Son Shines After Mother's Acceptance
By Elizabeth Foss

There is a child in my life who delights in bringing me tiny treasures he has found - a 
perfectly shaped leaf, a dandelion, a shiny rock, a smooth stone. He notices the smallest 
details of his world and shares them with me with a shy smile. He will turn four this 
week, and it is this child who has taught me the most about mothering; indeed, he has 
taught me the most about life itself. And I know that the lessons are not nearly over.

When he was born, I regarded this child as nothing less than a miracle, a sign that I was 
being granted a second chance at life. He was the child born after I had cancer. His 
early days were quiet. He loved to be held and carried, and to nurse. When he was in 
my arms, even strangers commented about what a content baby he was. 

As he grew, he was anything but content. Unhappy in anyone's arms but mine, in any 
other setting than home, he was a difficult child to parent. Since my first son had been 
nothing like this one, I was plunged into a sea of doubt and despair. What was I doing 
wrong? Why was he so unhappy so often? How could I mediate in order to convey to 
other people how wonderful he was? Did I really believe he was wonderful? 

My prayers were for patience and for understanding. I wanted desperately to know 
what made this child tick and to know why life seemed so difficult to him. At the same 
time, life was becoming increasingly difficult to me. He hated to go shopping, to go 
visiting, to go to church. Anyplace crowded or strange was an obstacle to overcome or 
avoid, not an adventure to be embraced. Birthday parties, which delighted other 2- and 
3-year-olds, overwhelmed him. The bombardment of sensory experiences - songs, 
games, food, even the bright lights and animated characters of children's amusements , 
were a personal hell for this child. He curled up into himself and searched for a quiet 
corner until the party was over, or he cried so violently that we had to leave. 

We discovered that food allergies played a large role in his inability to process stimuli, 
but that was just the tip of the iceberg. Quite simply, his temperament is such that he 
marches to the beat of his own drummer, and sometimes I can't hear the drum. It took 
so long for me to truly understand what this meant in our lives. I tried and tried to 
manipulate his environment, and actually, the child himself, to make him what I 
expected him to be. 

The true fruit of my prayers for patience and understanding was the moment, real and 
palpable, when I suddenly understood that I needed to accept this child as he was. I 
needed to acknowledge deep within my heart that he was God's creation, not mine. 

Almost as soon as I stopped fighting and started expressing my acceptance to him, I 
noticed such exceptional qualities. And my love for him blossomed into a flower of rare 
and singular beauty. With greater understanding of my son came the ripples of greater 
understanding of myself and of my husband. 

I am beginning to see that his challenges are also his blessings - for both of us. This little 
boy's extreme sensitivity (the experts call it "sensory integration disorder") has fostered 
compassion and tenderness seldom seen in a child. He has the pain and the joy that 
come with these gifts. 

Sometimes, I am moved to tears when I contemplate the struggles that still lie ahead of 
him. I pray that there will always be people in his life who truly know him, and truly 
love him. I pray that with the pain, there will also be poetry. I can't express how 
grateful I am to know him and to be a part of his life. He has touched me, challenged 
me and rewarded me more than I ever thought possible. I look forward to watching 
him grow. And to growing with him. 

Foss is a freelance writer living in Springfield. 

This article appeared in the May 9, 1996 issue of "The Arlington Catholic Herald."

Courtesy of the "Arlington Catholic Herald" diocesan newspaper of the Arlington (VA) 
diocese. For subscription information, call 1-800-377-0511  or write 200 North Glebe 
Road, Suite 607 Arlington, VA 22203.

Copyright (c) 1996 EWTN

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