the uterine wall. In
the event of a perforation, it is sometimes necessary to remove the
uterus to control bleeding.
2. Dilation and Curettage
Dilation and Curettage (D & C) is seldom used because the risks are higher
than with vacuum aspiration. D & C is similar to the vacuum aspiration.
The cervix is dilated so that surgical instruments can enter the uterus.
Once the cervix has been sufficiently dilated, a curette is used to scrape
the uterine wall to remove the placenta and any remains of the fetus.
This procedure takes longer to perform than suction aspiration, and
anesthesia is almost always required. There is less bleeding and less
chance of hemorrhaging, but in other ways the risks are greater. The
cervix must be dilated more, thus there is a greater chance of damage to
the cervical muscle. There is also a greater chance of the uterus being
perforated.
Second- and Third-Trimester Abortions
Once the pregnancy is beyond 12 weeks, abortion becomes more difficult and
the risks are greater. By 12 weeks, the baby has grown to about three
inches long. The skeleton is hardening as bone replaces cartilage, and
the skull is too large to pass through the cannula. The uterus is much
larger, and there is a much greater chance of hemorrhaging. Four types
of abortions are performed during the second and third trimesters: dilation
and evacuation, saline instillation, prostaglandin, and hysterotomy.
1. Dilation and Evacuation
By 12 weeks the baby has grown to be about the size of a human palm.
The bones are hardening, and the skull is too large to be passed through
the cannula and tubing. The abortionist alternates between cutting and
tearing the fetus into pieces and vacuuming out the contents of the uterus.
The skull of the baby must be crushed with forceps and drawn out
carefully, because the jagged pieces of bone can tear the cervix. This
procedure is used most often in late abortions for two reasons: (1) it is
believed to be safer for the woman, and (2) it ensures that the baby will
be delivered dead. The risks of bleeding, infection, and perforation of
the uterus are much higher than in a first-trimester abortion.
2. Saline
Because of the high incidence of maternal deaths, and live births of
severely damaged babies, saline is rarely used anymore. Saline abortion
is generally done after the 16th week of pregnancy, when there is enough
amniotic fluid surrounding the baby. A long needle is inserted through the
mother's abdomen directly into the amniotic sac. Some of the amniotic fluid
is drawn out and replaced with a strong saline (salt) solution.
The saline is absorbed into the lungs and the digestive tract of the
baby. The outer layer of skin is burned off by the high concentration of
salt. It is a long poisoning process, and the baby dies slowly.
The woman suffers discomfort during this procedure. She can feel the baby
struggle and sometimes go into convulsions. Saline solution also brings on
labor, although other drugs are often used to speed labor. She will
generally be in labor about 12 hours after the injection. This means that
the woman is hospitalized overnight. Women are often left alone to deliver
the aborted child. This can be an emotionally devastating experience.
Serious complications can occur with saline abortions. The saline solution
causes a drastic change in the woman's blood-clotting ability. This means
that it is very hard to stop any bleeding. If hemorrhaging occurs, the
woman can die. Blood and amniotic fluid can embolize to the woman's lungs
and/or brain, causing death. There is also a very high risk of infection
following a saline abortion.
3. Prostaglandin Abortions
Prostaglandin is a synthetic hormone. It is usually injected into the
womb and works by bringing on labor and causing the mother to deliver
prematurely.
It causes severe nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea. It produces a very
irregular or violent labor that can be both painful and frightening. A more
serious complication after 20 weeks' gestation is rupture of the uterus,
which occurs because of the violence of the labor. This can result in
hemorrhage, hysterectomy, and death.
Although this method may seem less dangerous than saline, often living,
very premature babies are delivered. Usually they do not live long;
however, some abortionists leave them to die, or kill them directly,
rather than transfer them to neonatal units where they can be cared for
properly. With the lifting of restrictions on federal funding of fetal
tissue research, these living children have been "harvested" for their
organs.
4. Hysterotomy
This is much like a Caesarean section. The abortionist cuts through the
abdomen and uterus, and removes the live baby. Various methods are used to
kill the child. Many babies who are aborted by hysterotomy are old enough
to survive if they were given proper medical treatment.
Hysterotomy is very rarely used, but this may change with the lifting
of the ban on federal funding of fetal tissue research. It is also the
riskiest of the abortion methods. It involves major surgery and, therefore,
has much higher complication rates. Because of the risks and ethical issues
involved in handling a live fetus, many abortionists refuse to perform
hysterotomies. Legally, however, hysterotomies can be performed up to the
end of the pregnancy.
In presenting the facts about abortion, it is important not to frighten
or pressure the woman. Do not exaggerate the risks or play on her fears.
Give her the facts, and allow the Lord to change her heart.
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EMOTIONAL ASPECTS OF ABORTION
The emotional and psychological aftermath of abortion is usually ignored or
downplayed. It is important to warn women about the possibility of
emotional difficulties after an abortion, and to be sure to give her a
phone number she can call if she is having any difficulties. Share with
her some of the symptoms that are common among post-abortive women.
* Depression: numbness, not being able to feel anything, withdrawal
from others, frequent crying, suicidal thoughts or actions.
* Guilt and/or remorse: preoccupation with the baby, avoidance of
pregnant women, babies, etc.
* Sleep disturbances: nightmares, sleeplessness, or sleeping too much.
* Anger, directed at themselves (leading to self-destructive behavior)
or at others.
* Increased use of drugs, alcohol, food, etc., to escape the pain.
* Sexual dysfunction: decreased sexual desire, fear or anxiety every
time a man touches her, pain with intercourse.
* Mourning: grieving over the child, often in dysfunctional ways, such
as getting pregnant again to replace the child who was lost to abortion.
Abortion is the loss of a child. When a woman has a miscarriage,
stillbirth, or a child who dies shortly after birth, her friends and
family gather around her to give her support and comfort while she mourns
her loss. Although the loss of a child is always painful, she is at least
allowed to grieve openly. Women who have abortions do not get this support.
They do not grieve openly, and they may feel complicit in the death of the
child. It is very important that women know that the crisis pregnancy
centers will help them with any post-abortion problems they may
experience.
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END WITH EVANGELISM
Any counseling that separates the woman and her decision from the Lord is
defeating. We are called to be the salt and light of the world. Our job as
sidewalk counselors could be better described as that of crisis
evangelists.
Matthew 28:19-20 Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in
heaven and earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples
of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son
and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have
commanded you. And surely I am with you always to the very end of the age."
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ALTERNATIVES
There are alternatives to abortion, and generally the best place for these
alternatives to be discussed is the crisis pregnancy center. However, each
sidewalk counselor should be aware of alternatives to abortion. Because the
atmosphere on the street in front of the clinic is usually very stressful,
this is not the proper place to discuss alternatives. The crisis pregnancy
center with its stable, safe environment is the most appropriate place for
the discussion of alternatives.
1. Foster care
The placement of the child in a temporary home until a final decision
about placement can be reached. Foster care buys the woman time to make a
decision or to change circumstances in her life. It is not the best
alternative for the child and should be kept as brief as possible.
2. Adoption
Adoption is a permanent placement of the child. This can be done through
an agency or independently; it can be an open or closed adoption
arrangement. Often the birth mother can choose who will adopt her child.
3. Keeping the baby
Some women will decide to continue the pregnancy and raise the child
themselves.
Whatever the woman chooses to do-foster care, adoption, or raising her
child-we must allow her to make the choice with the support and counsel of
people she trusts. This is why the crisis pregnancy centers are so
important. They are specially trained to help women make these decisions,
and then support women in their decisions.
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ABORTIONISTS' VIEW OF CHRISTIANS
Planned Parenthood and other abortion providers are trained to be
professionally friendly, and to appear to be the woman's best support
during a crisis pregnancy. Please be aware of this when you are talking
with a woman.
One in six abortions is performed on a woman who considers herself to be an
evangelical Christian. Planned Parenthood and other abortion providers are
adept at persuading these women to have abortions.
Terry Beresford wrote a training manual for Planned Parenthood that is the
recommended manual for training all abortion counselors. What she says
about Christians is very telling:
Women who are Catholic, Southern Baptist or Mormon are the most likely to
feel deep concern about their religious beliefs and the questions raised by
contraceptive practice, pregnancy, childrearing, and abortion. You will
want to distinguish between two types of religious concern. The majority of
Catholic women (to choose Catholicism for our example) are just like all
other women you counsel. They feel doubt and uncertainty about values and
ethics; they are facing a difficult decision that has no absolute right
answer; they feel ambivalence; they have concerns not only about pregnancy,
but about family attitudes and traditions, self-image, their relationships
and their sexuality. They may express their anxieties and fears largely in
religious terms, but as you explore feelings with them, it becomes clear to
you and to them that much of their feeling is because they are human rather
than because they are Catholic.
A small number of women will be distressed because their beliefs, their
education, and their upbringing have made them rigid personalities, prone
to obsessive behaviors and feelings. They tend to suffer unduly from guilt
in all aspects of their lives, and to be in constant fear of punishment
and retribution. They are often the product of parochial schools and an
authoritarian and restrictive, repressive home life.
You may be alerted by a single-mindedness in the woman's thought processes
or talk. She may repeat words like sin, evil, destroy, suffer, punish and
guilty many times with much feeling. She may speak little of her feelings
but appear exceptionally rigid in body postures and gestures. Her problem
is not her religious beliefs but her "religiosity" and rigidity of
personality. This woman may need referral for more extensive counseling. A
pastoral counseling center with a pro-choice philosophy or a priest or
cleric with training as a therapist would be a suitable referral.
In his book The Abortion Practice, Warren Hern (the "father" of the
"dilation and evacuation" abortion method) states:
Women with strong religious backgrounds hostile to abortion sometimes seek
abortion for eminently practical reasons. There are a wide variety of
attitudes concerning abortion among the many religious traditions and among
the practitioners of each religious tradition. For some patients, it is
enough to point out that religions differ in their views. For others, it
may be helpful to have literature available from the Religious Coalition
for Abortion Rights and Catholics for a Free Choice. I have helped Catholic
women find understanding priests with whom they can discuss their conflicts
and feelings about abortion.
In this situation, it is most helpful to the woman to support her in
determining how she feels about abortion and whether it is in her own best
interest as well as the interest of others to have the abortion. These
women, above all, should be made aware of all alternatives. Frequently,
fear of discovery of their pregnancy if they continue it outweighs their
fear of going against religious precepts.
A poignant experience in abortion is counseling someone who has been
actively opposed to abortion or who has family members actively opposed to
abortion. Anti-choice activists frequently have morbid fears and
imaginations concerning the fate of the fetus or their own risk of death.
People from highly conservative or traditional religious backgrounds
frequently feel overwhelming guilt at having had sex or even considering
abortion. With these patients, it is desirable to be especially supportive,
particularly as they work through their excessive sense of guilt,
emphasizing that no one else can make the decision for them but that making
a decision to have an abortion does not mean that they are "bad" people.
In Hamlet, the Prince of Denmark said, "I must be cruel only to be kind."
Unfortunately, this is how many pro-life activists appear to the abortion
clinic's escorts, workers, doctors, and the abortion-bound mothers. The
shouts of "Please don't kill your baby; if you kill your baby, you are
going to burn in hell" and "The blood is on your hands" are not terms of
endearment. Statements such as these make us look like cold, uncaring,
judgmental people who have a concern only for the baby. True, we do not
wish to see that baby killed, but we must remember that if we do not
change the hearts of the moms, and the hearts of the abortion workers,
we will not help that baby.
When we appear to be concerned only with the baby, we validate everything
that abortion industry has told the mother. If we do not show unconditional
love, the mother who is experiencing a crisis pregnancy will find a place
and people who will "love" her and care about her. Unfortunately, that
place is inside the abortuary. Christians have a legacy of "emotional
brutality" to overcome. We have been portrayed as harsh, unloving judges.
When we shout at the moms and the abortion workers, we only perpetuate
this belief . . . and we make it a fact. Everything we do should be done
in love and with gentleness. We are called to make disciples of all the
world, not to judge and berate them.
I Corinthians 31:1, 4-7 If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but
have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal . . . Love
is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not
proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it
keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with
the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."
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THE CHICAGO METHOD
The Chicago method is simply handing out a list of medical malpractice
suits against a specific clinic, as well as deaths that have occurred
there. This involves a little research at your local courthouse, but it
is time well spent.
Abortion is a selfish act. By the time a woman gets to the clinic for her
abortion, she has emotionally distanced herself from the child she is
carrying. It does little good to address the humanity of her child or the
inhumanity of abortion. The Chicago method appeals to the woman's instinct
for self-preservation. Although she may not want to be pregnant, she does
not want to be hurt, and she certainly does not want to die.
The Chicago method also reaches the clinic workers. The average clinic
worker does not know that there are medical malpractice suits against the
clinic where she works. Although a worker may accuse you of lying when you
first hand her a list of lawsuits, it will often be the start of her
questioning what she sees at her clinic. Once a worker begins to question
what she is experiencing, the fabric of lies and half-truths begins to
unravel.
For more information on the Chicago method, you can contact: Pro-Life
Action League; 6160 North Cicero Avenue; Chicago, IL 60646; or telephone
312-777-2900.
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ROLE PLAY
When you are in front of an abortion facility, you have about 10 seconds to
engage the woman in conversation. Usually you will only have time to hand
her a piece of literature. However, it is important to know what to say
when a woman does stop to talk with you.
There are no formulas for the right thing to say in a given circumstance.
We have put together some responses to statements that we have heard at
the clinics. Our responses may not be appropriate for your situation. It
is important that you not rely on a scripted answer-each woman, each
situation, is different and requires a different response.
Always remember that we are called to obedience, not to results. You may
be in front of a clinic for months with no one even accepting a piece of
literature. It is easy to lose hope when we feel like we aren't making a
difference. However, you do make a difference every time you are out at an
abortion facility. We must be steadfast, committed, and firm in the faith.
1. I'm too young to be pregnant. It's safer to have an abortion at my
age than to have a baby.
* This is a good time to show her the list of medical malpractice
suits against the clinic. The suits make it clear that abortion is not a
safe procedure.
* Explain the risks of abortion and talk about the complications of
abortion. Do not do this in a manner that frightens the young woman.
* Find out what assistance she would need to continue her pregnancy,
and encourage her to go to the crisis pregnancy center for further
counseling.
2. I'll lose my boyfriend (or husband) if I have this baby.
* Find out if this is what her boyfriend (or husband) has actually
said, or if this is her supposition.
* Focus on how she feels (not how he feels) about the pregnancy and
about abortion.
* Encourage her to go for further counseling at the crisis
pregnancy center before making a final decision.
3. I'll lose my job if I don't have this abortion.
* There are very few jobs that will be lost due to a pregnancy-it
is illegal to terminate a woman's employment because she is pregnant.
* Find out who has told her that she would lose her job.
* Encourage her to go to the crisis pregnancy center for further
counseling.
4. I'm not bringing a baby into the world that I can't take care of. I
want to wait until I have my life together and can afford the best.
* Explain the risk of complications (both physical and emotional)
of abortion to her. Do not try to frighten her, but inform her that she may
not be able to have a baby later in her life.
* Find out what her main concern is regarding the care of her baby.
In many cases her concerns are very practical and easily addressed.
* Remind her that during the first trimester she may have many
conflicting emotions due to hormonal changes. Ask her to tell you about a
time when she felt like she could continue the pregnancy and provide for her
child.
* Refer her to the crisis pregnancy center for counseling.
5. Having a baby now would really mess up my mind. I just can't handle
it emotionally-I'll go crazy.
* Ask her to explain why she feels that she would "go crazy."
* Explain the emotional complications of abortion to her.
* Attempt to find out what type of support she would need to
continue the pregnancy.
* Refer her to the crisis pregnancy center for further counseling
and offer to go with her. She may well need some support to make the first
steps.
6. I know lots of girls who had abortions-they're fine now.
* Tell her about post-abortion syndrome and explain that it can
often take years for the symptoms to be-come apparent.
* Tell her the symptoms of post-abortion syndrome- she may well
see that some of her friends are having problems from their abortions.
* Tell her the risks and complications of abortion and show her the
list of medical malpractice suits against the clinic and the doctor.
* Refer her to the crisis pregnancy center for further counseling.
7. I don't want any children-I'll probably get my tubes tied when I
have the abortion.
* Remind her that the first trimester of pregnancy is a very
emotional time because of hormonal changes.
* Tell her the risks and complications of abortion.
* Refer her to the crisis pregnancy center for further counseling.
8. If I were further along I wouldn't have an abortion, but at this
point it doesn't even look human.
* Show her pictures of fetal development. This is probably not a
good time to show pictures of aborted babies.
* Tell her the risks and complications of abortion.
* Encourage her to go to the crisis pregnancy center for further
counseling.
9. I'm afraid that the baby will be deformed, and I can't stand the
thought of bringing a handicapped child into the world.
* Ask her if she will tell you why she is afraid the baby will be
deformed. Many first-time mothers have this same fear during the first
trimester of pregnancy.
* Try to find the root or main cause of her fears regarding her pregnancy.
Find out if she is really concerned that the child will be deformed.
* Refer her to the crisis pregnancy center for additional counseling.
10. I know it's killing, but God will forgive me.
* Share scripture with her about what God says about child killing. Do
not "cram" scripture down her throat; be loving, kind, and gentle.
* Offer to pray with her about her decision to abort.
* Find out what circumstances have led her to believe that abortion is
her only option; address these concerns.
* Refer her to the crisis pregnancy center for further counseling.
11. I don't even know who the father of the baby is. I can't bring a child
into the world who won't know who his father is.
* Explain to her that everybody's life has static.
* See if you can gently get her to realize that God is the Father of
all-including her unborn child.
* Try and find out if she has any other needs that can be directly
addressed.
* Refer her to the crisis pregnancy center for further counseling.
12. The people in my church would never understand. It would destroy
my Christian witness; God wouldn't want me to do that.
* Gently go over the scriptures on how God feels about abortion.
* Remind her that when the choice is between pleasing God or pleasing men,
it is better to please God-He is more apt to remember.
* Find out what her emotional and practical needs are, if any.
* Find out what role her parents are playing in the abortion decision.
* Offer to pray with her about her decision.
* Encourage her to take some more time to pray about her decision to have
an abortion.
* Refer her to the crisis pregnancy center for further counseling.
13. I know girls who had babies at my age, and it really messed up their
lives. It will ruin my whole life if I have a baby now.
* Ask her to explain how it will ruin her life.
* Find out if she is aware of the other options. The street, however, is
not the place to discuss adoption. Many young women would rather have an
abortion than give up a child for adoption. The most appropriate place
for discussing alternatives is at the crisis pregnancy center. Often the
atmosphere on the street, in front of the abortion facility, is too
confusing and too stressful for any meaningful counseling to take place.
* Attempt to find out what she would need to feel competent to continue
the pregnancy.
* Find out what, if any, support she has in her home environment, and
what kind of supplementary support is needed to continue the pregnancy.
* Refer her to the crisis pregnancy center for further counseling.
14. I had an abortion before and didn't have any problems.
* Repeat abortion is a symptom that there is a problem. Alice
Miller calls it the repetition compulsion-continually repeating the same
trauma hoping for a different outcome.
* Ask her when she had her abortion. It is possible that this is a
"replacement pregnancy."
* Find out why she doesn't want to continue the pregnancy-are the reasons
the same as the reasons for her previous abortion? If so, are there needs
that can be addressed by the pro-life community?
* Encourage her to take a little more time with her decision. Refer her
to the crisis pregnancy center for further counseling.
15. If I have a baby now it will be bad for my other children. They don't
get enough attention as it is. I am afraid I will abuse them.
* Fear of abusing her children is a red flag that she is having a
difficult time coping. She may just need some time away from her children
of "recharge." Babysitting is a very practical means of support and a
ministry in itself.
* Find out if she is currently abusing her children and refer her
for the appropriate assistance if that is the case.
* Encourage her to go to the crisis pregnancy center quickly; this
is not the type of situation to address on the street in front of an
abortion facility.
16. We have AIDS.
* It is important that you know at least the minimal information
about AIDS. Approximately 50% of the children born to HIV-infected mothers
are not infected with the AIDS virus. This is information that is not
generally shared with the woman. Society has taken the stand that it is
better to abort these children than risk that a child will be born with
HIV.
* Encourage her to go to the crisis pregnancy center. Again, this
is not the type of counseling to attempt on the street in front of an
abortion facility.
17. My parents want me to have an abortion, and I think I should do
whatever they want. It would kill them if I had a baby.
* Attempt to find out how she feels about being pregnant and having
a child.
* Affirm any positive reasons she gives for having a child.
* Remind her that this is her choice and she will be the one who lives
with the consequences of her decision, not her parents.
* Refer her to the crisis pregnancy center for further counseling.
They are better equipped to counsel the young woman and her parents. The
street, in front of the abortion facility, is not the place to start
family counseling.
18. I have a history of gestational diabetes (kidney disease, cancer, etc.)
and my doctor recommended an abortion.
* Find out how she feels about her pregnancy and the possibility of having
a child. Affirm any positive feelings she expresses.
* Find out if she has talked with another doctor for a second opinion.
Gently inform her that doctors often recommend an abortion to cover
themselves and protect themselves from future litigation.
* Refer her to the Crisis Pregnancy Center for further counseling
and referrals to pro-life doctors.
19. I'm on crack. I don't want to have a baby with problems.
* If she stops using crack now her child will probably be fine by the
time he's born.
* Find out how she would feel about continuing the pregnancy if the child
were not going to be affected by her cocaine use.
* Refer her to the crisis pregnancy center for further counseling.
Again, this is not the type of issue that is best addressed at the doors of
the abortuary.
20. My husband is not the father of this baby, and the father of the
baby is not the same race as my husband.
* This is a red flag that the marriage is not in very good shape.
* Find out how she feels about the possibility of having a child.
Affirm any positive feelings she has.
Refer her to the crisis pregnancy center for further counseling. They are
better equipped to handle this situation and to refer the woman for
appropriate counseling. Again, this is not the type of situation to address
at the doors of the clinic.
21. I came from an abusive home and I'm afraid to bring my baby into
that kind of situation.
* While it is true that some people who grow up in abusive homes become
abusers themselves, it is not true for everyone. The fact that she is
aware of the possibility makes it much less likely that she would abuse her
child.
* Attempt to find out if there are any other reasons that she is having the
abortion (is she in an abusive relationship? Are there financial or
social pressures leading her to choose abortion?).
* Ask her how she feels about the pregnancy and how she feels about having
a child. Affirm her positive feelings.
* Remind her that many first-time mothers have mixed emotions during their
pregnancy. Find out if she has had times when she felt that she could
successfully continue the pregnancy.
* Refer her to the crisis pregnancy center for further counseling.
22. I was raped; I am not having the rapist's child.
* It is important for you to realize that by telling you about the rape,
she is placing her trust in you.
* Often the abortion can feel very much like the rape.
* Please be especially sensitive and gentle with the rape victim. This is
not the time to tell her about a friend, or someone else you know, who
carried a pregnancy conceived by rape to term and is a better person for
it. She needs for you to hear how she feels, not have you tell her how
someone else felt, or how she should feel.
* Take a step away from her when she tells you that she was raped so that
she will have space and feel that she is in control.
* Let her direct the conversation. Don't push for information or details.
She has had a loss of control and needs to feel that she is in control of
something.
* Ask her if she has had any rape counseling aside from the counseling she
received at the clinic. Be prepared to refer her for post-rape counseling.
It is extremely important that you have a trained rape counselor who is
willing to see rape and/or incest survivors for free. Otherwise your only
referral source will be the local feminist organizations, who are
pro-abortion.
* Often, women who have been raped cannot imagine bearing the
rapist's child. It does little good to offer pat answers such as "The baby
is the innocent victim" or "Why punish the child for the sins of the
father?" Notice that the person who is conspicuously absent in both of these
statements is the woman, who is also the innocent victim. It is far better
to ask her, for her own sake, to go for rape counseling prior to making any
decision. Remember, the uterus is a very strong muscle; you cannot reach
through it. You must reach the woman to reach the child.
* Empower her. Tell her that you are impressed with how well she is
handling this situation (the fact that she is up and walking around after
a rape is impressive).
* Do not, under any circumstances, discuss alternatives with the rape
survivor.
* Do not attempt to discuss this on the street in front of the abortion
facility. Try to get this woman to a crisis pregnancy center quickly,
where there is a low-stress, safe environment.
* Please do not attempt to address the spiritual issues at this
time. The spiritual issues should be left to a Christian counselor who has
the time and training to walk through this with the woman. It is very easy
to do further damage to the rape survivor by over-spiritualizing your
counseling on the streets.
* Rape counseling is a very specialized field; it is important that we not
cause further harm to the rape survivor. This is why it is very important
that she talk with a Christian counselor who specializes in rape
counseling.
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CONCLUSION
We hope that some of these suggestions are helpful. There is no way that we
can adequately address every situation that can occur at the abortion
facility. However, if you go out with a spirit of love, and you treat the
women with respect, you will be planting seeds for harvest.
When we approach the abortion mills, we need to act as Christ would act.
Christ is our supreme example of living, and everything He did, He did in
love. We do not represent a denomination, we do not represent a small
group, we do not represent a church. When we are in front of the abortuaries, we
are representing Christ. Christ said that all those who were heavily laden
should come to Him, and He will give them rest. As Christians, whatever
denomination we lay claim to, we represent Christ in us. This means that
people should be able to come to us without fear of judgement, anger or
rejection.
The abortuaries are mission fields, and they should be treated as such. If
we cannot show the love of God in front of the clinics, how can we blame
the mothers in crisis, the abortionists, or the clinic workers for not
listening to what we say? Actions speak louder than words; it may be a
cliche, but it is true. An unkind word uttered in front of the abortuaries
is remembered for a very long time . . . the negative is always remembered
longer than anything positive. So, go forth and preach the Gospel, with
love.
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A Note From Holly Trimble
author of Healing Post-Abortion Trauma
I think it crucial to stress the importance of having literature to give to
those approaching the clinic. Many women will take literature even though
they will not engage in a meaningful conversation with the counselor. I
think it is important to have two pieces of literature to give to women:
literature showing pictures of prenatal development (showing the embryos
and fetuses whole, not mangled) and literature written by women who have
had abortions detailing the short- and long-range complications of
abortion. One of those pieces of literature should have the phone number
of a crisis pregnancy center on it so that the woman will have a number
to call if she walks out of the clinic.
Second, the sidewalk counselor should not assume that the person bringing
the girl or woman to the clinic really wants her to have an abortion.
Several times when I was sidewalk counseling, shortly after people had
entered the clinic the person bringing the woman came out to wait for the
procedure to be performed. I found they were very receptive to what I had
to say about abortion. In fact, I can think of three instances where the
person who had accompanied the woman went back into the clinic to try to
dissuade her from having the abortion.
Third, I think it's important to address the situation where the girl or
woman validly fears abuse. I personally know girls and women who were
threatened with violence if they ever got pregnant or if they refused to
abort. In the cases I know about, these girls and women had been previously
seriously abused. The sidewalk counselor should know what kind of help is
available for girls and women in this situation and have in mind how they
would handle this type of crisis.
Lastly, a phrase I found to be effective is "You don't have to do this."
Girls and women in crisis situations may have been told by those closest to
them or feel, because of their circumstances, that they have to have an
abortion. The simple refutation of this may be enough to get a girl or
woman looking for a way out, to listen and reconsider her options.
I also don't think we should assume that abortion is always a selfish act.
On the surface, it would seem obvious and true that abortion is always
selfish. However, we cannot assume that every girl or woman going in for an
abortion has a selfish motive. She may have been convinced that others whom
she loves (parents, spouse, boyfriend, other children), will come to great
harm if she refuses to have an abortion. Although she may want to carry her
child to term, she may have been told that that would be the selfish thing
to do-that she is only thinking about what she wants and not considering
the other people in her life if she balks at pressure to have an abortion.
If she is ignorant about fetal development and abortion (and particularly
if she is young), she may not have the inner resources to refute this often
very powerful argument for abortion. Sidewalk counselors need to be aware
that this dynamic is sometimes involved in a decision for abortion. If this
is the case, the girl or woman needs to be shown that it will hurt her baby
far more if she aborts than it will hurt other people if she carries to
term. She may be particularly receptive to information about fetal
development, the dangers of abortion and what kind of help is available.
We highly recommend Healing Post-Abortion Trauma for individuals who
counsel women victimized by abortion. The booklet is available for $3.00
plus S&H from American Life League. Please contact our Educational
Resources Department for more information.
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