Subj : Signs For The Shack
To   : All
From : Daryl Stout
Date : Mon Sep 11 2017 12:06 am

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From: Chris Stanford 
Subject: Wallsign for Hams to post

Here is something funny I found on the Internet somewhere.  I thought that
you would like to have a copy of it to print out and post in your shack's.

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                        N O T I C E

                      TO ALL VISITORS

  WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO WITNESS IS AN AMATEUR RADIO STATION
LICENSED AS ________________ BY THE FEDERAL COMMUNICATIONS
COMMISSION IN WASHINGTON, DC. BEFORE YOU ASK THE QUESTIONS, HERE ARE
THE ANSWERS:

   1) The total cost of this equipment cannot be discussed here as
it creates marital conflicts.

   2) No, we cannot send a message to your brother in Hong Kong. We
would have suggested that you call Western Union; but alas, they do
not do telegrams anymore.

   3) This is strictly a hobby; we do not have the facilities or the
time to fool around with TV sets, radios or hi-fi. We suggest that you
see a serviceman.

   4) Yes, the antenna in the backyard is essential to the operation
of the equipment.

   5) The farthest station we have contacted has been in the
Ubangiland.

   6) The cards on the wall are called QSL cards. They are
confirmation of contacts made with other stations.

   7) It is technically impossible for this station's equipment to
interfere with television reception, telephones, computers, or stereo 
systems. Any interference problems of that nature are caused by design 
flaws in the home-entertainment devices themselves.

  8) An Amateur Radio station may only be operated by a highly qualified,
technically skilled electronics expert. It takes dedication, training and
intelligence to reach the level of competence that justifies one to be
licensed by the United States Federal Government. Therefore, it is not
considered inappropriate to show proper awe, respect and general
obsequiousness when I discuss my hobby or operate the controls.

                      FURTHERMORE...

  IF YOU ARE GRANTED THE EXTREME HONOR OF BEING INVITED TO SPEAK INTO
THE MICROPHONE, PLEASE OBSERVE THE FOLLOWING RULES:

   1) Speak in a low and soothing tone.
   2) Do not disagree with me in any manner.
   3) Say no bad words and tell no off-color jokes.
   4) It is customary for guests to make complimentary remarks about this
      station and its licensed operator when talking to other hams on
      the air.

  DO NOT TOUCH ANYTHING, TURN ANY KNOBS, SIT ON EQUIPMENT, ETC. I HAVE
LOST SEVERAL VISITORS BY ELECTROCUTION IN THE PAST FEW WEEKS.

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              Thank you for your cooperation
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(From StickFig Stickers)

  WARNING!! TAMPERING WITH MY HAM RADIO
  WILL RESULT IN AN ASS WHOOPIN'
  YOU'LL NEVER FORGET!!

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