Celebrate Life May-June 1995, p. 14
ADOPTION--A POSITIVE OPTION
By Joan Dower Kosmachuk
EVERY YEAR MORE THAN one million teenagers become pregnant and have
to make a choice concerning the future of their child. Many choose
abortion, and many more choose to parent, while fewer than five
percent choose adoption.
Thirty to forty years ago, 80 percent of pregnant teenagers were
placing their babies for adoption because it was the accepted thing to
do. Single parents were not accepted in our society until recently,
placing pressure on young women to turn to adoption rather than face
the stigma and lack of support offered by society. Often the young
mother was sent out of town so that no one would know she was
pregnant. Frequently she was pressured into relinquishing her child
and urged to forget the whole experience. Often she did not even see
her baby. Adoption was usually shrouded in secrecy without regard for
the feelings and emotional well-being of the birth mother or adult
adoptee. Rarely did birth parents receive information about their
child or the adopting family, and rarely was good medical and social
information passed on to the adoptee. It is no wonder so many birth
mothers regret the decision that was made for them concerning
adoption. It is no wonder that so many adoptees now search for their
family heritage.
Today, the stigma attached to unmarried motherhood has almost
disappeared. Instead, there is family, peer, and social pressure on a
young birth mother to live as a single parent. Financial and emotional
support for single parents has increased. A young birth mother wanting
to consider adoption often feels unable to face the opposition from her
family and friends. She does not want to be labeled "uncaring." Often
she will see abortion as her only other alternative because she is
unable emotionally to bear the burden of being a single parent. Many
people still have misconceptions about adoption based on stories they
have heard from the past. Many still believe the myth that only birth
mothers who don't love their babies give them away.
Being a single parent is one pro-life option for pregnant single
women. Adoption is the other. But when I talk to people who have not
been personally touched by adoption, I find that their understanding
of the whole process is usually extremely limited.
Adoption has changed. The needs of the birth parents receive more
consideration nowadays; adoption practices have become more humane,
resulting in better psychological satisfaction and adjustment for
adoptees, birth parents and adopting couples.
For most birth parents today, adoption is a choice they make after
looking at all the options and considering what is in the best
interests of their child. It is a choice made in love and, to be
honest, with great pain. The relinquishment of a child will mean both
physical and emotional loss, and a grieving period is inevitable. Too
often, this pain is mistakenly viewed as an indication that adoption
was not the right choice, instead of acknowledging that it is a normal
reaction to loss. As one birth mother so eloquently put it, "You
choose to hurt for your child's sake."
I am proud of what pro-life supporters have done to expose the myths
surrounding abortion. We are educating the church, and indeed society
as a whole, about the fact that the fetus is a person who deserves our
protection. We are making known the psychological illness known as
"post-abortion syndrome" and generally are proving to society that the
"quick fix" of abortion is not a solution after all.
We are working to change the laws. We are teaching the Church that we
must love the young, unmarried, pregnant woman, and we must show her
that there is forgiveness available to her, and that it is not
conditional on marriage to the birth father. We are accepting the
single mother and offering her our practical and emotional support.
May I encourage you to give equal time and attention to exposing the
myths surrounding adoption, to educating the church, and indeed
society as a whole, that adoption is a viable alternative that should
be presented as a positive, loving option for every single pregnant
teenager.
Joan Dower Kosmachuk lives in Ontario.
WAYS OF PRESENTING ADOPTION AS A POSITIVE ALTERNATIVE
Education about adoption practices today is desperately needed if
adoption is ever to become a completely accepted practice and an
attractive option in our society. As a pro-lifer you can have a vital
role in presenting adoption as a positive alternative. I would like to
encourage you to:
1. Become informed. Adoption is changing. Do some research. Read some
current books on adoption. Write to the adoption agencies in your
community for information on how they operate. Talk to adoptive
parents, to adoptees, and to birth parents who have placed their
babies for adoption. Understand the law. Each country, state and
province has its own adoption laws.
2. Use positive language. Terms such as "real mother" and "natural
parents" may confuse. The woman who gives birth to a child is the
birth mother. The parents --whether they are the physical parents or
adoptive parents--who raise a child are the mother and father. It is
not a matter of "giving your baby away" vs. "keeping your baby." Birth
parents are planning for their child's future.
3. Be supportive of birth parents who have made an adoption plan, or
who are going through the grieving process. Be supportive of infertile
couples who are working through the adoption process, and be sensitive
to the needs of newly adoptive parents who are adjusting to their new
role. Be supportive of adoptees who are searching for their birth
parents.
4. Support your local adoption agency. Most agencies welcome
invitations to speak to church groups or to high school youth to
promote adoption. Offer to place their brochures in your local
doctor's office, drugstore, library, church pamphlet rack, etc.
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