________  ________  ________
   2018-12-13                                   /        \/        \/    /   \
                                               /       __/         /_       _/
   I've been offline for at least five weeks  /        _/         /         /
now, probably closer  to  six, I  dunno. I'm  \_______/_\___/____/\___/____/_
doing ok, like I've mentioned before I don't    /        \/        \/    /   \
really  have an addictive  personality/body-   /        _/         /_       _/
chemistry or  haven't  come  across whatever  /-        /        _/         /
drug is going to  really get its  hooks into  \________/\________/\___/____/
me so I come and go as it suits me. The only
chemical I put in me regularly that I can't quit on a  whim  is caffeine haha,
when you try and cut that shit out it is completely merciless.

   The  day  before  yesterday I had  an  extremely  shitty day  at work,  the
shittiest  in a string of shitty  days  stretching into shitty weeks, and  was
aching for something  to help  me  disconnect  from  it  a little while  but I
haven't had  any codeine around for a little while so thought I'd give one  of
those Pregabalin I got as a freebie a shot and it was an interesting ride.

   It was stronger than I was expecting and I floated away  pretty quick, like
a  drunk but without the physical wobbliness and the queasiness in the stomach
that comes from  ingesting  a  bunch of poisonous  liquid, it  really  punched
through  my anxiety too. I  know  it's  used  as  a first-line  treatment  for
generalized anxiety disorder but I  didn't think  just a single dose  would do
shit and I was very surprised.  I felt cheerful and chatty  and  for a while I
was able to shake all the  rusty bikes I drag through life with me. It made me
super motivated to do things too, but that's where the downsides started.

   Now I'm scatterbrained at the  best of times but,  holy shit, this was next
level  -  I  couldn't  start a  single  thing, I  could  barely  even  have  a
conversation because I'd  pinball around on all kinds of  tangents, Dani legit
couldn't follow half the shit I was going on about.

   I also kept needing to touch things. Like, not pick up or use or mess with,
just touching stuff. I dunno what that was about but it got pretty frustrating
haha.

   The only other downside was the strength, but that was mostly on me.  These
were strong caps, clocking in at 300mg so it's something I should have checked
from the start  haha. Oops. It started out ok but felt like it kept ramping up
beyond  comfortable  and  then even  the  next morning  I  could still feel it
wrapped around my brain.

   Before  it  started feeling too strong, it was a nice euphoria  of mind but
really  didn't have the body-softness that comes with codeine, it just  wasn't
the  same. With  codeine I  sink  through the floor, my arms and fingers  feel
wired closer to my  brain so I can get shit done, with this I was  pinging off
the walls  and unable to do  shit but talk about three  thousand things for  a
nanosecond at  a time. It would  probably be  a really  fun  social drug  in a
smaller dose but again, codeine is  already my guy, why  sleep with  a  flashy
stranger when you're already with your true love?

   To conclude, winners don't use drugs.

   Sidenote: By far one of my favorite things about it was the big, cartoonish
red-and-white capsules. Good for health, bad for education.



EOF