Independent Submission A. Farrel
Request for Comments: 8140 Old Dog Consulting
Category: Informational 1 April 2017
ISSN: 2070-1721
The Arte of ASCII: Or, An True and Accurate Representation of an
Menagerie of Thynges Fabulous and Wonderful in Ye Forme of Character
Abstract
Ever since Gutenberg discovered and patented ASCII and the
corresponding "Courier New" font with its now-famous "ten" point
size, artisans and artificers have striven to represent their views
of the world in print.
Similarly, starting from Darwin's discovery of the hippogriff and his
subsequent registration of the creature as an International Trade
Mark, men (and some women) have struggled to catalog the fabulous
variety that is called "nature".
This document supplies a number of representations of all manner of
things (both elemental and hypothetical) supplied by some of our best
collectors of curios and delivered in a manner that may well be
reused by the cunning document author.
Status of This Memo
This document is not an Internet Standards Track specification; it is
published for informational purposes.
This is a contribution to the RFC Series, independently of any other
RFC stream. The RFC Editor has chosen to publish this document at
its discretion and makes no statement about its value for
implementation or deployment. Documents approved for publication by
the RFC Editor are not a candidate for any level of Internet
Standard; see Section 2 of RFC 7841.
Information about the current status of this document, any errata,
and how to provide feedback on it may be obtained at
http://www.rfc-editor.org/info/rfc8140.
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Copyright Notice
Copyright (c) 2017 IETF Trust and the persons identified as the
document authors. All rights reserved.
This document is subject to BCP 78 and the IETF Trust's Legal
Provisions Relating to IETF Documents
(http://trustee.ietf.org/license-info) in effect on the date of
publication of this document. Please review these documents
carefully, as they describe your rights and restrictions with respect
to this document.
Table of Contents
1. Introduction . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 2
2. Beasts of the Land . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3
2.1. The Troll . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3
2.2. The Unicorn Rampant . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4
3. Creatures of the Deep . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5
3.1. The Loch Ness Monster . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5
3.2. The Marlynne or Sword Fishe . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 6
4. Spirits of the Air . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7
4.1. Ze Vompyre . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7
4.2. Avian Carriers . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 8
5. Man-Made Structures . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9
5.1. Bauhaus . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9
5.2. The Gingerbread House . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10
6. IANA Considerations . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 11
7. Security Considerations . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 11
7.1. A Private Key . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 11
7.2. A Security Mechanism . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 12
7.3. Backdoors . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 13
8. Manageability Considerations . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 14
9. Morality Considerations . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 14
9.1. Likelihood of Misuse by the Depraved . . . . . . . . . . 14
9.2. Likelihood of Misuse by the Misguided . . . . . . . . . . 15
9.3. Likelihood of Misuse by Corporations . . . . . . . . . . 15
9.4. Oversight Facilities . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15
9.5. Other Ways of Doing Things . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15
9.6. Concern for Wildlife . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15
10. References That May Be Informative to Those Who Know How To
Read Them . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15
Acknowledgements . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 16
Author's Address . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 16
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1. Introduction
Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, where princes were
available to those who knew how to kiss, and frogs could be picked up
by the handful and were sold in brown paper bags at the shop on the
corner of your street, there was an impish discovery made by the
appropriately named Johannes Gensfleisch zur Laden zum Gutenberg.
His name, it turned out, was coincidentally fortuitous for when he
uncovered the Gutenberg Press he was able to claim it as his own.
Amongst Gutenberg's better known discoveries were the ten point font,
the Courier New Font (which he is supposed to have found growing in a
hedgerow close to his cottage), and the ASCII character set. All of
these have been embraced as comforting and warm blankets by the
engineers of the IETF as they embark on expeditions to plot the
desolated wastes of the Internet.
Although the RFC Editor has recently dragged the IETF kicking and
screaming into the twentieth century [RFC7990] [RFC7996], there is a
yearning among all right-thinking Internet architects to "keep it
simple" and to return to the olden days when pigs could be given
thrust without anyone taking undue offence [RFC1925]. This document
attempts to address that yearning by demonstrating the full wonder of
the natural world in vivid two-dimensional representation and a
colour palette that would put even the august L. S. Lowry to shame.
Readers of this document are encouraged to be familiar.
2. Beasts of the Land
"Many and wonderful are the beasts of the land" wrote the poet. And
he was right in some ways.
Of these many beasts, the most fabulous are the Troll and the
Unicorn. Here are reproduced representations of sightings in the
field.
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2.1. The Troll
The troll is an evil beast that frequently appears around the IETF.
It feeds alternately on passing goats and cookies, but it prefers
above all things the taste of distress, especially that expressed in
email.
Trolls should be shunned and never fed. Stories about them being
sensitive to water or light are unsubstantiated, but it may be true
that they can be pacified with alcohol.
The chief weapons of a Troll are its sharp tongue, its blunt
phrasing, and its total disregard for doing useful work.
.:\::::/:.
+-------------------+ .:\:\::/:/:.
| PLEASE DO NOT | :.:\:\::/:/:.:
| FEED THE TROLLS | :=.` - - '.=:
| | `=(\ 0 0 /)='
| Thank you, | ( (__) )
| The Management | .--`-vvvv-'--
+-------------------+ | |
| | / /( )\ \
| | / / ( /\ ) \ \
| | ( | / / \ \ | )
| | ^^ ( ( ) ) ^^
| | __\ \ / /__
| | `(______||______)'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Figure 1: The Troll at Feeding Time
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2.2. The Unicorn Rampant
Many things in the IETF rely on majick. Without pixie dust or other
artful contributions from the world of faerie, it is unlikely that
the Internet would work at all.
Software Defined Networking (SDN) is a concept whereby complex and
devious networks may be subjugated to the will of a sorcerer (or an
opensourcerer as they are sometimes know). Fundamental to the body
of an SDN is the Path Computation Element (PCE) [RFC7399]. Essential
to the proper function of the PCE is the Unicorn that roams the dark
wood of the Traffic Engineering Database, rearing up and spearing
unwitting paths on the horn of its intellect.
Unicorns, it is claimed, can only be captured by the pure of heart
who have never operated a real network.
.
|\
\\______
/ \ \_
/ O \ \
/ __ \ |
(__/ / \|
/ \____
__-- \__
--___/ \ ___
( ( __---- |-- \
|| ( \___ / /--. \
-\_\ \___( / / __/
\_\ \_ \_ | /
_/\__ _) \_\
/ __/ _/
|__/ _/
/__\__/
/__|
Figure 2: A Unicorn in Rampant State
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3. Creatures of the Deep
"Not all that crawls upon the land can rival the creatures of the
deep," said the great ethnographer and philanderer. And how often it
has been observed that he was both wise and drunk.
The things that slide below the surface of the water remain hidden to
most of us, a mystery no less than the ways of the elliptic curve.
Most elusive of all is the Loch Ness Monster; most peculiar is the
Marlynne.
3.1. The Loch Ness Monster
So rare are the sightings of this beast that we must count ourselves
lucky to have presented here a very real etching collected at great
expense from a native Scott.
The Loch Ness Monster appears most often on dark nights or in heavy
storms when the only thing that parts the fog is the rain that lashes
your face. Thus, the creature is most often visible when it can be
least well seen. In this respect, it is most like clear text in an
RFC, which is most easy to read and comprehend when it is least
written.
.
_______________________________________
.
Figure 3: The Loch Ness Monster On a Calm Day
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3.2. The Marlynne or Sword Fishe
Getting to the point is not always something that is practised in the
IETF. But there is one beast that Roams the Deeps and Never Sleeps:
The Marlynne, when hauled from its roost by an unsuspecting fisherman
for delivery to his equally unsuspecting fishwife has often been
mistaken for a very angry mermaid [MTFTW]. Do not mistake its sharp
wit for a valid argument.
As can be seen from the rendition here presented, the Marlynne is
happy in its work.
__
\ \
-- __) \_____
\ \ / \
\ \./ o \
/ .. __=====---
/ / \ \
-- ------------
Figure 4: The Sword Fishe - An Happy Fishe
4. Spirits of the Air
Cloud is the latest buzz for the trendy hipster, active in
networking. But be careful not to let your feet get off the crowd
lest your head become implanted somewhere it shouldn't be.
4.1. Ze Vompyre
Most afeared of all of the creatures is surely the vampire, for it
will drain the blood of any good idea until it withers or is
completely changed into a problem statement I-D. More scary than the
dreaded Old Timer that will suck the air from a room with its hated
Process Discussion. More frightening than the RFC 2119 Usage Debate
of Doom.
The vampire bat is sometimes mistaken for its third cousin on its
mother's side, the fruitbat. That beast is equally evil and will
remove whole plates of fruit from refreshment tables, leaving only
celery sticks for latecomers.
Data that is once nibbled by a vampire may find that some of its most
precious bits become corrupted and drop off. Sure protection may
only be achieved by placing garlic in the metadata or overhead of a
packet.
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/\ /\
/ \---/ \
/\ /\ | | /\ /\
/ \ / \ | - - | / \ / \
/ \/ \/ (.) (.) \/ \/ \
/ - - \
/ _ _ _ \
/ ------\ V V /------ \
/ / \ / \ \
----- \ / -----
\ /
\ /
| |
| ^ |
\ / \ /
vvv vvv
Figure 5: The Cursed Vampire or Fruitbat
_______________________
| ___________________ |
| | | |
| | | |
| | | |
| | | |
| | | |
| | | |
| | | |
| | | |
| | | |
| | | |
| | | |
| | | |
| | | |
| | | |
| | | |
| | | |
| | | |
| | | |
| |___________________| |
|_______________________|
___(_______________________)___
(_______________________________)
Figure 6: A Fine Mirror Showing The Reflection of a Vampire Bat
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4.2. Avian Carriers
More famous than the Thrusted Pig [RFC1925] and more celebrated than
the Infinite Monkey [RFC2795] is the Avian Carrier [RFC1149].
This scavenger of the sky comes in a variety of bright colors,
perhaps an evolutionary trait enabling a hunter to distinguish the
carriers and drop those it considers weakest, or maybe acting as a
warning to predatory Buphyres so that they do not attack the carriers
deemed most important by the flock.
_ _ _ _
\o/ \o/
/\o/\ /\o/\
/\o/\ /\o/\
/\o/\ _ _
\o/
--------- ---------
| | | | | |
--------- | |------ | |---
| | |---- | |----- | |
| | | | | |--- | |
--------- --------- | |-----
| | |
---------
Figure 7: A Flock of Avian Carriers with a Nest of Packets
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5. Man-Made Structures
"Man has become God and shapes the world at will" said the slightly
disgruntled theologian. And who would dare argue this point that
wanted to escape the conversation in time to get home for dinner?
5.1. Bauhaus
When Laura Ingalls Wilder was just starting out on her cover designs,
she agonized about what shade her little house should be. She
narrowly avoided madness thanks to the timely intervention of
Professor Kandinsky, a prominent Moscow lawyer.
It has often been asserted that new art forms are needed to allow the
inclusion of colors in IETF publications. Figure 8 clearly
demonstrates this to be a fallacy.
--------- /\
| | / \
| | / \
| Red | / \
| | / Yellow \
| | / \
--------- ------------
__----__
.' `.
/ \
/ \
/ \
| |
| Blue |
| |
\ /
\ /
\ /
`.__ __.'
----
Figure 8: The Fundaments of Bauhaus
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5.2. The Gingerbread House
Many stories have been told of how young Hans and his sister, the
equally young Gretha, came to be abandoned in the woods [TFTW].
However, it may have been Herr Grimm and his eponymous brother, Herr
Grimm, who first recorded the existence of a house made of
gingerbread (with all the trimmings).
Note that attempts to perform packet tracing using breadcrumbs will
usually fail owing to avian carriers who like to keep the forest
floor tidy (Section 4.2.
( )
( )
/^\ ()
/ \ -
/ \| |
/ \ |
/ \|
/ \
/ \
/ \
/-^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^-\
| |
| --- --- |
| | | | | | | |
| |-+-| |-+-| |
| | | | | | | |
| --- --- |
|_ |
) --- |
) | | |
) |o | |
) | | |
|_______ _|...|_|
\ \
\ \
\ \
\ \
Figure 9: A Deserted and Partially Nibbled (or Byted) Gingerbread
House
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6. IANA Considerations
IANA might consider introducing a registry for Figure 8 to track the
assignment of colours to shapes.
7. Security Considerations
Stone walls do not a prison make, nor iron bars a cage: but they do
help. And with this in mind, our elders encourage us always to be
mindful of the security and privacy of our eternal souls.
7.1. A Private Key
Keys that are shared are keys that other people have. If someone
else has a key, they will use it. If you have a key, you will
probably leave it in the lock or drop it in the street. Hence we
conclude that keys are a security vulnerability.
---
/ _ \
| / \ |
/ / \ \
| | | -------------------------------------------------
| | | ------------------------------------ )
\ \ / / | |
| \_/ | | _ |
\ / | _| | _ |
--- | | | | | |
|_| |_| |_|
Figure 10: A Security Key
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7.2. A Security Mechanism
Locks, on the other hand, are good. They can become rusted solid,
meaning that no one can open them. What could be more secure?
And remember, a smile is the key that fits the lock to everybody's
heart. So don't trust people who smile.
_____
/ \
/ ___ \
/ / \ \
| / \ |
| | | |
| | | |
| | | |
| | | |
| | | |
| | | |
| | | |
-------------------
| |
| |
| |
| _ |
| / \ |
| / \ |
| \ / |
| | | |
| | | |
| | | |
| | | |
| | | |
| - |
| |
-------------------
Figure 11: A General Purpose Security Mechanism
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7.3. Backdoors
If you have a door, you are admitting (sic) a weakness. A closed
door invites opening, and an open door invites ingress. Security
lies in bricks and mortar.
____________
/ \
/ __________ \
/ / _/\ \
| / _/ \ |
| | _/ | |
| | | | |
| | | | |
| | | | |
| | | | |
| | | O | |
| | | . | |
| | | | |
| | | | |
| | | | |
| | | | |
| | | | |
| | |___ | |
| | \____| |
Figure 12: A Backdoor Left Conveniently Open
8. Manageability Considerations
Some of the wild beasts depicted in this tome are best confined to a
managerie.
9. Morality Considerations
In accordance with advice offered in [RFC4041], this section
considers the impact of this document on the public morals.
It is still the view of popular opinion and can be verified by
reliable metrics that moral values are declining and that degeneracy
is on the rise. One has only to look at the apostasy surrounding the
True Use of Language as set forth in RFC 2119 [RFC2119] to know that
the populace has become truly debauched.
9.1. Likelihood of Misuse by the Depraved
Care must be taken lest ASCII fall into the hands of disreputable
characters.
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9.2. Likelihood of Misuse by the Misguided
We should warn our children against engraving self-portraits in
ASCII-art and sharing them with their friends as woodcuts or in other
modern media. Recall that a picture, once made, lasts forever.
9.3. Likelihood of Misuse by Corporations
The very idea that someone might patent unicorn DNA is, of course,
unthinkable. Large companies only have our best interests at heart.
9.4. Oversight Facilities
Adequate oversight of all things is performed by the RFC Editor. Who
has a higher moral compass or a better sense of directional values?
9.5. Other Ways of Doing Things
Radical and subversive cliques, such as that established by the
heretics, Georges Seurat and Paul Signac, may also be represented in
ASCII art. However, doing so will, in almost every case, exceed the
72 character width limit used by all right-thinking people and must,
therefore, be avoided by all who do not wish to be doomed to spend
eternity in a dark corner with only dial-up access.
9.6. Concern for Wildlife
Never was a truer word spoken than when it was said that a duck may
be somebody's mother. See also Section 4.2
10. References That May Be Informative to Those Who Know How To
Read Them
[MTFTW] Farrel, A., "More Tales From The Wood", 2016.
[RFC1149] Waitzman, D., "Standard for the transmission of IP
datagrams on avian carriers", RFC 1149,
DOI 10.17487/RFC1149, April 1990,
<http://www.rfc-editor.org/info/rfc1149>.
[RFC1925] Callon, R., "The Twelve Networking Truths", RFC 1925,
DOI 10.17487/RFC1925, April 1996,
<http://www.rfc-editor.org/info/rfc1925>.
[RFC2119] Bradner, S., "Key words for use in RFCs to Indicate
Requirement Levels", BCP 14, RFC 2119,
DOI 10.17487/RFC2119, March 1997,
<http://www.rfc-editor.org/info/rfc2119>.
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[RFC2795] Christey, S., "The Infinite Monkey Protocol Suite (IMPS)",
RFC 2795, DOI 10.17487/RFC2795, April 2000,
<http://www.rfc-editor.org/info/rfc2795>.
[RFC4041] Farrel, A., "Requirements for Morality Sections in Routing
Area Drafts", RFC 4041, DOI 10.17487/RFC4041, April 2005,
<http://www.rfc-editor.org/info/rfc4041>.
[RFC7399] Farrel, A. and D. King, "Unanswered Questions in the Path
Computation Element Architecture", RFC 7399,
DOI 10.17487/RFC7399, October 2014,
<http://www.rfc-editor.org/info/rfc7399>.
[RFC7990] Flanagan, H., "RFC Format Framework", RFC 7990,
DOI 10.17487/RFC7990, December 2016,
<http://www.rfc-editor.org/info/rfc7990>.
[RFC7996] Brownlee, N., "SVG Drawings for RFCs: SVG 1.2 RFC",
RFC 7996, DOI 10.17487/RFC7996, December 2016,
<http://www.rfc-editor.org/info/rfc7996>.
[TFTW] Farrel, A., "Tales From The Wood", 2015.
Acknowledgements
Thanks to Wassily Kandinsky, Martin Luther, and Johannes Gutenberg
for their help with this work.
L. S. Lowry was not harmed in the production of this document.
The work in Section 2.1 is based on an original lithograph by John De
Scudder.
Without the very existence of Madame Flanagan, it would not have been
possible or necessary to compile this volume.
Author's Address
Adrian Farrel
Old Dog Consulting
Email: adrian@olddog.co.uk
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