________  ________  ________
   2017-06-19                                   /        \/        \/    /   \
                                               /       __/         /_       _/
   For   context:  I  don't  have  too  many  /        _/         /         /
memories of my dad, my parents divorced when  \_______/_\___/____/\___/____/_
I  was  fairly young and even before that he    /        \/        \/    /   \
was  quite  withdrawn. That's not to  slight   /        _/         /_       _/
him,   it's  just  how  he  was  and  I  can  /-        /        _/         /
appreciate that. My mom is a post-hippie new  \________/\________/\___/____/
age type and  I  often wonder how they ended
up together but that's not what I want to talk about.

   There's one memory I do have of my dad that I've been turning over the last
few weeks. When I was maybe nine-ish he built some wooden stands for  me, when
I asked what they were  for  he said "a crystal set". Now  me,  caught between
these  the  two influences  of my  mom and  dad  but  my  mom's  hobbies being
broadcast far louder than  my dad's assumed a "crystal set" was a  literal set
of crystals like mom kept on her hippy new age shelves, but what he meant  was
a crystal radio.

   I got  excited mostly because I was a kid  and getting stuff is exciting, I
honestly  had no more interest  in one than the other, but  when he  found out
what  I understood a "crystal set"  was, my dad completely withdrew. He didn't
try to  explain to me what a crystal set was, why it was a cool thing to build
one  and why he thought I'd like to have my own, he just shut off  and  let me
stack sparkly  stones on  his plans for a  father-son activity relevant to his
passion; radio. That's the main part that sticks with me  because I  see a lot
of my adult self  in that reaction;  I love sharing things I  love with people
and when they get excited about them I feel excited too but I'm also impatient
and insecure so  if people  don't understand what I'm talking  about I quickly
lock up and lose interest.

   When you have to push through a membrane of anxiety to share something with
someone it's  so  easy to snap back to "safety" the  second it  isn't going as
expected.

   That memory bubbles to the  surface quite a bit,  it's probably  the  first
time  I was conscious of a real disconnect between my dad and my mom, although
I couldn't understand or articulate it at the time and frustratingly, adult me
knows  now  that  kid  me  would have  loved  that shit  to death;  radio  and
electronics and all that if he'd just pushed the membrane a little harder.

   But there's no point dwelling  on moments that can't be  changed and  I was
pretty young at the  time, going through a lot  and could  be remembering  all
this wrong but,  either way, maybe  this year I'll  take  some time to finally
learn how to build a crystal set radio.

   Footnote: Crystal sets are sometimes also called "cat's whisker" radios, if
my  dad  has  just  called  it  THAT  this  would  have  all  turned out  very
differently.



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