________  ________  ________
   2017-09-01                                   /        \/        \/    /   \
                                               /       __/         /_       _/
   As  part  of my employer's  commitment to  /        _/         /         /
the community we're asked to spend at  least  \_______/_\___/____/\___/____/_
two days a year doing volunteer work. It's a    /        \/        \/    /   \
good   initiative   but  as  someone   who's   /        _/         /_       _/
strongest  weapon   against  depression  and  /-        /        _/         /
anxiety is routine I find it quite difficult  \________/\________/\___/____/
to   do.  Essentially  a  double-whammy   of
placing me in  a stressful situation and removing the tool I use to cope  with
said stress.

   That said  though, I  do my  best because  it's  good  work and I  WANT  to
participate.

   This past Monday was  our second one for this year I think,  although maybe
the last one was late last year, I forget but it  doesn't matter;  for the job
we were helping  out at  a dining hall  for people  in need. They  serve  free
breakfast and dinner for anyone, 365 days a  year.  I was dreading it  most of
the weekend because of the aforementioned anxiety and when I rolled up I got a
bit  lost  on the grounds and  that definitely didn't  help, but  my coworkers
arrived before me  so when I finally found where I needed to be there  were at
least some familiar faces. The hall is  in a nice space, an old church annex I
guess, divided down  the middle by a  cafeteria style serving station with the
kitchen on one side and the dining hall proper on the other.

   To start with they gave us  a quick orientation  session because we  hadn't
been there before, outlining  that  the two "shifts" to each volunteer day,  a
prep  shift and a service/clean up shift,  and giving us  some  guidelines and
warnings on  how to deal with the  clients or any situations that might  arise
then they set us to work in the kitchen for the prep shift.

   It was more or less what I expected for the kitchen work:  cut this up, cut
that  up, peel this, put all that in the fridge,  etc. Towards  the end of the
prep shift our volunteer manager started outlining who'd be doing what for the
service shift and that's the part I was really dreading, I don't do well face-
to-face  at the  best of times and I was already way  out of my mental comfort
zone, thankfully  our volunteer  manager  was  really  good  about it. She was
almost  relieved that she had  someone  so eager to  volunteer for dishes duty
haha. One thing that I always forget about volunteering vs. my regular  job is
that they're genuinely thankful for any help they can get and a  little hurdle
like "please find me something to do out the back" isn't going to phase them.

   Between  the two shifts they  fed the volunteer team, the  same menu they'd
prepared for the clients, but I didn't eat because I don't really like to when
I'm with unfamiliar (or work-familiar) people  and  my stomach was still kinda
sour from the anxiety in the morning.

   After the volunteers ate  and cleaned  up they set up for the service/clean
up shift and opened the doors to serve lunch for the clients.

   The shift  was  savage. Dishes  kept  coming faster than  I could get  them
through and  I wasn't even cleaning them,  just  rinsing them or  removing any
stuck-on stuff so they  could go through the industrial  dishwasher. On top of
that it  was  only  cutlery and  cups/glasses, someone  else  was handling the
plates and bowls, so it was only two thirds of what was being  used. It was  a
vastly different experience to my usual day-to-day of typing on a computer and
sitting through dry meetings!

   Then, after the  head  volunteers had locked the  doors and were  satisfied
everything had been cleaned up we  all went our separate ways.  I found a tram
to take me home, cleaned myself up and collapsed into bed.

   Overall it was an exhausting but really fulfilling experience. The last two
volunteer days I've  done  have been helping out  in community farms  which is
good,  fun work but there's a disconnect between the  work you're doing in the
farm and the benefit to the community. They can explain  to you  about how the
profits  from the  farm go to this charity  or that charity but  in the dining
hall the it was  so immediate. Seeing the  people  in need coming in to have a
meal, the benefit to  the community  really  felt  tangible  and  that was  so
rewarding.

   A couple things stood out while I was working.

   One  of the tasks we  had  for the prep shift was dicing aubergine but they
had been banged  around  a bit so were bruised  and a  little icky  in places.
While cutting  one  up, I  came  across  a squishy bruised bit  and cut  it up
anyway, thinking "Well, they're homeless, they'll take whatever they can get."

   I stopped  myself there, angry at myself for thinking that way.  There's no
good enough for me/good enough for them, if I wouldn't eat it what right do  I
have to say someone else should? Because they're poor? Because they don't have
a job or don't have a home? That's a pretty horrible attitude.

   It also really stood out how varied the people were, not just homeless  but
people struggling or just needing  a leg-up for today, it was interesting. The
dining hall was  out in the suburbs a ways but we live downtown, deep  in  the
city, and the homeless here are very different.  They're the in-your-face kind
of homeless, smoking meth on the sidewalk and abusing  you if you don't  throw
them  some money so that's who I was  expecting in the  hall but, really  they
were just regular  everyday people from all kinds of circumstances. It made me
really check my world view and gave  me some  new perspective. I admit  I have
sometimes been  vocally anti-homeless because my experience with them has been
entirely those "downtown"  homeless mentioned  above but  I really need to  be
more mindful that not everything is that black and white.



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