* * * * *
                                        
                                     Drive
                                        
Hello from overcast a slightly drizzly Brevard, North Carolina [1]!

We left Chez Boca at the ungodly hour of 7 AM. I drove for a few hours to let
Bunny get some more sleep (me? I stayed up, deciding to “go to bed” a bit
later than usual). At Ft. Pierce [2], switched places so I could get more
sleep. We also encountered two bus loads (touring, not school) of middle
school kids terrorizing the local establishments and causing long lines.

And wouldn't you know, the middle school kids were from Boca Raton. What are
the odds?

There went an hour.

We switched again at a gas station just off the Grover, South Carolina [3] I-
95 exit. Here, the issue wasn't a ton of school kids from Boca Raton
terrorizing the place, but being the only working gas station associated with
an international brand for probably fifty miles in any direction. So there
was the wait.

Waiting …

Waiting …

Oh so waiting …

Oh! An empty gas pump! Score!

No, I do not have a preferred customer card. Press “No” and wait.

Wait.

Oh, now I can insert my plastic card o' money. Select “debit.”

Select “debit.”

Select “debit.”

Ah, now type my PIN (Personal Identification Number).

Try to type my PIN.

Try to type my PIN.

Try to hit “cancel.”

Hit “cancel.”

Slam my body into the “cancel” button.

Okay, let me try this again, only this time, skip answering “No” to the
preferred customer card. Now answer “credit” and try to enter the ZIP code.

Try to enter the ZIP code.

Try to enter the ZIP code.

Skip trying to hit the “cancel” button and go straight for the body slam.

Then try all those steps three more times, proving that I am, in fact, insane
[4].

Walk inside the store and inform the clerk of the troubles I've seen.

The clerk walks out, I hand over my plastic card o' money and watch as the
insanity spreads.

After realizing the insanity of the situation, the clerk has determined the
pump must be broken and to try another pump.

It sounded insane, but switching to another pump worked.

And another hour just flew by.

The only other incident on the ride up to Brevard—we hit Columbia, South
Carolina [5] during rush hour.

There went another hour.

Twelve hours after we left Chez Boca, we arrived at destination [6]. Just as
the All-Knowing All-Seeing Google [7] predicted.

[1] http://brevardnc.com/
[2] http://www.cityoffortpierce.com/
[3] https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grover,_South_Carolina
[4] http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/a/alberteins133991.html
[5] https://www.columbiasc.net/
[6] http://thesunsetmotel.com/
[7] https://www.google.com/maps/

Email author at sean@conman.org